


12 Weeks of Night

by Vitavili



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alpha Victor Nikiforov, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe - Actors, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Feels, Drama, M/M, Mates, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Katsuki Yuuri, POV First Person, Past Sexual Abuse, Psychological Drama, Slice of Life, mature - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2018-12-25 01:17:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 59,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12025053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vitavili/pseuds/Vitavili
Summary: In this Omega/Beta/Alpha Alternate Universe Yuuri is a porn star. He is hiding the fact that he is an Omega (presenting himself as Beta) and Victor who is Alpha and a famous actor. They both got roles in project/movie 12 weeks of Night. For Yuuri it's a key to his freedom, from life with Masks and lies as in this Omega verse, those who were born as Omega are worse than sex slaves unless they have someone who can protect them. Yuuri falls in love with Victor, but he knows that it's wrong because Victor might learn the truth about him. So what to do? And what if that beautiful smile on Victor's face is not real? Maybe he is not himself in front of everyone? And maybe Yuuri is not the only one keeping a secret?





	1. Week 0. The day when everything changed.

**Author's Note:**

> Heeey everyone! 
> 
> This is my 7th work dedicated to YOI and to be honest, if someone would have told me like 6 months ago that I will write something about Omega verse, I would just laughed, but here I am, writing Omega verse. Once again challenging myself. How it goes, I don't know. A lot of drama promising story, that's what I can say. All those tags that you see now are just beginning, it will be much more of them with time (I hope).
> 
> Actually, this Omega/Beta/Alpha dynamics is a little bit different from normal, I just made some changes because I thought it will be more interesting this way. So I will just leave things that might be different in this verse in the notes at the end of the work so that you could always see them. Any questions? My email (in profile) or comment section are always open for you :3

_And the light which shines above you_  
_One day it will reach me_  
_And then peace will come to my heart_  
_One day when I will be able to shout._  
_Out loud. I am not..._

“Whore,“ I whispered silently to myself.

Actually, the word was _alone_ , but who cares. _Whore_ sounds more accurate. Something that I can relate. Stupid, right? I mean it’s my job. Well, my job is not to be a whore, but sometimes I just can't find a better word to describe and put all my feelings.

I closed the book in front of me and sighed, why the hell someone would want to give me this kind of book as a present. Anyone who knows me would know that I hate poetry. Reading is something that I can’t allow to myself. I can’t live in a dream which will never come true.

When someone suddenly knocked, I don’t know why all my body shivered and I quickly hid the book under some sheets on the table, as if I was doing something inappropriate. Reading a book 20 minutes before filming starts. I should read my script once again, even if there are just a few lines. Right, that’s sounds funny.

“Come in, Phichit” Who else could it be. Of course, it’s him, Phichit looks after me like no one else. Usually, he deals with the filming schedule and the payment, but the most important – only Phichit in the whole world knows something about me. Something that I can’t tell anyone else.

“Yuuuuri, I have great news! I mean, you can’t even imagine!” he came in shouting and jumping, like always. But this time there was something else in his eyes, some excitement, some flame and I knew it too well.

“Phichit, what have you done this time?” I stood up and closed the door because he was too excited for that. He usually looks like that when he does something stupid and reckless. Last time it was when he made a contract with a really known porn filming studio for a threesome. Sounds simple? It’s my job, to be there and fuck someone else, but there a lot of moments, that I don’t want to remember.

“Don’t look at me like that, this time it’s a good thing, I swear!” He nodded few times, but when my reaction didn’t change, Phichit stopped jumping. “Listen, I finally found a way out of here for you!”

“What?” For a second I was sure I misheard something. A way out of here? Quit this industry? Find a normal job? Have a normal life? That sounded impossible. For years I was dreaming about this, maybe that’s why a flame of a small hope started burning somewhere inside. I bet my face looked priceless.

“Yeah! I mean… not exactly… but it’s a key for that. If everything goes well... if you manage to get it and if…”

“Phichit, just say it.” Usually, I let him tell all his stupid thoughts until the end, but this time it was too much even for me. Maybe because of that hope, maybe because somewhere in my heart I still believe, that someone like me, also can live like a normal human. But how much will it cost?

“So alright, there is one movie, I mean, they are just setting things, buuut it will be huge. And they are searching for a second main actor at the moment. I mean it’s something big, so if you gonna get the role… Yuuri, it will open the door for you. We can get out of here.”

With each of his word, Phichit was talking faster and faster, something inside my chest cracked and I grabbed on my bathrobe which I was wearing. My eyes ran around this old dressing room and I didn’t want to let this happen, but the bubble of hope got bigger.

“How? What movie is it?” I asked silently, but Phichit got even more excited, he looked at me like a naïve boy. Well, he was a bit younger than me, and we went through a lot together, he was my best friend and I knew that he would do anything for me. Like I would do for him.

“I still don’t know a lot of things, but the fact that I have set a time for the meeting is already something. What is even better is that they are searching for a porn actor so, I guess it will include sex or…”

“Wait.” It is a second time that I had to stop him. “Wait. So if you don’t know anything, why you are so sure that it’s something big?” I tried to make a calm voice, but I was already getting into the panic that I let Phichit fool me.

“Because… the main actor is Victor Nikiforov and…”

I don’t know which part was more painful – the one where the bubble of hope exploded or the one where I understood that Phichit has totally fooled me. I felt like I was hit with a rock or a table… or something really sharp. Victor Nikiforov. I know him. I mean, who doesn’t? Everyone knows his name. But…

“Are you stupid?! A porn movie with Victor Nikiforov? Phichit, don’t you know who he is??” Now I got a little bit angry. Not at my stupid best friend, because I knew that sometimes he loses his mind, more at myself, because I was so stupid to believe that actually, Phichit had something realistic to tell.

“Hm… very known actor in the world?” he asked after few seconds.

“He is an Alpha!” I usually don’t shout, believe me, that’s not who I am, but this time Phichit reached all my limits. Despite all things I let to do with me, just to gain a place in this world. There is something…. That I would never let myself. Is to be with Alpha.

“So what?” he had the same calm voice and I wrapped my hands around my waist. I just can’t believe it.

“Damn it, Phichit. Alpha! Are you deaf?” I tried not to lose control of my voice again, but it was hard. Every second harder, it’s like Phichit forgot the most important rule that we had.

“But nobody knows that you are Omega, so…”

“That’s the case! Nobody knows and it should stay like this. Phichit, in my life I didn’t ask you many things, you can take half of my payment, you can make all the deals for me even before I know about them. I have just one request. Only one. My partner must be only Beta or a woman and nobody should know that I am Omega. That’s it. And now you are telling me to go and have sex with the most known Alpha in the world? And it should be the key to my freedom? Are you insane? You know that being Omega is worse than being homeless? If they find out about me, you know what will happen, right? Of course, you know! We talked about this million times, but I don’t know why it just happened that you forgot about this!”

Once I started I couldn’t shut up, I wanted to tell something more, I even wanted to hurt him, not physically, but just wanted Pichit to feel what I am feeling. The lowest being in the world. Nothing. Whore. But even worse, because if someone finds out who really I am, I will become total trash.

“Yuuri…” it was a surprise that he even listened to me until the end, but I felt a little bit thankful for that because after shouting I got a little bit calmer. “I know this. I know this very well… I mean, we went through everything together. And I wouldn’t suggest something like that if that wouldn’t be worth the risk. But it is. First of all, we don’t even know if they are going to take you in and if they do, I will make sure to give you two weeks of break. A little bit before your heat starts and after it ends, like always. We will be really careful. We don’t even know if there will be a need for you to sleep with him. Listen.” He stopped me with a hand when I was about to talk. “Just listen… I know I said it’s a porn movie, but Victor Nikiforov is far away from typical porn, I am sure it will be something else, something that we can manage. As your best friend, I never wanted anything more than help you get out from here. You have been suffering for too long, Yuuri. Just think about this, alright? Please.” He ended and just a second later someone else knocked.

“Yuuri, shooting starts in 10 minutes. Are you ready?” voice asked and I sighed.

“Yeah, I will be right there,” I replied and then again looked at Phichit, I saw something in his eyes that I have never seen before. Like he would really believe in those stupid words he just told me. “Forget about this. Just forget it. I can’t risk my life. I can’t risk with everything I have.” I turned my back at him and showed that the talk is over. Damn it, I am really not in the mood for shooting right now. Like ever I was.

“Really? So what do you have? Do you call this a life?” he asked silently when I already thought that Phichit has some brains left not to bring up this topic just when I showed that it’s closed.

“Shut up.” How he even dares to speak about my life.

“And I thought that you don’t want to be a whore anymore.”

“You were listening???” What surprises he has prepared for me..? “Jezzes Christ, just get out, Phichit!” I just had enough, I had never asked for him to leave because Phichit was the closest person I had in this life, it was the first time in my life when I opened the door for him, with a clear clue.

“Yuuri, please just think about this. Just try.” He whispered and I saw that Phichit is holding some paper in his hand. But I didn’t change my frozen face. Finally, Phichit sighed and left, I closed the door after him and pressed my back to the wall, then sat down on the floor.

Why, why he had to come and do this? Even if he is right and I am wrong, even if this could change something…. I am all alone. I am alone and scared. He is not in this situation, stupid Phichit he will never understand, he is Beta. How he can even know how it feels to pretend someone who you are not, just because I don’t have another choice, because if they find out the truth… there will be no one who will stand for me and help protect my rights. Because... Omega... they don't have rights, do they?

When I turned my head, I saw that the paper which Phichit had in his hands now is on the floor. There was an address, time and name, nothing more. A movie with Victor Nikiforov. Sounds like a strange and absolutely impossible dream. I have never seen him in person. There were rumors that he started the career as a low ranking porn movie star, even if he was Alpha. I don’t know if it’s true. When I came to this industry he was already a well-known actor, far far away from porn. What kind of porn movie is that, even if Victor Nikiforov agreed to shoot in it.

All my life I stayed from Alphas as far as I could, I have never met any Omega also, but I knew what happens to them. They are like slaves, really rare slaves, toys. And if one day someone finds out that I am one of them, my life will be over in all possible ways… not just as a normal person, but also as a human. I mean how many times I have lied to others about myself? And I am sure that Phichit also knows how deep he is in this shit. Then why? Why is he ready to risk everything? Because of me? Or he is just tired of everything?

“Yuuri! We are waiting!” I jumped when the voice behind the door reached me again. Damn it. I don’t want to go. I don’t want anyone to touch me now. Right now even a thought of a kiss made me sick, not even talking about all those other stuff I would have to do. Usually, I just try not to think about this, just be somewhere else with my thoughts, until it’s over. I have to repeat again and again that it’s just an act, everything is not real. And still for years, every evening I end up crying in my small room, hoping that one day it will be over.

“I don’t feel well. I am sorry.” I replied with trembling voice. And jumped on my feet. I was already ready for shooting, so I had nothing just bathrobe on me. I dropped it on the floor and put my underwear and pants on as quickly as I could.

“What? What's wrong? Should I call the manager? Can I come in?” that women should just go way. I know it’s not like me to cancel shooting on last minute, but I really can’t do it today. I put on the sweater and then opened the door myself. Like I thought I saw the girl with wild eyes looking at me, I am sure she is trying to figure out lots of things. For example how she will tell the manager that I just left. Because it's what I am about to do.

“I am sorry, I have to go home,” I said and picked up the paper that Phichit dropped then passed through her.

“What? How? You can’t! Everyone is waiting. Yuuri Katsuki! The shooting!” she tried to walk after me, but with those high heels of hers, it was really impossible. Shooting right. I am sure they will find someone else. Through all these years, I have done shooting in straight porn movies and also gay, but always I as the top. This one was gay and I couldn’t even think right now about that. Being bottom would be too risky.

She was still shouting, but I just left the building through the backstage door and went right to the taxi. Her shouting didn't stop even when I was already inside the cabin. Actually, it was the first time in my life I did something like this, but it felt good. At that moment I didn’t think about the fact that I might get fired.

“Somebody is calling you.” The driver said, looking at the mirror.

“It doesn’t matter. I need to go here.” I showed him the paper with the address and he started driving.

What I am doing was still unknown from me. What am I seeking with this? It’s not like I am really planning to go on that audition. I don’t want to get involved. Or I want to? It sounded stupid, everything, but actually, last Phichit’s words made me think about lots of things. It’s one thing when you say this to yourself, it won’t get worse, but when someone says the same from the side, it matters. Why am I taking every word so deeply? It’s the question I have been asking myself practically all my life.

“We are here.” taxi stopped and I recognized the building, once I waited for Phichit next to it. Now I can guess what he was doing, maybe searching for a normal job? Oh, anxiety strikes again. I paid and then walked right into the building. To be honest, I don’t really know what I was expecting, but when some dark haired girl came closer to me, I wished to go back right away. I am not ready.

“Hey, are you here for casting?” She asked and I could just nod, but actually, I wanted to shake my head. She smiled. “I am Sara, come with me this way.” She started going and I could just follow without saying anything, so after around 30 steps, she talked again. “What’s your name?”

“Yuuri. Katsuki Yuuri.” I couldn’t control my voice; it was too quiet.

“So you are Japanese. Wow.” She said like it wouldn’t be obvious from my appearance. Japanese living in the United States. Wow.

“Well, Yuuri good luck.” She opened one door and I couldn’t do anything else just walk in.

It was a room, with a little stage and a big desk. Four people were sitting at the table. Two of them man and woman middle age, one blond with greenish eyes and one with dark hair, those two seemed to be a little bit older than me.

“Yakov!” Suddenly the door behind me opened again and a young blond boy got inside as fast as a tornado, he totally ignored me. “Where the hell is Victor?”

“Are you here for casting? I thought that today we are done with it.” The blond one at the table spoke and I tried to guess if he is Yakov or not.

“I guess… I am…” I didn’t know what to answer since everyone now was staring at me.

“Tch.” This sound from the little boy next to me was full of sarcasm, but I couldn’t think of any reason why.

“You guess?” The old one spoke, then looked at the blond boy. “Yurio, we are not keeping Victor in our pocket, if you find him, let him know that we also want to see him here.” So the old one must be Yakov and the young blond one next to me is Yurio. Why I am trying to remember those names, I didn’t have any idea.

“Well… my friend gave me this paper and said that I should come here.” I tried to explain feeling extremely dumb. If Phichit lied to me I won’t ever forgive him.

Yakov showed me with his hand to come and I gave him the paper, he looked at it for a second and then sighed.

“It’s Celestino again, doing things without talking with us first, it actually says tomorrow, but since you came today, fine.”

“Do you have any idea what you are doing here?” The blond one at the table asked with the smile. Somehow this smile of his was strange as if he knew me… I hoped that it’s not true. I didn’t answer him. The question wasn’t stupid, but I was asking the same myself all the way here, so I just didn't know what to tell.

“Christophe, stop with that creepy smile of yours, I am sure he knows. So we need some information about you.” man with the dark hair looked at me and I nodded. Damn it, it’s so awkward and my heart is beating like crazy, I can bet that at least one of them is Alpha. Good thing that I am safe. For now.

“Your name. Age. And for what role are you casting?” women spoke for the first time, from all four of them she looked the most serious.

“I am Katsuki Yuuri. Twenty-four. As I was said… for the second main role…?” It should have been a clear answer but still sounded like a question. When I heard sound _Tch_ again, I didn’t even turn around to see who let this sound.

“Oooh, so you are a porn star? Beta, right?” Christophe asked and I just nodded again. For one second I was sure that he exchanged looks with that dark-haired guy next to him.

“Alright, we will tell you more, once we see how you are acting.” Women spoke again, from her face I wouldn’t be able to say what she is thinking of. “Read the script. Page 5, from the first line.”

“I… I don’t have a script, my friend just gave me the address and told me to come.” I was a complete idiot right now, how else. Is she blind? It’s obvious that I don’t have anything else in my hands. Damn it.

“Coming to the casting without a script, genius.” That sarcastic voice behind me. I tried not to listen.

“Yurio, get on the stage. Just improvise then, we need to see your acting skills. Since this movie is not some kind of simple porn, if you don’t have the talent it’s not a place for you.” Oh wow, this woman is strict, I don’t know what kind of role she has here, but obviously, everyone is afraid of her.

The blond one passed through me rolling his eyes, but my legs were made of iron. Act right now? What? How? I don’t know, I can’t improvise something without having anything. Maybe I should just say that I made a mistake and go from here as fast as---

“Am I laaaate??” A Happy voice came from behind me when doors were opened for the third time. I looked back so fast that even the world started spinning. Or maybe it’s not because of the move, maybe it’s just because of what I saw.

So... Victor Nikiforov. I am not that anti-social. I have seen him on television, in the newspaper. Of course, he didn’t know me. And I… I just didn’t let myself to get too much into the fantasy world. First thing, he was someone impossible for me. Second. He was an Alpha. I would say Alpha from capital A. That energy coming from him, went through me at that very moment and I forgot how to breathe. Our eyes met and the world stopped. I couldn't do anything just let the blood rush into my cheeks and feel how mouth becomes full of saliva. Things that my mind started to imagine. Things I wished I could tell him and things I wanted to do. I couldn’t explain those. A fate? No. I don’t believe in fate. But that didn’t change a fact that Victor's eyes were blue as the pure morning sky or the fact that his smile could change the world. It was the first time I have looked him in the eyes, first time I met him in person and after that, I wasn’t able to look at him differently. He was glowing star and I was already in trouble even before everything started.

“Oh, my, who is this little cute piggy?” He smiled even wilder looking right at me, without any sign of shame. Of course, that wave of feelings was one sided. As long as I am drinking that strong medicine, nobody can sense my pheromones. Not even him.

“Victor here you are! Where the hell have you been? I need to talk with you.” Yurio jumped off the stage and now when they both were next to me, I felt that Yurio is also an Alpha or someone else, definitely something more than Beta. I can’t explain how small I started feeling at that very moment, so I quickly moved to the side.

‘Ooooh, Yurio, everything can wait. Are you here for casting?” He ignored blond boy and looked again at me. I just started wondering if every time after he looks at me, I will get the feeling like I am fainting?

“It’s perfect that you came, Victor. Yuuri is here for a second main role. You can try acting together right now.” Women said, actually no one at the table looked surprised that Victor came last second. I guess he missed all the casting.

“At least one person is happy here seeing me, thank you, Lilia.” Just with one jump, he was already on the stage and then smiled for Christophe. “Hey, how are you feeling after yesterday?” Victor laughed seeing how Chris is trying to shake his head.

I walked on the stage, Victor was like a magnet. It was the biggest mistake of my life coming here, because now I know that I must get this role, no matter how hard it will be. We were standing in front of each other, I was looking somewhere, just not at his face. While I could feel how he is burning me with his eyes. If I manage to get out from here, I can still save myself. That’s true. Or not.

“Alright, so the situation is like this. Yuuri is Victor’s student, after a lesson you came to see your teacher. You have some information about him that can’t go viral or the teacher might lose the job.”

“Is it blackmailing?” I asked and looked at Yakov who was explaining the situation.

“Basically. Start.”

“Yes? Is everything alright? You wanted to ask something.” I heard Victor’s voice and my eyes suddenly were pointed at him. I couldn’t look down. That will be easy, I wasn’t good actor, but I just felt that it will go naturally as long as I am acting with him.

“Yes… actually, I have something for you… teacher.” I smiled like a good student and pretended that I am giving something for him. Victor looked at his hand and just in one second his face filled with fear. He is great.

“Where… where did you get… these?” He asked silently and I don’t know why I felt guilty. He is not just a good actor, he actually makes you feel.

“Does it matter…? But it would be bad for you if someone gets those, right?” I walked a little bit to the side.

“Why ar-..”

“You should ask WHAT you should do, to stop me from accidentally spreading them.” I interrupted him and even heard how Christophe at the table gasps from surprise. Victor didn’t say anything for a second and I was kind of forced to look at his face.

“What do you want?” he asked. Amazing. I am sure my face was frozen because his voice was cold as ice. Like he really hates me. He was hurt.

“Take it off. Your shirt…” I said. It just came to me and I felt how saliva slowly runs down my throat, for one moment I thought that he either starts laughing or he will kick me, but Victor slowly started unbuttoning his shirt. Okay, he can stop now. I guess I was waiting for someone to stop him, to say that it’s enough, but no one did this. And my eyes were sliding down his muscles as he opened more and more of his naked skin. Strong arms and chest. I breathed out. Maybe they thought that it’s a part of acting, but it was not.

He let his shirt go and then looked away. I was still staring. I knew it was wrong. Everything here was wrong from the beginning and I wish I have stopped that in time. I wanted to stop it, but then the loud voice came from somewhere:

“Kiss him now.”

Did I misheard or really somebody just ordered me to kiss Victor? It must be a joke. I can’t… I can’t kiss him. Or can I? Victor looked at me again. We were staring at each other and from my side, it was 0 percent of acting. My heart was beating like crazy as if my heat was coming at the worst possible time. But it can’t be this. It’s just Victor, it’s just he… does this to me. Things that I was trying to avoid all my life.

I reached for his hair with my fingers.

“Lean.” It’s not me, it’s my lips that whispered. And he did it, I saw that there is no sign of hate in his big and beautiful eyes. I couldn't understand was he still in the role or not. And I didn’t care. I knew what I have to do. No. What I wanted to do. Something I just had to taste. That bubble inside me, it was growing and growing and to be honest I was getting somehow a little bit dizzy, my face was burning and something happened.

Victor grabbed me. He grabbed me around my waist hard and so suddenly that I gasped, then he gave me the kiss. It wasn’t the normal one, he just came into me with force. And it doesn’t matter that his lips were soft, that actually it didn’t hurt at all. But at that very moment, my world started falling apart. He had to understand what’s happening. It wasn’t acting anymore. It was a wild feeling nature force that we couldn’t stop. And even if I wanted that with every single part of my body… but I got so scared. Even if it was a simple touch of lips. So scared, that I am going to lose everything, my life, myself and because of that the impulse of energy just came into me. I pushed him with force. Not really me. It was the fear, the fear that I am living with all my life. If he finds out, my life is over. So I pushed him. I guess too hard, but it didn’t matter, I pushed or even hit him, but I ran from that room as fast as I could.

I didn’t stop even for a second to rest, I was running like that all 10 kilometers ( ~6 miles) until my home. Because even taking a taxi sounded too risky, I am not even talking about the bus full of people. And I was right. I ran into my apartment just in time to close the door and then the pain hit me. My heat started 2 weeks earlier than it should have and I was getting sick. I tried to take pills one after another, but it didn’t help at all. so I just sat in the corner of my bathroom and couldn't stop shivering. From heat in all parts of my body, from cold, from pain. Honestly, I have never felt something like that before in my life.

I phone rang million times. I didn’t pick up, someone knocked on my door, I couldn’t move. I had just one thought. I need to live through this somehow. I just need to wait. Like always, even if this time this was worst of the worst. I think I lost my job, I think I won’t be able to get out from here. Anxiety took over me. And it didn’t stop even when I finally took out the phone from my pocket and saw a million missed calls from Phichit and a message.

_You got the role!_


	2. Week 0. The preview

With each day everything was getting worse and worse. Maybe because I couldn’t stop thinking about him, about his eyes and lips and… everything. Not just my mind, my body stopped listening to me. My body, mind, and heart were ripping apart from thousands of different feelings. And I knew that I need help, but I waited until the last minute, hoping that everything will pass. But on the third day, I couldn’t bear with it anymore, I started going insane. The heat didn’t pass like always… and not just that, first time in my life I felt like dying… I felt like If I won’t see him right now, I don’t want to live anymore. But just on the third day, I made myself to admit that I need help. After thousands of ignored messages, phone calls and ring bells, I finally wrote Phichit a message. My hands were trembling because of the tears I barely was able to see the screen. So I am not sure myself what I have written there, but I heard a doorbell after 10 minutes. It’s like Phichit was sneaking around my house waiting for this message all along, maybe that’s true.

He had to wait around three minutes until I reached the door. It was like that, because of the strong heat I wasn’t even able to move without holding on the walls. When I finally opened them, I heard the gasp, just heard, because Phichit himself was all blurry, It actually felt like I was having the flu, just this flu was a part of me and I will never be able to get better.

“Yuuri! Oh, my…” He tried to reach me, but as soon as I felt the touch I jumped back.

No… no that, I can’t be touched. Because now every touch, no matter whose it is, will remind me of him.

“Close the door…” I begged quietly, then leaned against the wall and sat down on the floor in the darkest corner.

For the first time in my life, Phichit listened to me, without any word. He didn’t come close and that’s a good thing. I wiped my teary eyes with palm and hugged my knees. It the only one position where I can feel at least one percent safe.

“Did you drink medicine?” he asked such stupid thing, that at first I even couldn’t find strengths to answer.

“It doesn’t help… nothing helps.” I murmured and hugged myself harder.

It was cold and hot, I was all sweaty and I bet I stank horrible, but I didn’t care. I just wanted for Phichit to find a magical solution and after three days of all this pain in a row, I actually didn’t care what kind of solution it will be. Even if he managed to bring Victor here somehow. From this thought, I started hating myself even more. How weak I became?

Just a few seconds later I understood that Phichit hasn't answered, he was gone somewhere, I took a deep breath and tried to listen. Phichit was talking with someone in the living room on the phone. Really? Will he bring Victor here? Just from this thought, my face started burning again and my body shivered. Just from a thought that Victor will touch me again, just for his single look, I would give anything... anything… for this nightmare to stop. I was tired, I swear I was… it’s enough. These three days without sleeping, eating, without any peace made me give up. It seemed that I don’t even care that some will find out about my true identity. So what? My life is still a shit.

“Yuuri…”

Even before Phichit touched me, I was already trying to move from him, but he was faster and I was too tired.

“Let’s go to the bed…” he said really kindly, but my heart started going insane in the chest.

Bed?? BED?? No, I don’t want to, I can’t. I don’t want… I don’t… Not with him, not with anyone else.

“Yuuri, calm down… shhh, it’s alright. Let’s go, I will help you.”

Phichit almost started carrying me. And what did I do? What? I started to cry, sincerely, I haven’t cried like that like ages, like a child. Because I didn’t want to go and because I couldn’t believe that my best friend will do this to me, the person who I trusted the most. I cried because it was not the Victor, who was caring me right now and I was crying because actually, I wouldn’t mind if it would be him. My life was ruined; can it get even worse?

I felt bed under me and I intensively pressed knees against my chest, at least I will try to protect myself, even if I won’t be able to resist. But all I felt, was when Phichit covered me with a blanket. He didn’t do anything else, my body was all intense, but nothing happened, even after one minute.

“I will be back soon.” He just finally said something and I heard how Phichit closed the door.

He came back really soon, but I thought about fifty places and ways where he went and what he has done. I lifted my head and licked dry lips, almost expecting to see Victor in front looking at me with those deep blue eyes, feeling the same what I am feeling. But there was still just Phichit with a pale face, holding a glass of water and two pills.

“I said it doesn’t help…” I tried to hide my face again a little bit disappointed.

“Just drink it.”

It’s really rare to hear tone like that from Phichit. It was cold and strange, but I couldn’t move my arms just stare, so he put the pill into my mouth and helped to swallow with water, even if half of it just ran on the pillow.

I closed my eyes again and waited for that moment when I get sick, all other times it took like a half minute for me to throw up and after that, I would start to feel even worse. So this time should be the same. But instead of that, my body started to relax and the first time in three days I saw clear view when I again opened my eyes. Phichit was still standing next to my bed, I looked at him and he wasn’t blurry anymore.

“What… what is that?” I asked.

The feeling was sudden and incredible light, like a ton of weight would have been pushed down from me. I squeezed the pillow between my fingers and bit my lip. This horrible pain and dizziness I had to go through were over just in few minutes. If only I knew this sooner.

“I got you suppressants. Stronger than usually… Damn, Yuuri, I can’t even say… that sweet smell which was coming from you… even made me dizzy, but until now I was sure that I saw you in the worst conditions. What happened?”

He was standing a little bit further from the bed. It must be hard for him. And what horrible person I am, how could I think that Phichit may do something to me. He would never hurt me, right? I shook head and hid my face in palms, the heat was gone, now I just felt how sweaty I am everywhere, how tired, worn out.

“Yuuri, talk with me. Your heat should have started just after three weeks. Did… oh god, don’t tell that someone tried to hurt you!” He suddenly shouted and started walking around “I should have understood that! I thought that you are still mad at me… and…”

“No. It wasn’t like that.”

I silently interrupted him and got up a little bit; half sitting, wrapping myself in the blanket even harder. I really needed a shower. Phichit looked at me and I didn’t know how to say it. Remember all those things I wanted from Victor, thinking about him, right now made me feel so embarrassed.

“I think… I found my Mate.”

I spoke again quietly looking at my fingers, they were still trembling a bit. I said every word slowly like I wouldn’t believe myself. I didn’t want to believe.

“Whaaat? When? Yuuri! But that’s a good thing, right? If you found your mate he can protect you! You don’t have to hide anymore.”  
Phichit was still talking, but I started shaking my head. No, it’s not like I planned, I can’t let this happen. Not even mention the fact that my mate it’s someone impossible for me. I should have just said that my heat started when I kissed Victor, but I didn’t want Phichit to know. First time in my life I wanted to keep this for myself. I was sure that I can handle somehow.

“It’s not that simple… Phichit. I just… need that medicine you just gave to me and I am sure I will be just fine.”

“But why Yuuri? Why are you so stubborn? Don't you understand how lucky you are? Most of the Omegas can’t find a Mate all their life, that’s why they are hiding, that’s why others are using them because finding your Mate it’s nearly impossible and somehow you manage to do that and all you can say, that it’s not simple?? Simple as that. Go and find him.”

Phichit’s words made me want to laugh when he talked like that... it really sounded simple. Go and find Victor, and just give him a chance to see that I am his Mate. And then I will belong to him. But who says that Victor will accept me as his Mate? Who can make sure that he won’t give me to somebody else, that he won’t make me his toy? I don’t want to be somebody’s property. I just wanted to be myself.

“It’s not that simple…” I just repeated because I didn’t know what else to say.

“Why are you so stubborn…” he sighed.

“Phichit.... you know, I am a piece of trash, who goes into heat like an animal. You don’t understand... these days I would have given anything for somebody to….”

I couldn’t make myself to say the word fuck me, so I just made this clear with a long pause.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Like a sick person, thinking that he might come, even if he doesn’t know anything about me. I made myself not to move and I hated myself for not moving because all I really wanted to is run from here and find him. It’s horrible, Phichit. The thing I am… I don’t know how much longer I can live with this. Can’t you understand? I don’t belong here… Every day was like no ending nightmare and now, when I found a person who might be my Mate, it got even worse. I can’t go to him and I can’t clear those feelings. But it’s not my heart who wants that person… it’s just this sick body. My heart… it’s like a cold stone. It’s like… I am not capable of loving someone. And I don’t know what to do.”

I squeezed blanket between my fingers as hard as I could, but it still didn’t help to stop my tears falling from my eyes. I am crying all my life. There is always a reason for me to cry, maybe because I live in the darkness and there is no light. There is no one who can heal me from this, no one who can help me escape. If I give up, they will drag me into endless torture and if I don’t give up, I will have to live with these terrible feelings, getting deeper into depression.

“Yuuri… I don’t know what to say. I am trying to understand what are you feeling. But it’s impossible…. Maybe because I already can’t imagine my life without love and I don’t know how to live without it.”

“You are so lucky to have Seung-Gil” I nodded. Even if for Betas it’s different, but Seung –Gil and Phichit matched so well, they were together for ages and I couldn’t imagine it differently.

“I will help you. You have to know that I won’t leave you, Yuuri. No matter what. You saved my life countless times and we will figure something out, okay? Seung-Gil can get more of those suppressants that I gave you today. Just be aware that they are so much stronger than the one that you were drinking before. So use them just when you really need it, alright? If you won’t run into your Mate again, it should be fine… I heard terrible things that happened to Omegas because of those suppressants, there were few who even died. So… just be careful, alright?”

Phichit talked and I didn’t move. I couldn’t promise him all of that, but I knew that I will try to do my best. Indeed, even those suppressants I was using now were strong. Sometimes I would feel dizzy or sick, but nothing more. I was drinking them every second day, just after breakfast and I didn’t take any during my heat, I just let it pass naturally. I guess it won’t work like that anymore. When this heat started I felt so bad that I drank almost all bottle of them, but in the end, I just vomited everything back. Of course, I won’t tell this to Phichit. He is talking everything too deep into his heart.

“Thanks…” I finally murmured and sighed. Finally, I felt how tired I am, my eyes were heavy.

“And Yuuri… you should go and take a bath. Really.” Phichit laughed like it would be the biggest problem I have right now.

Yeah, if only it would be true.

 

**3 days later.**

“We are sorry for being late!”

Phichit opened the door and ran inside even before somebody said anything, I walked right after him and nodded for everyone. The feeling was a little bit strange, last time I saw these people I ran out of the room without thinking of the consequences and if Phichit tried to convince everyone that it was a part of my acting, it was still a little bit awkward. Phichit was talking how we got stuck in the traffic and how he couldn’t decide what he should wear because the weather was unclear. And he didn’t mind that nobody actually asked anything. I had a little bit time since everyone was staring at my best friend totally in shock that a person can talk so much and so fast without any pauses. I used a change to look at everyone.

Of course, first of all, I saw him. Victor. He was sitting at the end of the table, the only one who was not giving any attention to Phichit, he was looking only at me and I couldn’t stop myself from blushing. But I was ready for this, before coming here I drank two pills of suppressants (of course, Phichit didn’t know about this) and still I got a little bit surprised when I felt how current runs down my spine, just because he didn’t stop looking at me. I tried to give Victor a smile, like trying to convince him that I am totally cool about what happened the last time. Just with the corner of my eye I saw others from the last time, sadly my brains right now couldn’t remember their names, I am not even talking about those people who were new for me here, they were out of my visibility circle. Maybe next time I should try drinking three pills at once?

“Ooookay, just sit down. We understood. Just take a seat we would like to begin the meeting” Finally somebody managed to interrupt Phichit, but as always he didn’t seem hurt. With a smile, like a real manager, Phichit waited until I took a seat and then sat next to me. I was two seats from Victor. In my hand, I pressed the bottle with the suppressant in my pocket. Just in case I was ready to drink one more.

“Ehm. I will start then. As a producer and casting director of this project, I would like to say that we are really happy with this staff and I hope we will work just great together. I am doing well, right?” A man with blond hair started talking and I tried to remember his name, but the only thing I was capable of feeling, was Victor’s eyes on me.

“It’s Christophe Giacometti,” Phichit whispered to me as he was reading my mind.

“Let’s get to know each other. Most of you still don’t know any information about this project because we tried to keep it a secret until we will have a full team. So the main people here are director – Yakov Feltsman and the head of the art department – Lilia Baranoskaya”

Christophe pointed at an old man and women from the last time.

“Here we also have Georgi Popovich, the head of sound production department”

It was a black haired guy also from the last time.

“And the writer… Celestino Cialdini”

This time Chris looked at a man with long hair who I haven’t seen before, but Phichit waving at him like insane so I got the feeling that they know each other. Wait… now when I think of it, last time one of them said something about some Celestino, he was the one who helped me get in here. I was not sure if I should feel thankful or I just would like to kill him.

“The main two roles will be played by Victor Nikiforov...”

I knew that everyone now is staring at him, but I pretended that I am more interested in that bottle of water on the table.

“…and Yuuri Katsuki.” Now everyone pointed eyes at me and I held my breath. I hated that kind of attention.

“Other main cast: Yuri Plisetsky, Otabek Altin, and supporting actors. You will get to know each other and the rest of the staff and crew today at the meeting party or when the project starts. So basically rules are simple. Each of you will have their own script, with their own unique roles. It’s forbidden to tell each other anything from your script, we will have to sign a confidential agreement for that. You will all live in one house for twelve weeks and all you have to do is stay in your roles…. And…. Yes, Phichit?”

I was listening with my mouth opened, at the same time trying to imagine how everything is going to be there, I didn’t even notice that Phichit raised his hand like in some sort of class.

“Yuuri needs two weeks of vacation at the end of this and next month, is it possible to stop the filming?” I even didn’t think about that, but when Phichit spoke I remembered my heat. He is right! I can’t be with everyone during my heat, especially with Victor. My brain stopped working or what? Phichit, my savior.

“Hm? What’s the reason? If it’s something important we can start filming after that. But during the project it’s impossible for the members to leave the territory, it’s written in the contract, haven’t you read it?” Christophe looked right at Phichit's eyes as he would try to challenge him, but my friend managed to stay calm.

“I did. But I thought you could make an exception.”

“For what possible reason?”

“Maybe Yuuri is hiding something from us.”

This voice came out of nowhere. I wasn't ready to hear it; my body wasn’t ready to hear it. Heart in my chest jumped so high that it got stuck in my throat, I couldn’t breathe in nor breath out. When I looked into Victor's eyes he was smiling and I felt even worse, don’t mention the fact that even Phichit didn’t know what to say, everyone was waiting for me to speak. But how can I speak, when I can’t open my mouth?

“I… “

I coughed and tried again.

“I don’t have anything to hide.”

“Hmmm…” Victor’s smile somehow turned into different one, but I couldn’t say how then he turned down his eyes and I was free to move my head.

“Never mind Phichit, we will think of something… Please, continue Christophe.”

I murmured and looked at my friend who I think started getting what’s going on. I saw this in his eyes. Also the fact that he doesn’t know what to do. There is no way he can help me, right? I squeezed edge of the seat with my fingers and stayed like that until the meeting was over and I felt how Phichit is touching my shoulder. I don’t remember when was the last time my friend was so quiet.

 

**The same evening.**

“Yuuri we will figure something out.”

“Just stop saying this, Phichit. I had enough. There is nothing you can possibly do, alright?” I took two pills into my mouth and got out of the car.

“Yuuri, what are you drinking?? Didn’t you take two of them this morning?? Yuuri, damn it!” Phichit shouted.

But I started going towards the hotel where the meeting party took place, so he didn’t have any chance to get the answer like I would tell him. It’s better not to know. The man next to the door found our names on the list and we went inside. A lot of unknown people around us made me a part of the mass really quickly so just after a few seconds I was able to get rid of Phichit. It must be all the crew and other actors, since we don’t know what kind of roles we will have, it’s impossible to tell who is who. They didn’t say a lot about this thing, we just had to sign the document that we agree with some of the terms. I guess this movie or project is a mystery for everyone. I think every of them must have a reason why they agreed to be a part of this in the first place. Mine is a key to freedom, not even talking about the huge payment. If I manage somehow to keep my identity hidden. What could it be for him? I was looking at the blond guy named Yuri, I heard how others called him Yurio. I wonder if he also has something to hide.

“Why are you standing here alone in the corner?” I flinched when man’s voice spoke to me.

But it was just Christophe. Like always with that strange smile of his. Like he would know something more about everyone here, I am sure it’s true. I shrugged, but this kind of answer was not enough for him.

“Go and chat! You will have to spend twelve weeks with these people! Don’t you want to know them better?” he asked again with the same voice and then suddenly put a glass of champagne in my hand. It’s not his fault that I am not drinking at all, especially because I am using the suppressants, but of course, he will never know this.

“I am reall---“

“Victor!! Come here! Yuuri, you have to know him better! I mean, you are main actors!”

I was interrupted and the feeling was the same as I was slapped with a fish. Christophe wasn’t a bad person, I wanted to believe in that. But actually, it was the worst what he could have done to me. I flinched and then suddenly drank all the champagne that I had in my glass.

“I will go to get some more.” I tried to run, but Christophe grabbed my shoulder and Victor had a chance to reach us.

I couldn’t run away. Victor was smiling widely, looking like a sunshine. This smile was so much different than the one from before, I remember seeing him smiling like that just one time... when we first met. Then he didn’t have a clue who am I. if I remember well he called me “little piggy”.

“My stars! I hope you are ready for this, huh? You will have to spend a loooot of time together, so you better know each other.” Christophe quickly gave a quick smirk for Victor and then I noticed that they both are so taller than me. Here I feel super small. I am sure, Christophe is also an Alpha. Why did I leave Phichit?? After that Christophe ran away so quickly, like a magician, vanished from the spot, leaving me all alone with my sweet nightmare.

“Yuuri, right?” Victor asked and I just blinked a few times, then grabbed a new glass of champagne from the waiter next to me. That’s… strange. Three days and nights I couldn’t stop thinking about this person who is not even sure of my name.

“Right…” I answered and turned around, somehow feeling a little bit down, but then I felt a touch on my shoulder.

Not just a touch, I didn’t see, but I knew that Victor leaned down. I felt his hot breathing next to my ear. At the same moment it felt like all people around just disappeared, that no one here can hear or see us, it was like a power, like a bubble and he trapped me inside it. There were no other sounds, just his voice, nothing more just that sweet sound that made my mouth dry. And just those five words, that made my world spin around.

“I know who you are.” He whispered and the glass fell from my hand, it smashed into the floor with the horrible breaking sound and it felt like my life was over. I wasn’t sure what he knows, it could be anything, even bluff, but that moment I couldn’t think of anything else.

“You… you don’t know anything.” I answered him quietly. But I wasn’t even sure that I said something, maybe I just wanted to do that.

“Are you sure?” he turned me around. The feeling was strange like we were already acting. Or just Victor might have few different personalities.

“Why don’t you just leave me alone?” I suggested looking at my shoes. That’s so strange that no one heard or saw how I broke the glass, but it felt like I was the one broken lying on the floor right now. What is he doing?

“Maybe I can’t?” it’s like he was getting closer and closer I even stopped breathing because he was too close. What I am thinking, I can’t work with this person. It’s impossible. My head already feels dizzy and I don’t know it’s because of four pills that I took today, or because I mixed them with this strong champagne just now.

“Give up.” I didn’t simply say that.... I almost begged.

“I never give up.” He grabbed my chin and made me look at him.

What I saw was so much different from what I was expecting. It was… Sadness. Now when I think of it, I am sure that it was sadness. Even if he let me see it just for a second. I tried to guess what kind of look I had in my eyes, because I was so scared, that everything inside me was trembling. But… was I afraid of Victor or just those things that he might do with me? I don’t know what to do, even if I want to, even if I can’t let him get what he wants… it’s impossible to resist. I am already melting. So that’s how it feels when you meet your Mate? Why it had to be you? Why now? And why with me?

“Who are you?” he asked after I didn’t answer. With his thumb, Victor collected the tear which ran down my cheek. Just one, I believe so. I am so scared. I am so scared.

“I am no one. At least not the one you should be thinking about….”

“Oh, I see you are already practicing a romance scene!” Christophe again appeared from nowhere like he was standing here all the time. I jumped back from the heart attack, but Victor acted calmly. Of course.

“We… we are not.” I turned my eyes away, searching for Phichit, actually for any possibility to get out of here.

“You really are a porn star, Yuuri? Sometimes I doubt it, you look just too innocence.” Christophe laughed and actually I didn’t have any words for this.

He is right and not at the same time. Filming a porn movie was just an act for me, no one knew who I become after that, how depressed my life is, how much anxiety I have in my heart. I was an actor; all my life is just an act. Living with the Masks. And here… no, not just here. But in front of Victor, I am incapable to put any masks on. Why? Because he is my destinated Mate? What if I don’t believe in that kind of things. What to do if my body already belongs to Victor, but I can’t say the same about my heart? I don’t have a heart… I don’t know how to love. Omegas… we are made from instincts… we don’t have anything of our own, not even rights, so how can I let him closer? How will I stay in role those 12 weeks? What kind of role will I have?

“You will love your roles. It will change your life forever.” I heard Christophe voice again, it’s like he has read my mind. “We brought you from different fields on purpose."

“Explain to Yuuri what do you mean by that, I am sure he still doesn’t know.” Even if I wasn’t looking at Victor, his voice was like a bucket of cold water for me.

“Well… Victor is an actor, you are a porn star, Yurio over there is a ballet dancer, Otabek is an ice skater. There are also supporting actors like Sara who works as a model or Mila... she is a photographer… I would say we have a nice and creative team, so…”

“You forgot to tell Yuuri about JJ…” Victor silently laughed and Christophe rolled his eyes. It’s some kind of inside joke, right?  
Something that I am not a part of.

“I have to go to find my manager. Sorry.” As soon as I got the chance to split this sentence out, I ran away from both of them. From both of those Alphas, even though I knew that I can’t possibly run from one of them.

And still I heard Victor asking:

“He is Beta, right?”

“Who else, definitely not Alpha.” I just heard how Christophe giggled and I quickly turned around the corner and found the exit through the glass door.

“I am in such deep shit…” I murmured to myself.

It was a backyard. I found some bench and sat on it. Seriously, my hands were still trembling and I felt a strange heat in my chest, my eyes… my eyes were burning out, from those tears that came from nowhere. I don’t think I can do that. Or can I? I closed my eyes and sighed, even now the view was spinning a little bit. I shouldn’t have drunk champagne or at least more medicine before that. Now, this mix combination made me feel strange, a little bit sick. The only one solution is to find Phichit and make him get me back home. Just for a second, I will close my eyes just for a second.

I am afraid of the darkness. Really I am. Because when the darkness begins he comes in. My dad was Omega and Alpha rapped him, I wasn’t born from love. When my dad understood that he is pregnant, he ran away in order to save me. We were poor and my dad was selling himself just to get the money for food, for clothes. I was his secret, only one person knew about me… our neighbor. Rich Alpha, who said that he will protect us, as long as my dad won’t resist. At that time, I didn’t know what it means…. I always waited for him in that dark small room, waiting for my dad to come back and hug me. Sometimes he didn’t even have strengths for that, so I was the one hugging him. He had a lot of bruises and scratches, he was coming home bleeding, even with broken bones. I heard how he was crying at night when he thought that I am sleeping. He cried and silently repeated: “It’s going to be alright, Yuuri. I will protect you. I will protect you… it’s alright my boy, nobody will hurt you.” For a long time, I believed in him. Even there was a time when he wouldn’t come back even for a few days, but in the end, he always opened the door and let the light in. Until that night, when I heard the scream. “No. Not Yuuri. Take me. Take me.” He repeated over and over again and I hugged my blanket harder. “Just not him. Not him. Take me.” My father’s begging was like a long creepy scream and then the door opened. But the light didn’t come in, there was just a darkness.

I suddenly woke up and sat in the bed. Damn it. That dream… again. How did I fall asleep? I couldn’t remember. But now I was in someone’s bed. Just with my underwear. For a second I got so scared when I felt that there is a person lying next to me. I didn’t know what was I expecting, but when I slowly turned my head, I saw Victor’s face. He was sleeping. His silhouette was lit by a moonlight coming from the space between curtains. He was a light himself. A light in the dark. That was the first thought that came into my mind. How I got here? When? And what he has done to me? These questions were out of my mind. That’s strange… it’s not like me. It’s not like me to look at the stranger, who is Alpha and feel calm. Maybe I am still dreaming? And Victor… Victor looks so different here, he looks younger, he looks like someone who doesn't need much, peaceful. I think… I will never forget this view.

So… a Mate, huh? I should feel really lucky, that I have found mine. But I can’t. No matter what Destiny gave to me, there is something that I am not capable to change. Like the fact, that I hate Alphas, or that nobody can know that I am an Omega. That’s how I live all my life. A porn star, who gets money for fucking others, for pretending of making love, not actually making it. I live in the shadow and that’s how I feel safe. There is no such thing as destiny nor Mate exist. Nobody will protect me. And no matter what my body tells me… Victor, you are not the one. You are not.

There was one thing I wanted to do so badly again. Touch his hair. So maybe it’s a dream, maybe my heat started again and I am having a hallucination. I mean… how else can I feel so clam? But lying next to him feels nice, feels safe. I reached for his silver hair and let them slip through my fingers. They were soft, I guess someone who will get to be with him will have a lot of pleasure playing with them. At least I would. My fingers accidentally touched his cheek and I couldn’t resist, my fingers moved on their own. I put my palm on his skin and held like that for a second. How can some so beautiful hurt others that badly? Tell me the truth, Victor… you are also a part of this, right? You are also making fun of other Omegas. Of course… you Alphas are all the same. It’s in your blood. Even if I want to believe that in your heart you are not such a bad person, I can’t.

Victor… if I could dream… about other life. Where I could be someone else, I think I would dream about someone like you. Someone who never gives up. Sadly… my thumb touched his lower lip, it was a little bit wet. I would never do something like that in real life, I wouldn’t have courage for that. But if that’s an act, at least… if you think that it’s just an act, maybe I can let myself to lose control a little bit. At least until the end. Say, Victor? Could you love someone like me if you knew who I really am? And what kind of sadness lies in your eyes? I leaned forward and just for a second laid my head on his shoulder. He smelled like flowers, some rich taste which I will never reach. For you those 12 weeks will be a game, right? For me… for me… it will be survival.

I got up from the bed and saw my clothes on the chair. When I looked through the window I understood that we are in the same hotel where the meeting party took place. At least I know where I am, even if I don’t have I idea how I ended up like this. I put on my clothes and looked at all those missed calls from Phichit. Then went towards the door. For one second before leaving I looked at the mirror and I swear I saw that Victor is looking at me. But turning around would be pointless. Even if he felt something, he can’t prove anything. It was the first night when I slept with Victor Nikiforov. Believe me or not, my heart was calm, at least until the second when I closed the door behind me. Nothing happened. At all. He didn’t chase me. Why would he? And I didn’t come back. Why would I? This was a goodbye.

Why? I couldn’t stop asking while going down with elevator. I couldn’t stop crying either. Because after I left my life became worthless again. These 12 weeks will be full of Night. The name says it all.

 

 

**12 Weeks of Night.**

_Rules and Roles_

Yuuri Katsuki #2 main role.

1\. It’s strictly forbidden to tell anyone anything, including giving hints, about the part you are playing or what is going in the house.  
2\. No matter what, stay in the role.  
3\. All the main and supporting characters will live in the same house for 12 weeks.  
4\. Every week you will get your main goal which you have to reach by the end of the following week.  
5\. Every week one more feature to your character will be added.  
6\. There is no script. As long as you stay in the role any actions, activities or changes are possible.  
7\. You can get off the character every time you leave the house. The main thing is to stay in the role while you are with other characters.  
8\. During these 12 weeks outside the house, it’s strictly forbidden to spend the time with other actors.  
9\. Each character will have their own room; they have to wear those clothes which are prepared for them.  
10\. Unless one of these rules are broken, nothing else can possibly stop the project.

Character: Whore  
The goal of the week: Make Victor Nikiforov fall in love with you.


	3. Week 1. Whore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!!  
> If you are a sensitive person who can't read any dark things, triggers, angst (I mean a lot of it) and really dark psychological stuff this fanfiction is not for you, my sweet little fellow. Just stay away from the darkness, because characters here will suffer a lot until happiness comes. Oh yes, there will be happiness, but I can't say when and for how long.  
> So if you decided to read this chapter and you didn't like what happened. Sorry. You have been warned. <3

_Monday 11:57 a.m._

I looked at my phone again. For the third time in one minute. The time was the same 11:57. I was told to sit in my new room until 12 p.m. I guess that’s the time when we all can go out from our rooms. I wasn’t sure because I haven’t seen anyone here. It all seemed like a well-prepared isolator, at least that’s how I felt when I was taken with the boat to this small island when the only building standing was this house, from outside looking like a castle. There wasn’t a lot of place outside the gates. I didn’t have a chance to see much because I was told to go straight inside, but I saw that there might be a garden, nothing more. The view of the sea from my room’s window just reminded me how far away I am. Literally in the middle of nowhere.

As I understood everyone was brought here at the different time, just in case that we won't meet before shooting starts. Phichit came with me, but he couldn’t go inside the house, so we just stood in front of each other for a few seconds in silence. Since the meeting party I haven’t seen anyone from the cast, just Phichit got an email with my “script” (if we can call that piece of paper like that) and place with time where should I come. I won’t be allowed to leave this place for 12 weeks. Three months. Phichit didn’t ask any more about my mate or the heat, we didn’t even talk about that time when I passed out in the party and Victor carried me to one of the hotel’s room. For these two weeks, Phichit was quiet like never. I guess he felt guilty for everything or maybe he was just worried, but there was nothing to be done. Before we left he gave 3 boxes of suppressants saying that it should be enough. One of them was really strong, Phichit warned me to use it just during the heat, the fourth box he gave me just before I entered the house was still unknown for me. There was nothing written on it and I could have guessed what might be inside, but when I started to think about this it made me sick. The only thing that might be there… was birth control pills. I hoped that I won’t need them.

What I was sure about… that my life will change here. It’s unavoidable. They will find out about my identity because even with suppressants I won’t be able to hide my heat completely, especially with Victor here. But I have read the rules of this project million times until I found, that they can’t stop the shooting because I am not breaking any rules. I wanted to believe that they will find out my identity as an interesting plot twist, but until then I have around three weeks, so I have to think what to do in both cases. Most likely it will be too interesting to make fun of me so they won’t stop the project, but what will happen when the project ends? After these 12 weeks… the real night will come into my life, right? Phichit didn’t hug me, and that was a good thing, I also didn’t want to think that it might be a goodbye. I could have run away, but at that moment when I signed the contract for this movie, I decided that it’s enough running in my life.

My room was the last one on the second floor. It was spacious and light, a lot of space but maybe because of that, I started to feel even smaller. I didn’t have any stuff with me, I wasn’t allowed to take any, they will give me everything I need – that’s what I was told, but I was able to take in my medicine inside and that’s the most important thing. There were clothes prepared for me on the bed and once I saw them, I understood: a whore is not just a character… they expect a real thing from me. Ripped jeans and white shirt, there was a note next to the clothes: _Leave shirt unbuttoned._  Nice. Before I changed my clothes I looked around. As there was written in the contract there were cameras in all rooms and places in this house, but they were so small so it would be impossible to find them. Since I still had time until twelve, I have decided to let me be myself just for the last time, so I opened the wardrobe door and made myself a shield just then changed my clothes, I guess they also had a camera hidden somewhere, but still. Since then I haven’t moved from the bed, trying to repeat everything in my head. It won’t be hard, Yuuri. It won’t be. You have been acting like whore almost half or your life.

My phone alarm gave a sign that it’s started and I breathed out. No matter what you think, no matter what they will tell you, just stay in the role, Yuuri. It’s the only thing you can do here to survive.  
I started going little by little towards my door and I slowly opened them looked at empty corridor. Really? Maybe I understood something wrong? There must be at least 12 of us and…

“Oh...”

Suddenly I let the sound out when other door opened and I saw a guy with black leather jacket, looking like a cool model who just came here for a photoshoot. I don’t think I have seen him or I would say I can’t remember him.

“What?”

He looked right at me, scanning my clothes and I wished I had something more on me. His eyes were dark and the gaze was strong. But it’s impossible to say if I am seeing a real person or just a really good actor.

Show begins. Just don’t mess up, Yuuri.

“Nothing...”

I walked towards him, keeping my arms in the pockets and breathing slowly. And I didn’t move my eyes even when he stepped back. I don’t know why suddenly I felt so powerful, maybe because it was all just an act?

“Stay away from me.” He silently said and somehow his tone sounded dangerous.

I wanted to stay away from him. Oh god, if I could I would stay in the corner for all these weeks and just pretend that I don’t exist, but I couldn’t. So instead of listening, I came even closer, so close that the poor guy had to touch the wall with his back.

“Why should I? Don’t you want to—“

I didn’t have a chance to finish my sentence. It happened like in the real action drama movie, not in rehearsal and not with some kind of special effects which only looks real, but in reality, is fake… it was life. He punched me, right in the face with his fist. This was so unexpected that first I just felt how I am falling and just then the pain. Here we have. It didn‘t take me even a five minutes. I grabbed on my cheek and breathed the air out. That was just too real. I couldn‘t taste blood in my mouth so I wasn‘t hurt that badly, but my cheek was twitching. The guy was already gone, I heard how he is going down the stairs, I just lied on the floor for a little bit more. I wanted to laugh, to be honest. And cry at the same time. So that‘s what it‘s happening. They weren‘t kidding. This place doesn‘t have rules. It‘s basically a bunch of people living together with their own mental problem and strange character.

“Yuuri???” Suddenly I heard the voice that scared me more than this punch. Damn it. Victor. Why? I sat on the floor and of course, I saw him coming out from the door which was just next to my room. How else.

I wanted to shake my head and tell him to go away, but it’s not who I am right now…

“Can…. You help me?”

It was extremely hard to say these words for him, but it sounded quite natural. I didn’t have any clue what kind of role Victor has. Maybe he would punch me too, I could expect from him anything, but he just quickly came to me and I raised my hand, but Victor grabbed me around the waist and I was on my feet faster than I could understand.

“Who did this to you?”

He looked really scared for a second and I forgot that we are just acting. He was just too good. I believed. I really believed that he cares and I let myself to drown in the illusion. I grabbed onto his sweater and somehow just felt how my hands are trembling. For one second, I guess at that moment when I believed in his perfect act, I wanted to tell him the truth, I wanted him to ask to take care of me, I wanted to beg not to hurt me. And I could be anything he wants, for twelve weeks or years, doesn’t matter. How will I hold myself down?

“Who did this to you?”

Victor repeated to me, we still didn’t move and I couldn’t let go of his sweater. He was patient. Was he always like that? I met him just a few times, but it was enough, today Victor was different and I knew that now we are nothing more than actors, but I couldn’t help myself from feeling hurt. I won’t have a chance to know the real him. But I have to make him fall in love with me somehow without making everything worse for myself. How?

I shook my head because I didn’t know who hit me and it didn’t really matter anymore. That’s how my body reacts next to Victor, even if the heart doesn’t want to. I just can’t help myself but feel really calm. Feel somewhere, where I belong. I don’t want to go anywhere from him, I just want to stay close… right here and I think that would be enough. If only things would be so simple. But there is something that I must do. I slowly raised my hands which were still trembling. First I saw his lips then eyes. Victor was looking at me with the same worried look, with that caring sparkle which I haven’t seen for so long… now when I remember the only person who used to look at me like this, was dead. With fingertips, I touched his cheeks and held my breath for a second.

“What are you doing, Yuuri?”

Victor’s face didn’t change when he asked the question. It sounded simple. What I was trying to do. I am doing what I have to… I am… who I have to be here.

“Giving my thanks of course.” I silently answered, but my heart started beating like crazy. Again, this act is just too easy. It’s just easy because my body doesn't want anyone else just Victor.

“It’s not… how it should be.” He answered. I blinked for a few times. What? “I don’t want for you to force yourself.” He said with the lips and stepped back. What does he mean? We are here for that, no? I mean… there is nothing natural.

“I don’t understand what are you talking about…”

I said quietly not letting go of his face, Victor didn’t move. doesn't answer If I haven't drunk suppressants just half an hour ago, I guess his touches would burn. If only you knew.

“I hope one day you will…”

Victor answered. With one hand he touched my hair like I would be just a little boy and I really wanted cry. Because I really wanted to understand… just to make the life easier.

“Oh my god. Get a room you two. From the first second… damn it. I will puke if you continue doing this stuff all the time.”

Yurio’s voice came from the other side of the corridor and I stepped away from Victor. Well, this one hasn't changed at all.

“You are jealous or what?”

I was myself surprised that I was the one who asked this and after my words Victor let his hands go and I used the chance of freedom to reach Yurio, one second and my arms were around his neck. I really expected some punch or at least the scream more than anything, but Yurio just sighed. What?

“It seems that you don’t care who it is if only you can grab on him.”

Yurio’s voice was silent and he looked at Victor for a second even if this sentence was meant to me. I also looked at the silver-haired man next to us. Disappointed. That’s how Victor looked. Like he would have seen some scene in a drama that really have disappointed him. I remained silent, but Victor passed through us and went down.

“You can let me go now.” Yurio rolled his eyes and I did this immediately. “So… what now? You will kiss me or what, but you don’t have balls for that.” He quickly smiled at me and again I felt that strange vibe coming from him. He is not Beta, neither he is Alpha.

“Yurio… are you Omega?”

Oh dear God, I don’t know what got into me, it just slipped through my lips and at the same second I started regretting it. Of course, he won’t admit it and I was so stupid to ask this kind of thing. But just a little hope that I might be not the only one Omega here, made my brains shut down for a second. Yurio’s face froze, he tried to speak, but he couldn’t. I knew he can’t. Damn it, what I am doing??? But if that’s the truth then he has to tell me… how… how he has such a good life? Normal job? How is he able to hide such a thing so easily next to Alphas?

“Are you insane…?” he answered, more like whispered and then walked from me as fast as he could, leaving my mind totally confused. Damn it. Because of my stupid brain, I just lost a person who might have been my ally.

I didn’t have any other choice just to follow all of these three really strange people downstairs, holding on my burning cheek. It wasn’t cold here at all, but somehow I wanted to button up my shirt so badly, that one of my hands I kept hugging my waist like it would help a little bit. This place was huge. Such huge that I don’t know if that’s possible that we all will meet in the same room at the same time. I entered the hallway and saw two girls talking. One of them I have recognized from my casting audition. She met me and showed the room. What was her name again? Sara.

“Yuuri!” She smiled and waived for me. I wonder how she remembers the name. “This is my girlfriend Mila. Mila this is Yuuri, the porn star that I have told you about, remember?”

Sara was smiling widely and I saw how Mila is scanning me with her eyes, I guess she expected something else, something more like Victor type.

“Yeees, I remember now. I am so interested! How things go there… do you… like… for real… make love to each other? Like doing all that stuff or it’s just special effects?”

Mila placed one finger to her lips and I understood that she is teasing me.

“I can show you if you want.”

I tried to sound natural. But oh God, I would never say something like it I would be myself. I would have told her the truth how horrible is it. How bad I felt, how I destroyed my life, my view of love and making love. There are no feelings, just sex. Just an act, once it’s done, everything is over. If she would be able to hear the truth, I guess the smile would vanish from her face.

For a second they both got lost, I guess they didn’t expect these words from me. Well neither expected I.

“And we don’t make love. Mostly we fuck. Now excuse me, ladies. Mila, let me know if you want some private lecture?” I waved and turned to the left where I imagined that kitchen should be. Oh my… those two girls could become my friends. The friends I could possibly have because they are girls and they won’t do anything bad to me. But I failed. Because it’s what the script said. Is it enough?

It was the kitchen as I thought, it was a huge one. Easy for twelve people to eat together. But I guess today is not the day when we will do that. The door opened and someone came to the kitchen, another person that I haven’t seen before. This one looked younger. If I have to flirt with every one of them, I just…

“Are you hungry? Lunch will be just after an hour, sorry.” He smiled with a guilty smile. Of course… of course, there must be someone who cooks for all of us. Is he also an actor? Damn it, I don’t have any idea who can I trust here. I haven’t answered anything to him, just passed through totally forgetting that I wanted to take the ice for my cheek. I guess it wasn’t that bad after all.

Next room was smaller, but what made me feel even worse is that I came right at that moment when Yurio was flying right into the wall next to me.

“I said don’t touch me are you all deaf??”

The same guy who hit me with the leather jacket shouted at Yurio and then breathed out the air. Suddenly two types of feelings started ripping me apart. One of them, that I shouldn’t be here. The other one that I need to help Yurio. Even if he didn’t admit me the truth.

“Please…. Otabek. Please.”

Yurio silently asked, with that voice that made me understand that it was super hard for him to ask this. They still haven’t noticed me standing right next to the door. The blond guy covered his face with both palms. It can’t be just an acting! It’s impossible. What the hell is going on? I need to stop this. How this guy Otabek or whatever lets himself do something like that??

“Let them be.”

I heard a whisper in my ear and someone (the one and the only) pulled me away into the room next to this one. I am not sure if Yurio and Otabek heard us.

“Why the hell you didn’t let me stop him?” I accidentally said this louder than I wanted. But I couldn’t ignore this kind of things that have been going from the first second.

“It’s not your business.”

Victor’s voice wasn’t cold, but he gave me the clear clue that this topic must be closed. I couldn’t agree with this. I knew that it was already out of my character. But I have seen and been through a lot of shit in my life and I couldn’t be clam seeing how others are hurt. At this moment I didn’t even care that this project might be stopped because I will ruin everything on the first hour. But I needed to protect others, just because I know how it feels to have no one who can protect you.

“So you will just let Otabek beat the shit out of Yurio?? What the hell is wrong with you?”

Seriously it’s not how someone normally would react. I can’t let this thing continue. For that guy Otabek… he…. He must be Alpha… and he must know that Yurio is Omega. I can’t find out other explanation. That’s why Victor is so calm! Of course. Is this my future? I suddenly covered my lips with palms.

“Hey, calm down… everything can be explained. Yuuri, listen… don’t take everything you see here for granted. Don’t…--“

“I didn’t agree with this kind of thing. I don’t want to live in this place like that. Are you all insane? And it’s normal for you to see how Yurio is being beaten just because he is an Omega? So what that he is different? Are you also like Otabek? Getting pleasure of beating those who can’t protect themselves…?”

As I was talking Victor’s eyes were getting bigger. Was he surprised that I can actually say something smart? Or was he shocked because I already broke all the rules I shouldn’t have broken? I quickly looked around as if Christophe could come any second in and tell me that everything is over. But nothing happened, Victor was still looking at me the same.

“What…?” he finally said so lost and now I got surprised. What…. What? Don’t tell me Victor didn’t know any of this I just said.

“Noth-ing… I will go back to my room.” Just in these like third minutes, I had enough for the rest of the day. This is what kind of life will it be here? For twelve weeks? I will go insane.

“No… no no no. Explain. Yurio Omega? What? He is an Alpha.” Victor was in total shock.

Alpha my ass. You are an Alpha, but Yurio… God damn it. I shouldn’t be explaining that. I messed up already.

“Like you said, it’s not my business.”

I went through and Victor didn’t stop me. Now I only had to beg not to meet anyone on my way back. Luckily, girls from hallway were gone and there was no one on the second floor, I heard someone's voice in one room, but I already was full of dramas for today. I opened my door and when I wanted to lock it from inside, I understood that there is no lock. Alright. What? How about privacy? Or this kind of word just doesn’t exist in this house? I was looking at the place were locker should be for a few seconds more and then left it like that.

_Tuesday 00:35 a.m._

I woke up from the nightmare again and also because of hunger. The hunger was a bigger problem than my nightmare about my father again. Since I came back in the room, I left it just once to take some snacks, even if I tried to walk fast I still met some people. I wasn’t in the mood to act like a whore and I didn’t care what Christophe is thinking about my acting skills right now. I was still mad about what happened to Yurio. But I haven’t seen him or Otabek… neither Victor. I met again the guy who was working in the kitchen, his name was Kenjirou. For me, he seemed too friendly, or I just wasn’t able to trust anyone here. There was also another guy with dark hair and some of his facial features reminded me of Sara. Could they be related? I got a little bit scared that he would say something to me, but he hasn’t said a word, so I also haven’t tried to be nice. When I left the kitchen someone called him Michele, but I didn’t turn back to see who it was. I haven’t left my room since then, but maybe I won’t find anyone in the middle of the night in the kitchen?

I got up from my bed and put on the bathrobe than silently opened the door, trying to make less sounds. I went through the corridor, everywhere was a dead silence. I really wanted to stop at Victor’s room just to see how he looks when he sleeps (even if I have seen that already in the hotel), but I felt a little bit awkward that I shouted at him earlier. He must be mad. Right… I won’t succeed my week’s goal like that. Does it even matter after today?

At first, I heard and then I felt that someone is in the kitchen, even if it was dark. There was silhouette sitting at the table in the dark. Alright, my night trip ends here, that’s what I thought at first, but just then I understood that the thing I heard at first was… silent crying. I don’t lie. I knew who that person was, that’s why at first I couldn’t believe, I walked closer to him… and I couldn’t ignore this anymore. It was Victor. Sitting in the kitchen in the middle of the night. And crying. I saw a bottle next to him, half of it was already empty. Even from here I smelled a strong scent of alcohol.

“You shouldn’t be drinking… I… I am sure it won’t help.”

I didn’t have right to say something like that because I didn’t know anything about Victor’s life. But it couldn’t be worse than mine, right? Victor slowly raised his head. His cries were pure like a child’s and for at least third time today, I thought that this can’t be an act. I couldn’t control myself. Of course, I couldn’t. I reached his face just to catch those drops because something like that just didn’t seem real. So Alphas are able to cry. And I was sure that my life is a mess.

“Yuuri…”

Victor’s voice didn’t crack in the middle and he wasn’t a sobbing. It felt like he is totally sober and just calling me. But calling with the sweetest voice he could possibly make. I wasn’t sure how it all happened, maybe everything was going just inside my head, but after one second I was already in his arms. He wrapped them around my waist and placed the head on my chest. The feeling hit me so fast and hard that I had to hold my breath. Oh… I didn’t expect that. I thought that the medicine I drank today in the morning would be enough, but obviously, it wasn’t. The worse part that I already couldn’t resist Victor. It felt like I was the one drunk here, my head started spinning and I grabbed on his shoulders. No… no… please. I was begging in my head, but my body didn’t listen to me. Victor was my mate and every inch of my skin started showing that by burning, the air became hot like fire and suddenly without realizing I was throne again back to the day when I first kissed him. Just this time, Victor was here and there was no Phichit who could save me.

Our eyes met and we both were breathing faster and faster, just staring at each other. The scent coming from Victor always was strong, but now it was like a high level of heroin and I started melting, I wanted it to become part of me. I wanted Victor to fill me until the last drop with this scent. I think… I might… damn it. I kissed him or Victor kissed me it didn’t matter anymore. We were like animals there can’t be any other explanation, I grabbed onto his shoulders as hard as I could and he was holding me too tight, but I liked it. My whole body reacted when Victor suddenly grabbed my ass a and I pressed my front part closer to his. I needed to stop, but I couldn’t and that’s when our cries started to mix. I understood that I have lost so soon and that my life is over now. The most important, that I didn’t care. He let my lips go for a second and I started feeling lonely right away. I hated the feeling, mostly I hated that he is the one making me feel this way.

“Please… Victor… I need…” I begged for his kiss more, like for some vitality.

He was holding me with his one hand and with another drinking right from the bottle. I was already dizzy not just from my heat, but also from the scent of alcohol in his mouth, but it wasn’t enough for him. Victor suddenly moved and I was lying on the kitchen table holding on him with my legs and Victor’s mouth was again on mine. Give me that divine gift of his kiss, I took all alcohol from him without complaining because like that I was able to taste his tongue and I wanted more. I sucked it and bit it… I have never kissed anyone like that in my life. With so much passion. And I wanted him to see what I feel… what we are. For that second I really wanted Victor to understand that we are mates. How good is to be in his arms, how loved I suddenly feel and how my heat, first time in my life, is not disgusting to me. It’s a savior because of it, I can feel Victor with every inch. His strong arms on my body helped to cool it down.

But this heaven… soon started turning into a nightmare. I don’t know what I was expecting. Of course that we will kiss and then after saying goodnight come back to our rooms? Of course, Victor was super drunk, so was I… because even a drop of alcohol was a death to me. But I thought that I will feel safe in his arms, but I couldn’t. I should have known that he won't stop. As soon as I started feeling how Victor is taking down my underwear, some corner in my mind started screaming. It’s not how it should have ended today. No.

“Wai..t… Vic-to…”

My tongue was like made from stone, I couldn’t move it very well or say some words. I tried to push Victor away, but he was too strong. I tried again, but it was pointless. With my body, I could feel that Victor is hard and I knew what he will do. And one side of me also knew that it’s not his fault, he can’t control this, it's like I can’t control my heat. That sweet scent I am making… it must be driving him insane, not even talking about alcohol. That’s one of the main reasons why I can’t let this happen. And a lot of other reasons... like I have never been on bottom position before and I was scared like hell. I didn’t want it to be this way. I didn’t want to end up like my father… I…

Maybe a memory of him gave me these strengths and I just pushed Victor again, this time he had to let me go and I used the chance to jump off the table and run. Run, right? My bathrobe was already wide opened and underwear almost taken down, I didn’t manage to stay on my feet and I fell. Just for a second, but it was enough for him to catch me. He pressed me against the floor and took down my underwear completely leaving my ass naked. I couldn’t resist. Not because I was scared or because he was stronger. But because actually until the last drop of my skin, I wanted him to be inside of me. I wanted… but.

Nobody held my scream. I was sure it was loud enough to wake up half of the place. Even if because of the heat my insides were wet, but the fact that I have never been… I have never been…. Oh my god… it hurt so much. It hurt like hell. I remember every bad thing I did in my life and at this second I begged for mercy because it hurt that badly, the thing I felt inside me it was too big, too hard for me to handle and I couldn’t do anything else just squeeze it harder, that’s when he came. Right away, inside me and I screamed again. This time it was too easy because Victor let me go himself.

He jumped off me like I was some kind of disease and since I was lying on my hurting cheek I was able to see how he presses his back against the wall and looks at me with those big blue eyes which looked so dark right now. I almost started feeling sorry for him.

“Yuuri…I… I… am…sor…I can’t… I can’t contr…I can’t…” he closed his face and turned from me. He can’t control this, right? That’s what he wanted to say. Neither could I. It hurt… but at the same time, just at one second… right at that moment when he came inside me… I finally felt… like I want to live for this. To be his for real.

Before Victor understood that he might repeat the same thing I started moving, slowly… on my knees, trembling from pain, but somehow I moved… I crawled to the stairs and… I don’t know I got up. How I reached my room. I just did it, because I had to, I went into the bathroom, thank god this one had a locker. And I drank three pills of suppressants even if I knew that it’s too late. After getting what it wanted, my body calmed down. Like an animal. Like a whore. I squeezed my bathrobe between my fingers imagining that it’s Victor’s hand. That everything was different. That we actually made love. In bed. Then he kissed me and held until I fell asleep, that he will protect my dreams. But we can’t protect each other. This is who we are for real.

_Tuesday 1:03 p.m._

I opened my eyes. My head felt heavy. Somebody was knocking on my bathroom’s door. I heard woman’s voice calling me. Why do I feel like I was drinking yesterday? Am I in the bathroom? Why? The only thing I remember was… how I went to sleep. But how the hell I ended up here, I couldn’t explain. Maybe I wanted to go to the bathroom and fell asleep? That would be a whole new level for me. I tried to move again and then the pain got right into the lower part of my back. I even flinched. I fell on the ground?? Fainted??

“Yuuri! Yuuri! Please answer something! Or we will have to break the door. Damn it, Mila he= doesn't answer. Maybe he has done something to himself? He was so strange yesterday…”

Yesterday… hm… doesn’t ring a bell at all, but somehow deep down I felt like crying. And I couldn’t explain. A box with suppressants was lying next to me. I must overdose them. It has to be the reason. Phichit was right… this stuff is dangerous, but without them, I won’t survive here. Especially around Victor… if I lose control… one time might be enough, if he will feel my real scent, nobody will stop him. And I am sure I won’t. God damn, I need to be more careful. Everything just starting.

“I am alright! I was just taking a bath, get out of my room!”

I answered maybe too harsh. But that’s my role, right? To be the biggest whore in this place.


	4. Week 1. Goal

_Tuesday 1:10 p.m._

Girls behind the door asked few questions more, but I couldn’t answer them. I don’t know why I was feeling like shit, yes, even worse than always. I was lying on the floor, trying to remember something… any detail about last night, but everything was black. And my hurting body… not even it, but also my head. I felt so dizzy. When I finally moved my head a little bit, girls were gone. I looked at the bottle with suppressants next to me. It was opened. Did I drink more of them at night? Phichit would kill me if he knew what I am doing, I guess I will regret this later. My fingers started trembling and I covered my mouth with a hand. Something that I don’t remember, something that I can’t remember was tearing my insides in half. Maybe it all was just a nightmare, but my body was so numb.

“Yuuri…”

I heard a voice behind the door and I wished this time for sure it would be just my imagination. But I knew this sound too well. It was the part of my existence already for some time.

“Yuuri… let me in. Please. I won’t do anything, I promise… Let’s talk.”

Victor’s voice sounded like a begging and for one second everything inside me just froze. What he means by that. He won't do anything? What is he talking about? The last time I saw him… it was in the living room, right? Right?

“Yuuri.”

Do you know the feeling… the strangest feeling in the world, when you just can’t resist, you can’t refuse even if you want to...? Totally helpless. I couldn’t do anything about it. It would be really hard to explain to someone who has never felt something like that before. The feeling was crushing me. It’s because… I didn’t know Victor. Let’s admit it. I don’t know him at all. I don’t know what kind of person he really is, what he likes, what he is hiding behind those bright eyes… but for my body and mind, it didn’t matter. I understood that it’s wrong, but it’s like my everything was already his. So who will listen to my heart? No one. For my heart, Victor was stranger, for my body and mind the only one. It was so confusing. But even so… I got up. The pain inside my body was strong, but I had to reach his voice. It was necessary. Vital.

Once I opened the door, I almost fell into his arms, they were opened like he wouldn’t do anything else in his life, just waiting for me. And I wasn’t acting, I couldn’t act this smile on my face. It was a bliss. One of the happiest moments in my life.

“Yuuri… oh… I am… I am… so sorry…”

It’s like he couldn’t finish the sentence, I couldn’t understand what he means, but somehow it felt so good. I don’t know what he has done, but it didn’t matter, I guess I would let him do it again and I again if only he would always hold me like this. Somehow we reached the bed and a few moments later I was lying under the blanket.

“Yesterday… I don’t know what happened to me… I just….”

“What happened yesterday?”

I asked. Until now I didn’t want to talk at all, but suddenly something inside me jumped. I just had to hear it. He knows something? What? What happened yesterday??

Our eyes met. And I could swear, I have seen this sadness somewhere before. Victor’s eyes was a like a mirror. It felt like I am seeing my own sadness inside his. He was standing just next to the bed, not touching me, but Victor’s hand was so close, that I could reach it. What are you hiding, Victor? What story are you hiding behind this heartbreaking color? If he is acting, then I am stupid. Then I agree to be no one and nothing. If those eyes are just an act, then I agree to drown in this lie. If only he would tell me his story. I know I was foolish. I mean, obviously, Victor was just a good actor, but if I let myself live in the dream, I would imagine that he knows what I am feeling.

“I will bring you some water.”

He sighed and the connection between us exploded. He turned eyes, giving a sign, that I will never reach the truth. An act or not, but one thing he couldn’t hide. Victor was feeling guilty about something, and if it’s because of our talk yesterday… that script would be just too obvious then. Damn, I am so naïve. Looking how he walks into my bathroom, made me want to smile from my foolishness. You are so dumb, Yuuri. Stop it. Stop it before it’s not too late. I wish… I wish I could say like it’s not too late, but once I understood what Victor might find there, I knew… I am doomed.

“Yuuri, what is this?”

He suddenly showed himself in the doorway and I sat on the bed so fast as a rocket. Victor was holding the bottle with suppressants in his hand. I felt like I was stabbed in my stomach, all physical pain was gone. I just left that there… without even thinking. To be honest I felt like my tongue would be root out. I couldn’t say a word, not even talking about explaining the whole situation. There was nothing inside my head, just possibilities what might happen next. One worse than another.

“Medicine…”

I murmured when I couldn’t hold the pressure anymore because Victor wasn’t even blinking. Is he blind? Everything is written on the bottle. I was so doomed. My talks won’t change anything, but I just couldn’t admit the truth out loud.

“Did you try to suicide or what? It looks like half of it is missing.”

Wait… what? I didn’t expect this from him. Maybe Victor doesn’t know what suppressants are? If that’s the truth, I am just damn lucky. From the other side, Victor can’t be so dumb. I couldn’t turn my eyes from him, every second getting more and more into panic mode. What to do? How to explain? To be honest I don’t even remember drinking them in the bathroom tonight. But maybe that’s the reason why I am feeling like shit. It’s like I have lost my voice. Victor was waiting and I couldn’t say a thing. I shouldn’t have left them there.

“Yuuri, you can’t drink sleeping pills like that. Why you want to hurt yourself?”

Victor started going towards me and I wanted to merge into the bed. What’s going on?? My heart was beating like crazy and I guess my eyes showed how scared I am. That’s must be the reason why Victor stopped.

“I am taking these with me. Do you have more?”

He asked and before I could do anything he turned around and went back into the bathroom. And of course, he found other two boxes with suppressants and box with pregnancy control pills, that I kept next to the sink on the shelf. Really? How stupid was I? Why I didn't move to stop him. I should have done that, but everything inside me was trembling, I was so scared of what he might do and say. Scared of consequences… and of my future, that I couldn’t move. Victor came back and he showed me what he has found. Like I was some sort of criminal. Well, from one side I was. Hiding and using this… this is a crime. Everything about me is wrong. It’s like Victor wanted to say something more, but after twenty seconds he just turned around and left. I was sure that for one second I saw that his look became, even more, sadder than before.

_Wednesday 12:38 a.m._

All day I was waiting for something bad to happen. Police? Someone from royal Alphas? Christophe? Anyone who could make my life into a mess just in one second. But no one came, no one even tried to bother me again. I didn’t receive a call, saying that I must do my role and not to lie in the bed. Nobody came to me saying that I must eat, that I must get out and succeeded my goal. Victor didn’t show up with judging sparkles in his eyes. But all day I was trembling under the blanket. I didn’t want to eat nor drink, I just wished that everything up till now would be just a bad nightmare… funny because all my life is a nightmare.

Those suppressants were like a drug, time was going so slow and with every second I felt that it’s getting worse, it’s not about my heat, it was more like paranoid, that I have to drink them because something bad might happen. I just had to protect myself somehow in this cage full of dangerous people. It was so bad that at some point I started getting mad at Victor: What kind of right he had to take my medicine? What is he to me? Those suppressants belong to me and I need them, it’s not his freaking business why I am using them. I guess I was so tired of myself and of the fear itself so exactly these things made me stand up from the bed. With the same bathrobe, I walked out, the corridor was empty. Of course. Victor’s room was next to mine, so I didn’t have to walk anywhere.

I didn’t knock just silently opened the door. Victor was lying in his bed, sleeping. At least I thought so because from my point of view I saw just somebody, fully covered and…. somebody next to him. That I understood when I was in the middle of the room. There were two people lying in the bed, it was too dark to see who they were, but I was sure that he is not alone.

Yuuri, you came to find here your medicine… you don’t care with who Victor is sleeping. Yuuri, search for fucking suppressants and go hell out of here. I repeated this over and over again to myself, but the pain in my chest hit me so hard and I couldn’t understand what it means. Jealousness? Sadness? What does this pain mean? And why it hurts? I knew what I had to do and why I came here, but my legs were moving on their own, I came closer to the bed just to see better.  
  
Victor was lying on his back and next to him was Yurio. I should have known that they are not just friends… or the fact that Yurio is Omega and Victor is Alpha, so I guess it was unavoidable. I mean… it’s normal. If Yurio can’t get Otabek, he can always be with Victor, it’s natural. Nothing strange about it. Who the hell I am trying to trick here? Actually seeing this view hurt like hell. Victor was my mate, even if we can’t be together, I belong to him, I wanted him to be mine or nobody’s else. That’s why just by seeing this, I felt so betrayed. He didn’t do anything wrong. Technically. But why then I feel like crying?

I walked out and didn’t close the door, I didn’t go back to my room. I walked through the corridor and down the stairs, everywhere around were darkness, that’s why it reminded me of a strange dream with no end. But I just wanted to go out from here and it didn’t matter that I am in an island. I will just swim; I will do anything to get out. The smart decision would be to call Phichit, but I left my phone in the room and I didn’t want to go back there.

The door was locked. At first, I thought that there must be some key or a locker, but there wasn’t. I tried again and again, but it was locked for sure. Fuck the door, there were tones of windows in this place, I tried to open one and then another, but the result was the same. Just then thought accrued my mind. I was trapped. It was definitely a cage. It’s like they knew that somebody will have a thought of running so they locked the door and windows and made this luxurious jail. What the hell is going on?

“Are you searching for this?”

The voice behind me was so unexpected that I screamed and jumped at the same time. When I turned around I saw Christophe sitting on a sofa. It wasn’t a hallucination, he was here for real.

“What the hell is going on here?”

I asked with trembling voice and moved back until I felt wall behind my back. This way I was feeling safer, but keys in Christophe's hands, which he was showing to me, couldn’t be a good sign. I felt so confused.

“Can’t you guess, Yuuri? You were trying to break the rules just now. You are staying for twelve weeks here and it’s just a few days passed. You can’t keep promises at all… but sadly you can’t break them either.”

The Christophe I knew was gone. His voice wasn’t different. Still sounded like everything here it’s just a game or a movie, but his words were saying something completely different.

“I don’t know what you mean… but I don’t want to be a part of this anymore. I don’t care about money or other shit. I won’t be a part of this insane game.”

I tried to keep my voice strong, I even tried to stand still. I had to show that I am serious. Does it mean that Christophe was here all the time? Was he making fun of me all along? Does he even…

  
I lost the track of my thoughts when I saw what he is holding in another hand. It was the little white bottle of suppressants. No way. No way. Victor gave him these… oh, my god. No. Fucking Alphas. Fucking world. I just knew that something like that will happen. Christophe came here to be a judge for me, right? In the morning I will be already in the place where they keep all the trash – Omegas like me.

“We changed the bottles while you were downstairs yesterday. So don’t worry, the medicine that you drank at night and Victor found today was really nothing more than sleeping pills.” Christopher smiled wilder and shook the bottle. “Do you want the world to find out that you are Omega, Yuuri?”

He just asked this with the clam face and smiled showing perfect good guy smile. But actually, this man was so broken. I mean there can’t be other explanation. I just couldn’t understand what was just an act and what was the truth. While looking at him I tried to speak one and then the second time, but I couldn’t let any sound, it's like there was no more air around. Actually, I had so many questions. How and when did you find out? What now? But once I wanted to ask something like that, I wasn’t able to. Christophe was waiting and watching how I am being strangled by invisible hands.

“What… you want me to do?”

I felt like a total idiot asking this.

“Nothing more… just stay in your role, Yuuri. Just play the game.” He answered quietly.

“What game…? Is this… just a game to you?”  
Christophe didn’t answer at first, he stood up and put the bottle with suppressants on the table next to the sofa, few seconds after there was all four of them.

“We are all in the game, just I am already in a higher level. Don’t ruin the fun, Yuuri. Stay in your role. You will thank me later.” I was looking how he goes towards the stairs. My lower lip was trembling. First, it was just a simple project, now it turned to some kind of freaking game, what next?

“When did you find out?!” I shouted louder than I had to because I knew he will hear me.

“You mean yesterday’s night wasn’t enough?” he silently laughed and I froze. Yesterday’s night? Victor, he was apologizing for something. Did something yesterday happen? Something I don’t remember? What?

“Oh and Phichit told me, of course. I mean how else I would have given you the role?”

Last words Christophe murmured silently, but to me, it sounded like shouting. Like some crazy level of insanity, that I didn’t want to believe in. Phichit. My best friend. The one that I trusted the most in my life. Like I said, after this night I didn’t know what part of my life was the truth. If there was any truth lying out there at all.

_Wednesday 11:21 a.m._

I couldn’t sleep at all. What I did when I came back to the room? I wrote a message to Phichit, asking what he has done. But he didn’t reply, then I called, but he didn’t answer there was no internet connection here, like that I became completely isolated. Just a thought that in one of the rooms Christophe is hiding, probably looking at me through the cameras and laughing right now made me sick. What have I agreed on? How could I be so stupid? When I signed the contracted I didn’t read it at all. I trusted Phichit so much, that I just signed everything like always without even thinking. I knew that he would never do or agree with something that might hurt me. I was wrong. Mistake by mistake, I didn’t know where my life was heading.

I was afraid of the morning, of that moment when I will have to act in front everyone. Play my role, like Christophe said. I was looking at the ceiling all night and when I heard the first steps in the corridor, I just followed the sound. Like a robot, like a zombie, with only one thought: to make until the end of this day, I had the same plan for tomorrow and the day after that… and the day after that. Before leaving I drank my suppressants. I couldn’t even feel happy that Christophe gave me them back because it wasn’t my secret anymore, it was a part of the game. What else they prepared for me?

Like a robot, I followed voices and came in the kitchen. People there were all the same to me, I just heard a voice:

“Yuuri, you forgot to put on the shirt.”

The girl laughed, but I didn’t care who she was. And I didn’t want to explain, that actually today I got the message saying, that I must wear only jeans. Maybe next week they will tell me to come with no underwear. I bumped into someone, but instead of apologizing, I grabbed on man’s shirt and pulled him down, reaching for his lips. And started kissing. Sounds, that reached me, were different, someone was shouting, someone, laughing, I heard even applause. But I am just playing my role.

“What the fuck?” The man suddenly pushed me away and just now I looked into his face. It was the first time I met him. Dark hair and eyes... he looked totally disgusted. Unseen girl next to him was a perfect match for a stone because that’s how her face looked like.

“Yuuri…”

Victor’s voice behind me and then his hands. He hugged me from behind, but not like he wanted to stop me, more like he was protecting me.

“What the fuck he was doing? Are you insane? Damn it.”

The man who I just kissed started rubbing his lips with palm.

“Sorry.”

Victor apologized for me because I didn’t say anything. Shouldn't I feel guilty? Is this what you wanted me to do Christophe? Like this. I was just a small line away from bursting into tears. Victor started dragging me somewhere and I just followed his lead. Even if I felt hurt after last night, but there was nothing safer here than his hands.

“What you were doing? Kissing JJ it’s not the best idea, Yuuri. Unless you want to be punched? And since he is our doctor, there won’t be anyone to help you after that… Yuu...ri?”

While he was talking I breathed in and out few times and then stopped breathing at all. Nothing helped, not even the voice in my head saying that I mustn’t do that. I turned around, hugged Victor as hard as I could and let scream out into his chest. His sweater was warm and soft. Or maybe it just me feeling this way because it was impossible to feel different next to him. Victor didn’t hug me back, it’s not like I was expecting to get any reaction from him, but he didn’t push me away at least.

“I don’t think I can do this…”

I whispered quietly, feeling how my heart is breaking right in front of him. Is there any reason to hide now? I am screwed anyway. They will use me to make this into a really good show and then I will be sent to the hell. Sooner or later, does it makes any difference now? There is no one left that I could trust.

“Do what…?”

Victor asked with a calm voice as if he already knew the truth. I squeezed his sweater harder and lifted my head a little bit until our eyes met.

“I am… I am… I am… Omega.”

It took me some seconds to tell this. First time in my life I admitted this in front of anyone like this. Strange that this person happened to be Victor, my mate, and Alpha to be given. My hands started to tremble even more as if I waited for the moment when Victor will push me away. But he was still looking without saying anything. I don’t know why it hurt even more.

“The… thing… is that I was drinking suppressants… but… the thing you found in the bathroom was really just sleeping pills. Christophe replaced them when I was not in my room, I didn’t know that. I didn’t know that he knows the truth about me… I…”

I can’t explain how many strengths I needed to say this. It's impossible to imagine, how much my head was spinning. I didn’t have any idea if I am doing a right thing. To be honest I am not sure anymore what is right and what is wrong. It’s not like I can trust Victor, but also I can’t escape. So at least until the end… I think…

I suddenly gasped when Victor hugged me tightly. I will never forget this hug, it was like a sparkle to my lungs, sparkle of my life because I was breathing with him and my head started to spin so much. I felt like I could cry from happiness… for such simple and stupid thing. That’s how much it meant to me.

But I was nothing for him.

“What is your goal for this week?”

Victor touched my ear with his lips and moved them so slowly that it won’t be possible for any camera to catch this. From the side, we were standing there hugging each other. But my heart was tearing apart. Should I tell him?

“…to… make you fall in love with…. Me.”

I murmured into his sweater.

I don’t know why after these words I started feeling guilty. Like I was the one using Victor for my needs. Maybe that was the truth. Maybe everything started this day, I can’t be sure.

“That’s why you didn’t resist last night...? Is that the case...?”

First of all, I couldn’t understand what he is asking me about. Because I couldn’t remember last night at all. But these words… the words that Christophe said. The pain and the feeling that… something… went wrong.

I don’t know why at this strange moment I smiled. I wanted to laugh. So that’s what happened. Dad, after all… I couldn’t end up differently, right?

“I am whore… after all.”

I stepped back from him and it got so cold. I never imagine that it can be so freezing when you are not touching someone. Someone? If only he would be just someone. It’s like I am trying to hurt myself even more with this. Always remembering that.

That was awkward. This moment. I just understood what happened between us yesterday. But I couldn’t find any words. What should I say in this situation? Sorry? I just stood there, looking at my feet.

“I will… help you. To go through this, so… don’t think that I am heartless. I am sorry that I hurt you.”

I quickly raised my head, but Victor was already walking away. He silently closed the door. Leaving me in tears. Inside me, my heart was crying. It’s like I wanted to shout, to stop him, saying that we don’t have to act… that it can be more than game. But I couldn’t. Those words were too painful for me to handle.

We will go together but at the same time going through separate ways.

_Sunday 19:25 p.m._

This was the strangest week I had in my life. Until now I can’t explain if it was real or it was fake. Everything from Wednesday until now was like a strange dream. But it was going the way they wanted it to be. I was flirting with everyone, while Victor showed attention only to me, that’s what we agreed on. Little by little I started to know people here. The one I kissed on Wednesday was Jean-Jacques, everyone called him JJ. I just knew that he was a doctor here, but if it’s true in real life, I didn’t have any clue. Everyone here was not themselves, so it was impossible to guess. JJ had a fiancee Isabella who looked like she just can’t find a place like she doesn’t belong here and she came just because JJ was a part of this project. Sometimes I was able to relate to that girl.

Sara and Mila were always together giggling about everything around, even if it was not funny, sometimes I wished I could look at everything so light like those girls. Otabek was a cruel man, I saw countless time how he raised his hand at Yurio and how Yurio was still trying to reach him somehow. I felt bad for that blond boy, just because I knew there was something between him and Victor…

I never told Victor that I saw him and Yurio in the same bed, but there must be something, right? It’s just I don’t think that I learned about Victor something new at all. Like in the real movie, everything from a single word and gesture was an act. And he was so good at this. So good that it hurt.

Kenjirou, Emil, Michele, Leo, Guang Hong and some others were … were just there. Like objects for us to play with, just to make this place a little more real. It’s like they lived their own lives and didn’t pay any attention to us. Sometimes they would say word or two, but nothing more. It didn’t take long for them to start avoiding me. So I guess Christophe was happy looking at all of this through his camera even if I never saw him after that night. I even learned about every room, who lives inside there and which were empty and there was nowhere he could possible hide with all those cameras and stuff. But who knows… I mean he was fooling all of us from the start.

Usually, in mornings and at evening we would be there with Victor and with other people, almost like normal friends watching television or talking about some things that didn’t make sense. Sometimes I felt how Victor is watching me, I would raise my head and our eyes would meet. He always looked at me with a warm smile and kind look as he was really happy to see me. I tried to smile at him too. I tried to smile and… ignore my bleeding heart. It became natural for me to drink suppressants every morning and evening and my heat never repeated. Sometimes I felt really nervous next to him, I couldn’t stop myself from blushing, but like that, I just made more fun for those who watched us.

If someone would ask me to tell what we were talking about, I wouldn’t be able to. It wasn’t about me, it wasn’t about him… nor about us. It was like a talk from a dictionary, clear and straight. Form aside it might have looked normal, but actually, there was nothing out there. No sparkle, no flame, just an empty bubble. Every day Victor would go with me upstairs and wait until I go inside my room. His hugs were always short, he never hugged me like the first time. It felt like he was hugging me from the distance. It’s like… he was touching me, but at the same time not.

It’s hard to explain, but I couldn’t complain, Victor kept his promise. We never talked about what happened that night… but I could feel that he is doing everything because he is feeling guilty. Sunday was coming to an end and I guess I could have said that I completed my mission. Victor was with me, some of us might even think he is in love with me. That’s funny. Love… like the word itself is funny.

We were sitting on a bench in the garden after dinner, from this spot I could even see the sea. Victor sighed and I looked at him for a second, it’s good that it was dark outside. The middle of November after all. Like always my cheeks blushed a bit, he was perfect… in every way. Just looking at Victor seemed enough and even if it's our first week together, I couldn’t think of the time when I won’t be able to look at him like that anymore.

“Yuuri… I like you.”

Victor said this from nowhere. Like a rain from clear sky, it hit me too sudden and too hard. I should have expected that, but I wasn’t. Not that quickly… I wasn’t expecting that everything will turn into dust so fast. That really fragile thing between us just turned into nothing because of these perfect words…. which were not real.

I watched Victor looking at the sea not at me. Saying those words from his lips, like they were nothing more just a magic and I felt tears in my eyes. His face color was pale white. His eyes were bright blue. His hair was like silver… the color of stardust. But Victor wasn’t happy... like a person, who fell in love should look like. He was broken. He was also crying, but I don’t that it’s possible to fake these tears. Like I said… it was dark. Maybe it was his tears, maybe just raindrops… or maybe just my imagination.

I pressed my forehead against his shoulder and moved a little bit closer. I couldn’t answer the same to him. Because… if I would say the same it wouldn’t be just an act from my side.

“Just…for a bit… like this… is fine.”

I sobbed holding on his sleeve with one hand. When I closed my eyes and took a deep breath I remembered Victor’s eyes, not today… that night… which was erased from my memories. I remembered seeing him crying at the kitchen table. I haven’t remembered anything else, just his tears, that time he wasn’t faking them. I don’t think this time was the same… but it seemed that by saying that he likes me… he hurt himself.

“Victor… how much does it hurt for you to say this?”

I silently asked after few minutes of silence.

“You can’t even imagine.”

He was right. I couldn’t. Because I have never loved anyone before. Life sucks. Why it had to be him? In the place like this? Why he had to be someone unreachable?

“… is that person… still important to you?”

“And always will be.”

Victor answered right away. I grabbed his hand even harder. Just a little bit lies, I wanted at that second just a little bit more lies… to make this easier for both of us. But. I took a deep breath and moved a little bit back, but didn’t let go of him.

“We are actors… everything will stay within these walls… I am nothing more than… nothing more than…” I couldn’t complete the sentence especially when he looked at me. To be honest, when Victor was with me I wasn’t feeling like a whore… because every inch of my body knew that I am with the right person. “…if you could... just pretend… that I am… that person… what would you do?”

This time he didn’t give me a verbal response. Victor leaned forward and touched my lips with his. He didn’t think even for a second. My head started to spin and I had to grab on his shoulder. Victor sighed on my lips and I melted. Just a little bit more of this act and I will believe… just a little bit and everything will be alright.

“I am sorry… Yuuri. I am sorry.” He gently pressed my lower lip between his and I trembled inside.

Victor sighed again and stood up, leaving me alone on a bench he went back into the house, hiding half of his face with one palm. I looked at my empty fingers. They were trembling, I felt this somewhere before, but I couldn’t remember where. I couldn’t remember a lot… it’s like that time 6 years ago when I got into a car crash and I woke up without memories of my life since that night when my father died. There was just Phichit next to me when I woke up. That time, when Phichit told me who I am, and that I am almost 19 now, even though I thought that I am 18, it was hard to believe that almost one year of my life has vanished somewhere. My friend helped to start the life from the beginning, it felt like he was hiding something.... like I have lost something or someone important. Strange, but I was feeling the same right now.

When I came back to my room, it was almost eleven o’clock. I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, there was blood running from my nose. It’s not a first time I am having a nosebleed, it started a few days ago. Maybe these suppressants really are doing something to me, but without them, I won’t be able to live through this. If Victor would be just a simple Alpha maybe it would be possible. Sadly. I drank medicine and came back to the room holding napkin pressed to my nose. There was an envelope on my bed, I haven’t noticed it before. There was nothing more than a few sentences.

 

 _That was a heartbreaking kiss._  
_The goal of the second week: get closer with Otabek Altin._  
_P.s. Can we expect a huge drama scene when Victor finds out?;)_

 

Damn them all... Fuck. I ripped the paper few times, but it didn’t feel better. Of course, why it should?

_Monday 12:01 a.m._

“Yuuri can I… just lay next to you for a bit?”

Victor asked and I saw how his shadow is coming closer to the bed, I covered myself more, but the answer was just one.

It was the second time when I slept with Victor Nikiforov in one bed. The start of the second week.


	5. Week 2. Trust

To be honest, even after Victor was aready lying on the bed, like it would be a usual stuff, I was still expecting to wake up any second. Just a little bit more and I will open my eyes. But he didn’t go anywhere, he was still next to me. Real. I don’t know why at that moment I felt like I have seen this somewhere, the feeling was strong like we were lying like this watching at each other, not for the first time. Maybe because he was my mate. It must be it.

“Did you get your envelope for the next week?”

Victor silently asked not turning his eyes away from mine. It’s strange to watch each other like this. Usually, you would want to turn away from the person because it gets uncomfortable, but it wasn’t like that. His eyes in the dark were slightly shinning.

“Yeah, you too?”

He nodded, without any expression.

“What was written in it?”

I asked again. If I told him my goal for the last week, maybe he could tell me his? Maybe I could help him reach it. I don’t know why I wanted to help him so badly. Or… I just wanted to know what he has to do, in my heart hoping that it’s not related to Yurio somehow.

“Nothing.”

It’s his decision to tell me or not, but still, I felt a little bit hurt after hearing this word. Maybe he didn’t want me to know, maybe it’s not related to me… or maybe someone like me could never help someone like him.

“Can I help you somehow this week?”

I couldn’t believe that he asked something like that. Just a few seconds ago he totally rejected my help and now I should ask for his help. I am not that weak. Of course, it was just stupid stubbornness…. I didn’t want to speak with Otabek, not even mention the fact, that he doesn’t let anyone get close to him. Instead of an answer, I shook my head. I will deal with this somehow. I covered myself with a blanket even more, almost hiding half of my face, but Victor touched the edge of the blanket and uncovered my lips.

“I am sorry that I left you like that… it’s just… I can’t explain why I want to kiss you so badly. Even though I know that I shouldn’t. And not because we are acting… I don’t want to act when I am next to you. It’s so strange.”

Victor opened himself so suddenly at the same time touching my lower lip with his thumb, that I froze. I didn’t expect him to start speaking so honestly. How to tell him that I am feeling exactly the same next to him? I don’t want to act; I don’t want to be a whore. I want to be his, just be next to Victor, doesn’t matter how. I just wanted to feel safe. At least once in my life. But like he said himself… I know I shouldn’t feel this way either. That person… Victor loves, is it Yurio? I wanted to ask directly, but I couldn’t. And if he loves Yurio, then why he wants to kiss me? I touched his fingers on my face.

“Can I ask you something…? That person… who is still important to you… Is he similar to me?”

I didn’t wait for his approval to ask, but by asking I left him a chance not to answer. I knew that answer may hurt me. Or even destroy. I mean… if the real reason why Victor wants to kiss me is because I remind him of the person he loves… then it’s so bad… damn… that would be so bad. And still… I wouldn’t mind. Because I can’t think of anyone else I wish to kiss. I think one part of me knew that I would accept everything, even if I am just a replacement.

“I… don’t know…”

It took for him a few minutes to start speaking. But those few words left me a little bit confused. How doesn’t he know?

“I don’t… remember him.”

Should I laugh? Or should I cry? I couldn’t decide. Is he making fun of me? How can someone be important to you if you don’t even remember who is that person? Something was wrong here and I got curious about an explanation with more details or at least something that would make any sense, but then I saw tears in Victor’s eyes. Is he in pain? What’s going on? I would say he is making fun of me, but his pain looked so real. I couldn’t understand. Then, before even thinking, I heard myself saying:

“Then… it’s nothing bad to kiss… right? It’s just a kiss… nothing more… Just one more time.”

What am I saying? I could feel how my cheeks are blushing, how suddenly air becomes so heavy. Victor blinked few times and moved a little bit closer. It’s just a kiss. Right. Nothing more. I drank my suppressants, I am safe. Nothing will happen.

“Just a kiss…”

He whispered just a second before our lips met. God. It’s a drug. I grabbed his lips like it would be the last drop of my life. It’s so wrong but so good. I just could tell him, that we are mates, I could make him feel this and those kisses would belong only to me, no one would be able to tear us apart. Not even that important person who he doesn’t even remember. I licked Victor’s hot tongue, taking his breath into me. His fingers on my face, mine in his hair, I only felt how he leans on me and I understood that I have never felt anything more pleasant than his weight on me. His kisses were so soft and somehow a little bit timid… like he would be afraid to hurt me. He licked my lips leaving his taste and looked at me. For some reason, I already knew that I won’t get more. But my body wanted… heart was jumping in the throat, I was trembling and feeling hot. Nothing helps… I just can’t… stop myself from wanting him. Maybe it’s time to give up?

“If I could… I…. Yuuri, you are bleeding!”

Victor started saying something else, but suddenly his clam voice changed. I raised my hand and touched my face, the blood from the nose. Damn it. He helped me to sit, I pressed one palm to my nose and started searching for a napkin, but Victor was faster.

“Are you feeling alright…?”

He pressed napkin to my nose and I was looking at the ceiling. Of course, I am not feeling alright. He just couldn’t feel it, but my insides were in heat. It’s good that now I am not spreading my pheromones, or I am sure he wouldn’t be sitting so calm here right now.

“Yeah… it’s because of suppressants I am using… This should stop soon enough.”

I sighed. Damn it, and it had to start now. How annoying.

“What? That’s bad… when this started?? You shouldn’t drink them or this can get worse.”

His voice was so worried, that this even squeezed my heart. Damn it, Victor. You are so unfair.

“Do you have any other options?”

I couldn’t help myself just smile sadly. Victor didn’t have an answer, of course. And what’s more, he knew just a half of the truth. He pressed lips a little bit, but didn’t turn his eyes off me… and that scratching in my chest couldn’t be stopped. Even in the moment like this, I just had to know the answer.

“Tell… tell me more about that person… I don’t really understand.”

Victor was looking at me the same for a few seconds more. With his free hand, he touched my cheek and then finally smiled a little bit.

“You are literally bleeding here, and all you care is about the person I like?” he giggled as if I would be some child. He is right, I am not sure why I wanted to know so much. It’s not like I could change something. It’s not like… I can make Victor love me. “It’s hard to explain… it’s been so long… but I can’t remember his voice, nor his face… it’s just a feeling… really strong feeling.”

“I don’t understand… did something happened?”

“Yeah… I lost some of my memories during one accident… and when I woke up again, there was just this feeling… and some flashbacks… but no matter how hard I try, I can’t remember his face. But… I know that we had a Mark. And I know that we will meet someday again… like I said, it’s hard to explain.”

I was sitting with a frozen face. I knew that hearing about a person who is important to Victor will hurt, but I didn’t expect to be hurt so much. Oh, my God, I am a masochist. I asked this myself even if I knew that this could break me. I should have asked what happened… what kind of accident was it? I should have said.... I am sorry that Victor had to go through that. But… I could only think that he and that… another man… have Mark. They are Mates. Now even destiny won’t help me. That’s good… I mean… that means that I am safe… right. Shit.

“I think you should go… I am fine.”

I turned my eyes from him and grabbed napkin myself. Jeez, I am acting like a real shithead. He didn’t do anything wrong. But I wanted him to leave, like… right now.

“But…”

What’s with that but? I sighed and got out from the bed. I need to wash my face anyway. When I came back from the bathroom, Victor was already gone.

_Tuesday 9:28 am_

All Monday I spent in my room because I was feeling awful. And not just because of what Victor said, but also because the nosebleed repeated few times again and I could feel that my head gets dizzy, so I decided to stay in my room. Kenjirou was nice enough to bring me something to drink and eat… I noticed that he always had to be sure that everyone has eaten. He was nice. Sadly he is not the one I have to be worried about.

Not only Victor or my health was the problem. I was staring at my this weeks goal like it would have some secret meaning. Damn it.

Tuesday morning I felt better so I just thought I will give a try, even if I didn’t have any clue why I am trying anymore. Christophe, Victor… they know the truth about me, so I would be really naive to think that this will end up good for me. But I can’t get out… I can’t run away… so at least I can try to do something here. That’s what Christophe wanted in the first place, right?

I stopped in front of Otabek’s room and took a deep breath. If he tries to hit me, I will just run. I knocked, but nobody answered. Maybe he is downstairs? I knocked again.

“Yuuri… what are you doing?”

Yeah, this just had to be Victor. Right away.

“I just need to talk with Otabek. But I guess he is downstairs.”

I answered not looking at Victor and started going, but he caught me up pretty fast.

“Are you avoiding me?”

Don’t talk with me… just don’t. I didn’t answer.

“Your… face looks so pale… are you feeling alright? Maybe you should see JJ?”

“Yeah, just wait I will take my suppressants I am sure he will like to see them.”

I answered with sarcasm. How he doesn’t understand. It’s not a game. I don’t know why Victor was so nice to me, knowing that I am Omega. Maybe that person… the one he loves was also an Omega. Damn it, why I can’t stop thinking about this.

“Why you are talking with me like that… did I hurt you?”

These words made me stop suddenly and finally look at him. Should I say the truth? Victor is right… he didn’t deserve this. But…telling the truth won’t change anything. I bit my lip thinking about other words that might explain everything, but I couldn’t find any.

“I am sorry… I guess… it’s just because… I… I mean… maybe that’s because I like you.”

I just said this. I guess I am doomed. Damn it. Damn damn. I like him, I can’t deny it, maybe Victor will understand the real reason behind this? I hoped he will.

“Is it because what I have told you last night? You don’t have be worried about it… he is… in real life. And you are here… so…”

I blinked. What. So here… is nothing just fake? Should I laugh? Of course! That’s the reason. He is acting so nice to me because it’s just a game, nothing here is real. Kisses. Love. Friendship. Talks. Feels. Smiles. Caring… nothing. Everything is Fake.

“I need to find Otabek,” I repeated and just quickly walked away, giving a sign that he shouldn’t follow me. I can’t believe that I was so stupid, that even for a one second I thought that Victor might actually understand, that I am not faking any of my feelings.

I went into the kitchen, but I he wasn’t there. I just passed through other people and walked around a little bit more around, but he wasn’t here. I was wearing a light sweater, but it wasn’t that cold outside, so I just opened the door. Outside was the only place I didn’t search in.

I was going around the building when I heard Yuri's voice.

“For how long you will pretend that you don’t feel anything?”

“For how long will you ask me the same. It’s getting really annoying…”

Otabek’s cold voice was tired. At least he is not beating Yurio this time. I stopped just a few steps from them before Yurio had a chance to say something more for Otabek. Just before they saw me, I had a chance to see with what kind of look Yurio is looking at Otabek. It just can’t be that something is going on between Yurio and Victor… Anyway, this is the last thing I should be worried about.

“Otabek, I need to talk with you…”

I said silently, but it sounded more like I am doing something that might decide my destiny.

“You are in the middle of our talk.”

Yurio said this and I just wanted to nod and run away. I really didn’t want to feel like the third wheel… but maybe I am not. Otabek glanced at Yurio with that killing glare.

“I also need to talk with you.” He said. What? I didn’t expect this. Otabek showed me with hand to follow him. “And you… if you don’t stay away from me, you will get hurt. I mean it. This is the last time I warn you.” He didn’t look at either of us, but I guess these words were meant for Yurio. I tried not to look at that blond kid. Even if he was short, I bet he could burn people with only his eyes. I hope he won’t think that I am trying to steal Otabek from him... or whatever is going on here.

I silently apologized even though I am sure Yurio didn’t hear my words and followed Otabek further from the house. He wasn’t speaking and I was also silent. It was awkward, I looked behind me. Yurio was still standing in the same spot. He doesn’t look mad… just hurt.

We reached the other side of the island, the path was over, but Otabek didn’t stop, he was going until his feet were touching the water. I stopped just behind him. How to start the talk? But before I did that, he suddenly grabbed me and made to stand next to him, then he gave me some sheet.

_The goal of the second week: Find out the truth about Yuuri Katsuki._

I opened my mouth in astonishment. What the hell? The truth? That I am Omega? Suddenly I felt like I am about to faint any second. I just had to sit on the sand, actually, I almost fell, before that Otabek took the sheet back. We were standing that they wouldn’t be able to see us with cameras. Why? What does it mean?

“Let’s do it simply. You tell me what I need to know and I will tell you what you want to hear from me.” He just said with a tired voice.

“I can’t.” It almost sounded like apologize, but it was the truth. I can’t tell him. Enough people already know the truth.

“As I thought.” He sighed and looked at me. “Then I have no other choice. I am sorry.”

“For wha---“

I didn’t finish the sentence when he grabbed me and pressed to the hard ground. I gasped, when his hands squeezed my neck so hard that I couldn’t breathe, I let my nails into his skin, trying to catch an air. It was a total blackout, I couldn’t think of anything, not even what should I do to survive. It was getting dark around, my world was spinning and I didn’t try to resist anymore. Maybe because death was actually a solution? Or maybe because I was so weak… or maybe…

_Wednesday 01:55 am_

When I opened my eyes I saw a ceiling and the first thought was that it’s not my room. I don’t know where I was, but everything looked different. Am I alive? I tried to move my hands. Then my head.

“Well… finally.” The serious voice said and I flinched. It’s Otabek. I couldn’t see him in the dark, but he was really close. Damn it. What’s going on?

“What… what… why?” I tried to speak, but my throat hurt so much, so in the end, I just asked.

“So you are Omega.” It wasn’t a question. I don’t know why I suddenly started checking if I am with clothes, but everything was alright. So how… “I found suppressants in your pocket.” It was like he just read my mind.

“And you are Alpha,” I whispered. I can’t believe that he strangled me, just to find out the truth.

“No, I am Beta.”

What? That was strange, I was sure… that he was Alpha. Now I am really lost. He still didn’t answer my question. I took a deep breath and sighed… talking about suppressants I haven’t drunk them today… but I don’t feel bad at all? Is it because Otabek is Beta or because Victor is not around?

“We don’t have much time. They might be listening again soon. Listen carefully… don’t trust anyone here.”

“What do—“

“There is something odd about all of this. This place, all people here. Something is not right here.”

“What do you mean? Do you know something?”

Maybe he also met Christophe. Damn it, I wish I wouldn’t be the only one thinking that this is all insane.

“I don’t have time to explain. Just think about the possibility that… everything here is planned. That it had to be this way. That this game is not a game. And they are playing with our lives.”

“Wait…”

“Have you lost your memories around 6 years ago?”

From all things in the world, I was expecting this in the last place.

“What??? How… how… you?”

“As I thought. You, Yurio, me, JJ, Emil… I bet there are more. I…”

Suddenly light turned on and I heard how Otabek silently swore.

“Get out. Just remember what I have told you.”

He grabbed my hand and I was forced to get up, I gasped because everything was so sudden and confusing I didn’t have a chance to think about the information I just got. Within few seconds I was already in the corridor. Behind me, there was Otabek’s room. I touched my neck it was burning… and… oh, my God. Victor!!

I ran into his room like it was mine. He wasn’t sleeping. Standing next to the window and looking at something in his hand, when I ran in, he looked at me full of surprise.

“What happened to your neck?! I was searching for you… where have you been all day??” He wanted to come closer, but we both felt it. It was like some strange click and the room started burning in flames. No. No no no. I didn’t think before running here. Oh my god… this is so strong. I can’t… I can’t resist.

“Victor…” I just need to ask him about the accident. Did it happen 6 years ago, like mine? Can It be all related? But my mind was getting so blurry, suddenly nothing else mattered, just the man in front of me…

Victor started going towards me and I already knew that I won’t resist. The pain in my neck was nothing compared to the pain inside me, the sad feeling that he is just a few steps away from touching me. I closed the door and at the same second, I was in his hands. I never thought that the heat could be this strong. The heat I felt in my home… nothing. It was nothing compared to this. I felt like melting… Victor’s lips touched my skin and it was enough for me to get wet. My insides… this time I will remember and I don’t want him to stop.

“Victor… Victor…” I repeated in his ear, while he was ripping my clothes off and touching my trembling body. The feeling was familiar…

I bumped into the wall with my back, still calling his name like a prayer. I need this so much, his body on me. And this second it didn’t matter that he doesn’t belong to me. That he doesn’t love me. Victor was mine. I didn’t care that it was just an instinct, that everything here was happening just because of my pheromones… I just wanted that he would make me his. I wanted him to fill me inside and never let go. I just… wanted to share this flames with him. Even if I knew that he won’t be gentle. He can’t.

Victor turned me around, touching my body with both of his hands. I was literally dripping, I couldn’t hold anymore. I already came once when he touched me and my insides were asking for more. I held my breath and at the same second, he entered me. And it didn’t hurt. It was amazing… the feeling was the one I was waiting for… so long. Oh my god… how I lived without this… how…

We both loudly sighed, my body was all shivering from excitement. And at the same time… my heart was crying. Those different feelings were tearing me apart.

“Yuuri…”

He whispered into my ear and just from this sound I thought that I will cum again. He wrapped arms around my waist and I closed my eyes, trying to feel those moves inside me better. Victor suddenly hugged me harder. His sweater was touching my naked back, but even this couldn’t stop from feeling Victor’s strong heartbeat. Why is everything so fucked up? I started silently cry when he pressed lips next to the back of my neck.

If he bites me… everything will be over for sure. At the same time… If he bites me, then there will be no “person in the past”. There will be only me… Only us. Confusing. I couldn’t understand what I want and what I must do anymore.

“You are my… my… Yuuri. My Yuuri…”

I moaned from pleasure because of these words, because he said them while being so deep inside me. And it felt so good. I had two options… refuse or accept. Now I wasn’t sure, which is best.

“More… more...” I just moaned again.

He moved… and he licked the back of my neck. I closed my eyes, giving up. I decided to accept. My body decided it for me. But instead of the pain, I heard his silent sighed. Victor bit his hand, not my neck. When I gasped from this shocking view Victor pressed his head to my shoulder and moved again. Hard. Strong. My body was needed.

But not my soul.

 

_**6 YEARS AGO** _

 

“Yuuri damn it, we need to run, they are might come any second!” Yurio shouted, but I couldn’t hear him. I was holding my father’s hand, kneeling next to him, feeling how every second he is getting colder.

“You won’t help him anymore! Let’s go! Damn it!!” he tried to pull me away, but I was like a statue. “Seung-Gil and Phichit are already here! Quick! Phichit, help me, he is not moving!”

I can’t leave my father. They don’t understand. I don’t care what happens, I won’t leave him. I can’t. He might be alive… he is everything I have, I am everything he has. Somebody tried to make me stand up, somebody was yelling, but I just leaned down on him and sighed. I am not betraying you. I never will.

“Fuck… Yurio, run! Seung-Gil is there… I will stay here! Hurry!”

Phichit voice sounded so far away, even if he was so close to me. He tried to shake me, but I already gave up. I don’t want to live. I don’t see the point anymore. He was crying and I wish I could cry, but I cried so much already that my eyes were dry… until there was nothing left.

Lights, other voices and they only made grab my father’s hand harder. I am not letting him go. They will have to take me with him. Or not. Sharp pain and everything was over. Fast.

When I opened my eyes, the first thing I understood that I am not holding his hand anymore and that made me panic, I started searching him all around, but what got into me at that second, that I was in the cage. The truth hit me so hard, that I laid back and gasped. There were people staring at me. A lot of people. Their faces were like one blurry painting, but I was able to see their creepy smiles. Where is my father? What have they done to him? Where…

I couldn’t shout. My mouth was sealed with some rag. All I was able to do, is to search for help around. But there were all just those hungry eyes.

“… since he is virgin… the price is unlimited. It’s really rare opportunity to get…”

“I am taking him!” The strong voice made me flinch. Everyone was talking, but after these words made everyone shut up.

The place was dark and small, I could see around twenty people, but one of them was going towards me, a tall man with a smile, which I knew the best. And it didn’t tell anything good. I sobbed and tried to rush in the corner, like that would help me escape.

“Mister Nikiforov… we didn’t think you will show up…”

“Of course, you even didn’t send me the invitation. So his heat hasn’t started yet?”

“It seems so… I would say he is around 15 or something like that. It’s strange… but he is real gold. Good choice. But we also have others…”

“Stop licking my ass with your bullshit… I am taking this one.”

“No… wait… I…”

These were my first words. And last. Nobody would listen to me anyway. I knew what I will become. The same what my father was. Nothing more than a whore. I was sold to Alpha.

********

He was living in a really strange place. In the island. We had to get there with the boat, he didn’t touch me at all and that was a good thing, but still, I couldn’t stop trembling from fear to ask anything or even to think what can happen next. The house was huge, looked more like a castle. With garden. Some other man helped me to get off the boat and stopped me from kissing the ground, my head was still spinning. They had to give me medicine because after I heard that I was sold out, literally I started screaming Now I was calm.

“Hey, uncle!” Suddenly I saw a boy running towards us. I froze. He was older than me, maybe already eighteen. The energy going from him was strange and unknown. I grew up practically not coming out from my place, so these new feelings were creeping me out so much.

“Who is he?” the boy asked looking at me interested.

“Chris, stay away from this. He is nobody. We will sell him soon as he learns how to be human.” The man sighed and I looked at him. What? Will they sell me again? What’s going here?

“I see… you saved him from that pit. So cute. Don’t worry, nobody will touch you here… you are just not good enough for us.”

The boy laughed like he just said a really good joke, but I was so scared, that I couldn't react. My instincts told me to run and I was stupid… that actually I did that. I turned around and started running so fast like there would be an escape, but of course, there wasn't.

“Dad!!” I screamed. Please wake me up. Please wake me up from this nightmare. Nothing… nothing that happened today seemed real. I even thought that I died… I died holding his hand and this how hell looks like. Maybe…

My mind was stopped. My body stunned. My breath was taken away when I saw him walking. He didn’t notice me yet and I already was feeling the strangest feeling… the feeling how every… even the smallest part of my body stars to burn. I couldn’t understand what’s happening to me and why now, but the weather became so heavy. The only thing I wanted to do… was to run in his arm, because only there I would be safe from every bad thing around me. From nightmares. From hell. I started shivering and feeling how my cheeks start blushing. I wanted to scream from happiness and I wanted to cry from pain at the same time. I wanted to take my heart out crash it, not to feel this. It couldn’t be helped. It was a destiny or curse. Whatever now.

The silver head boy with deep blue eyes looked at me. I couldn’t understand what I was feeling, but he must be the one who will be able to end my life. Or bring it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays everyone <3 <3


	6. Week 2. Monster

_Wednesday, 09:04 a.m._

The good thing about bad situations… is that they end. No matter how long they last, everything comes to the end. Usually in the morning, the new beginning, the day when you can try thinking about it with the clear mind. Unless… the bad situation we are talking about is sleeping next to you and it’s impossible to think it over.  
Victor was lying on his stomach pressing half of his face to the pillow. Silver hair was like touched by wind, all over his face, despite that he looked like a baby. Clam, relaxed… so damn gorgeous. His right arm was wrapped around me, so when I woke up (so suddenly like from loud alarm) I felt the weight of Victor’s arm and slowly turned my head to his side. Then I saw that view… of him sleeping, early in the morning. Just for a second, it looked like a dream, but then I realized what happened. And to tell the truth, I couldn’t explain what. The connection between me and Victor was unexplainable and so strong, that neither of us had any will to control it. One sparkle – this is all it takes. We couldn’t… No… I couldn’t stop begging him for more, I remember everything so clearly, but it didn’t change the facts. I just couldn’t remember the end of this night… at what moment I have passed out. But at the last second made him do… this. Do me. And Victor was listening to my voice, I think he would have done anything this is how much I was affecting him. Well, not me… my pheromones. Only this can effect alpha so much… not mention the fact that Victor is my mate, even if he is not willing to accept that.

At night I was like dizzy, my heat was controlling the last piece of my mind. I didn’t want him to stop and I didn’t care about the future. It’s sick. It shouldn’t be like that, normally I would go to heat once in a month, like always… but what’s happening here, I couldn’t explain... at least anything I knew about Omega’s until now. Every time I meet Victor, if I haven’t drunk suppressants before, it will turn into this. Why? It’s not like I am a teenager. I am living among Alphas all the time, but always I am able to control myself, my body listens to me. But not with him… when it happened for the first time, maybe I could have explained… maybe I was unprepared. How could I knew that I will meet my mate in that audition? But now… damn. I can’t explain what’s happening to me, but this is not going well. I can’t let this continue no matter what. Especially after those strange things that Otabek told me yesterday… and that we are connected just by physical pleasure… because Victor is in love with someone else. And no matter what his body feels, his feelings won’t change.

I am such… Oh God… Why. Why the hell it’s happening to me right now? Right here? Can it be the truth that everything here is planned? Then... where was the start of this? I was so confused by different feelings. First of all, I hated myself, my body and the most important I hated that this place is such a mess without escape. Victor silently sighed and just then I understood that I am crying, even if I was covering my face with palm. I couldn’t stop it. I had enough, I didn’t want any of this anymore. I don’t need money; I don’t need to be accepted… I just want this to stop. Just to...

“Yuuri…”

Victor woke up from crying sounds I was making. But my name said with that voice of his made me cry even more. He said my name so many times last night… he said so many sweet words to me. Oh...

“Yuuri… Yuuri… shhh… Yuuri… Calm down… please.”

He said almost with scared voice, I felt Victor’s arms around me and I pressed my wet face to his chest, sobbing like somebody would be dead. Why his sensitive touch and deep voice made me cry even more right now? Victor why… why you are so unfair. Why it had to be you?

“Yuuri… you are all trembling. Please… calm down. It’s okay…”

“It’s… it’s… it’s… not… o-o-oke..y...”

I shook my head, but that made me move into his arms even more. It’s like I wanted to be protected by Victor. But I knew I can’t be.

“It hurts somewhere...? I did something wrong yesterday...? Yuuri, please… you have to tell me. Be honest with me.”

Be honest with him? How… How can I be honest with Victor, if I am not honest with myself? He is also not honest with me.

“No… no… no no no.”

With my fingertips I touched his warm chest, feeling the pleasure just by doing that. After getting what it wants, my body felt calm. I am not saying that my butt is alright because it’s not. But if only I had this pain, I would be able to deal it. But it was so much worse, my heart was bleeding so much, more than I can handle. Suddenly I felt Victor’s hand, he lifted my face and our eyes met. His face was a little bit blurry because of my tears. My lips trembled when he touched the corner of my eye trying to collect the tears. I should ask myself… why I am crying if I don’t have any idea how to solve at least one of the problems around me. I blinked a few times, still sobbing, but because our eyes met, somehow I was able to control myself from bursting into loud cries again. His eyes… are my safe haven. I sighed, it’s hard to stop trembling because I am so afraid that everything can be over just in one second.

“Is… is….”

I tried again, sadly unsuccessfully. I was still unable to speak or even make some logical phrase. Victor smiled. He leaned forward and touched my forehead with his. Strange. Everything seems so real now like... he is really happy… I sobbed again and after about a minute of heavy breathing, I tried asking again.

“Is there anything…. going between you and Yurio?”

“Oh my.... from all those questions you could choose to ask… you have chosen this one?” I was waiting. “No. There is nothing. Or at least I don’t know anything. Why are you asking?”

He was right, there were more important questions I had to ask. Some unclear parts, that I had to clear for myself. But I wanted Victor to be mine. Even if it’s possible just until we will get out of this place.

“I… can’t hide anymore. I can’t… fight anymore with this… it’s not because of this thing here or because I have to… it’s just… I like you. I like you so much… Victor. I can’t control my feelings for you. I am... incapable of stopping them… can’t you see this..?”

My hands on his chest were trembling because I was so afraid of my words and of his possible reaction. I don’t know how much I can trust his words here. And that’s scared me the most. The possibility of a lie. Because I was tired of lying, of pretending who I am not. I was living with this Mask for as long as I remember. But finally… I can take it off. My face was blushing, but he didn’t let it go, even if from embarrassment I couldn’t look directly into Victor’s eyes anymore.

But suddenly I didn’t have to, he moved even closer, to the point where his lips were touching my ear. His lips were so close and I held my breath. Victor almost didn’t make any sound, but I heard him clearly like never before. And that made me want to cry again.

“Is it true… what…. what I felt? What happened? Is it real… Yuuri, I have to know that you are not lying… is it real...?”

It’s not me. He is the one who doesn’t trust me. In this place… you can’t trust anyone.

“Please… give me any sign…. If…”

“Victor!”

Suddenly the door opened wide and Yurio was standing there just with a bathrobe. I literally screamed like a girl and hid under the blanket.

“Yurio…. What the… You can’t just enter my room like…”

“I don’t care what you think, but you have to see this. Hurry, both of you. Move your asses. Right now!”

He left the door opened and I almost wanted to become a part of this bed from embarrassment, but something in his tone didn’t let me drown in total shame. I quickly looked at Victor and he just sighed. Maybe we had a choice not to go, but the moment was ruined anyway. I used the chance and quickly moved from the bed (I can’t even explain the pain in my ass).

“I need to go to my room, see you downstairs.”

Something like that came out from my mouth and I rushed to put some clothes on me and get out.

I don’t know if I was mad at Yurio. At some point, if he waited a little bit, like 10 seconds more, something special may have happened between me and Victor. On the other side, can I be sure that it was me talking and not my other side? The one which is not thinking rationally anymore. Damn it, Yuuri you are so dumb, guess there is no other explanation.

I entered my room and went to the bathroom, maybe bath will have to wait. I just used those few minutes that I had to take suppressants and birth control pills. This should be alright, less than 24 hours have passed, so there shouldn't be any problem. But with this thought I got so sick, that thank you, God the toilet was just next to me, I coughed everything back, together with blood. My body refused to accept the pills… and even worse I can’t control this anymore.

With trembling fingers, I touched my bloody lip. My hand was so shaking, but not like a heart in the chest. The fear took control of me so quick, that tears started appearing in my eyes. I wasn’t in pain, but the view itself was enough. What’s happening to me? I was in many bad situations, but it’s a first time… that I don’t have any possible explanation. Phichit always was next to me, to help… but now he is not here and I don’t think I can trust him anymore.

I was sitting on the ground, one hand holding on the toilet and with another covering face like it could collect all my tears. What to do? What to do…

“Yuuri? Can I come in?”

I jumped in the spot after hearing Victor’s voice. I was so into thinking that I even didn’t hear how he entered the room. I looked around for a second, then grabbed toilet paper and quickly wiped my lips, slowly stood up and opened the door, that way that the floor and toilet wouldn’t be visible. I am sure that I left some blood drops there.

“I am already coming out… I will just change my shirt.” I passed through him, quickly closing the door behind me. Just in case hugging myself around the waist. I didn’t see any clothes left on the bed, so I walked to the wardrobe and found black simple shirt there. It doesn’t matter.

“Can we talk?”

He silently spoke right behind me. I was still so terrified, that I even flinched because of this sound. It’s not that I didn’t want to talk, it’s just… I was so in shock, that I wasn’t sure that I will be capable to talk. I felt his calm breathing on my naked shoulder skin, but before he made this situation worse I turned around.

“We promised to go downstairs… can we talk afterward?”

I know that now I was the one who was acting unfairly… but maybe this time would be enough for me to calm down. First I thought that Victor will say something anyway, but finally, he just nodded, or at least I thought this way because actually, I couldn't make myself to look into his eyes right now. I just hope that he won’t think… that I am regretting what happened this night.

We walked downstairs without talking, there were voices coming from the living room. Everyone was here. Everyone except… Otabek. Maybe he still didn’t come.

“What’s going on?” Victor asked going towards the couch, I stayed a little bit back. There was some envelope on the desk.

_For Everyone_

That’s all that was written. I stopped next to Sara, she quickly looked at me.

“Yuuri, are you feeling okay?” she asked with a loud voice that way making everyone notice me.

Right. Thank you, Sara. I didn’t answer. Nevermind.

“I found this here, so we called everyone… but Otabek’s room is locked and he doesn’t answer. So I don’t know… should we look what’s inside?”

Emil talked first, but soon after that Yurio started almost shouting.

“Of course not, the letter says that it's for everyone! So we will wait for Otabek!”

“God… calm down. Maybe he is not even in his room? Who saw him last?”

This time Mila spoke and I stepped back. I am not sure that I want them to know, that I was in his room before going to Victor’s. Especially that I can’t explain… what happened there.

“I don’t have a whole day for this!” JJ rolled his eyes and grabbed the envelope, quickly opened it before someone said anything else. Yurio tried to protest, but nobody paid attention. “What… the…?”

JJ opened his mouth looking at some photo in his hand. Mila, who was standing next to him, covered her mouth and Emil stepped back, a second later spoke with a trembling voice:

“God. It’s not funny. What the hell is going on?”

JJ slowly showed the photo to everyone. There was a picture… of Otabek. Lying on the ground. In blood. The view was like from some horror movie, I felt how electricity goes down my spine. Yuri screamed and Sara =grabbed armchair next to her. What in the world...

“What’s going on???” Yuri shouted, but I turned around and ran from here.

“Yuuri?!” Victor’s voice reached me and I understood that he is running after me. I quickly ran to the second floor where Otabek’s room was. I immediately tried to open the door with force, but it didn’t open so easily.

“He must be in his room! Today at night… when I left him, he was totally fine! Help someone… damn it.”

“What were you doing in his room at night?” Victor and Yurio asked at the same time. It was almost like a duet. The difference was that Victor silently asked and Yurio almost shouted at me. Does it matter right now??? I ignored both of them.

“Emil! Help me!” He was just next to me, gladly he didn’t say anything. Soon Leo joined, Kenjiro took out the knife from somewhere. As they were trying to open the door I couldn’t stop the bad feeling inside me. That something happened… because Otabek tried to tell me something.

“You!...”  
Yurio shouted and even if he was shorter than me, at this point even Mila or Sara have more strengths than me. He pushed me and I didn’t resist when I hit the wall with my back. Me…

“…whore.”

Yurio silently finished his words. Here it goes. Nobody protected me. Maybe because everyone was thinking the same. I couldn’t answer either. I guess my opinion is no different.

The door was finally opened and in front of our eyes, there was a view… exactly the same as in the photo. After that, everything happened so quickly. JJ reacted first, he came and checked Otabek’s pulse and then ordered to help pick him up. Since Victor and Emil were the tallest, they helped. It seems just a few seconds passed and I was already alone in the corridor. Almost everyone went downstairs, I heard Leo saying something about drinking. Nobody said me anything, just… gave me that glance, Yurio with extra hate; which was saying one: they think that I did it.

Of course… I know how it seems now. I am a slut. Omega. Killer. Whole complex. Damn it. Did you plan this, Christophe? Are you happy? I looked at the camera in the corner, it was invisible, but I just guessed where it could be. Where should I go? It’s not like I can go check how is Otabek… I don’t even know where they went.

I was just thinking about Victor when he suddenly showed up. He saw me. My heart stopped for a second, his look has changed. It’s cold… he wasn’t looking at me like that in the morning.

“It… wasn’t me…”

I said with such trembling and silent voice, that I am not sure that he heard me. But he did. I couldn’t see if he believed in me or not. But how he even thinks… that I hurt someone that badly and then ran right into his arms to fuck. Even this thought made me feel so bad. Feel so lame… so down. That Victor might think of me as some sort of… heartless thing. Even if I was… but I would have given everything for him to think differently. But.

Victor passed through me and soon I heard how he slams the door of his room. I flinched. The sound hit me right in the heart that I thought I don’t have. He doesn’t believe me.

I went back to my room and sat on the bed. This morning, just for a second everything almost turned into a good side. And now again falling apart, in the worse possible way. Maybe it’s what they want, to make me into a piece of shit. Even if it’s the truth this is going too far… Who hurt Otabek and why? Why did they want to think that it’s my fault? I needed answers because it doesn’t matter if I sit here alone, nothing will change. Everyone hated me here from the start. If we follow the rules, then I am doing my role just fine. If that’s the truth… then everything will stay within these walls, right? When it will be all over, I won’t see any of them again.

I waited a little bit more and then walked out of the room. I went right to the kitchen in order to eat something, but just looking at the food made me feel sick. I met Kenjirou on my way, he quickly looked at me but didn’t say anything. Yeah, run from Monster. Do I look like someone, who could kill?? Damn it… I don’t know how long will I be able to live like that… almost not eating anything and with the health going worse every day. The photo was still lying on the table in the living room. How can someone… hurt a person, then do a photo like this and calmly walk away like nothing happened. Also locking the door??? What the hell? Maybe I am not the one thinking the same… Maybe everyone here is just simply lost and afraid.

I looked through the window and saw Yurio, Victor was hugging him and saying something. It’s like pain these days was hitting me from all possible sides. But it was also my chance. I quickly used it to go upstairs and ran through corridor trying to remember from where Victor came. I was in such rush, also still with the Victor hugging Yurio view in front of my eyes, that I forgot to knock. Just opened the door. JJ was standing next to the table, looking at some sheets in his hands. His fiancee was next to the sink, washing some bloody instruments. It was more or less like ward. I saw Otabek in the bed. Seeing him slowly breathing made me calm down a bit. Okay at least this… maybe when he wakes up, he will be able to say who hurt him and then… Victor will believe me. Oh god, Is this the only thing I am capable to think of??

“How is he..?”

I silently asked because nobody said anything to me.

“Sit down, you little nutlet.”

JJ just said and I blinked. Who?

“Why…?” But I walked in. Maybe it’s the only place where I can be right now. I guess JJ was a little bit younger than me, but still, he looked like he knows what he is doing. But he had… that look with sarcasm and it seemed that he is always making fun of you.

“More doing less talking. Sit.”

He showed me the chair and I just did it.

“How is Otabek?” I asked again, looking at the man, he seemed so weak right now. Even paler than I was. And I already thought that it’s impossible.

“He will be just fine.”

  
I heard how JJ answered and something inside me cracked. At least one good thing.

“He was injured just an hour before we found him or so… so we were just in time.”

“So you don’t think that it’s my---- what’s that???” I was already getting a little bit happier, that there is a proof of my innocence when I turned at JJ and saw that he is holding a needle.

“I need your blood example. Sit calm.”

“What? No!”

I tried to jump on my feet, but his fiancee (whose name I still couldn’t remember) held me still.

“I didn’t sign for this! Nobody warned me!” I know that I had to stay in my role. But what the hell. I can’t let him do that! What will he do with my blood? What for? He will find out that I am Omega...

“Nobody cares. You can give it to me like that, or I will take it by force. Your choice.”

After JJ words I was thinking just for a second. Do I need more pain? No. I bit my lip and gave my hand.

After this, I rushed to go from here as soon as possible and in the corridor, I saw Victor and Yurio. Right. This is all I need right now. This time I saw that Victor wants to say something, but now I passed through him. Where were you just a minute ago, when I needed protection? It’s just a matter of time now… everyone will know that I am Omega.

_Sunday 9:38 p.m._

The rest of the week was no better. Otabek was still in the “hospital” if we can call it like that. He said that he doesn’t know who did it to him, but some still thought that it was me. I didn’t have a chance to talk with Otabek alone. That’s why I couldn’t be sure that he is not lying. Maybe he found out something more? At least he is safe in that room because Yurio was with him most of the time, if not Yurio then JJ or his fiancee.

I saw Victor few times, but we didn’t talk to me. I was staying in my room most of the time. I got the tired of those looks in the corridor, of silent judgment they were giving to me. Of feeling like a slut, even if I knew that this is how should it be. I didn’t complete my Goal of the week. But I didn’t care. If they want me to play by their rules, first of all, they should explain what the hell is going on. I was tired of being Nothing… no one. But if it’s my destiny.... then it's better to sit alone here... and not to feel that hatred from others. It’s okay. I am alright. At Saturday afternoon I finally got news from Phichit, it was just one message, nothing more. This is all I got from my "best friend".

_I am so sorry, Yuuri._

This is all explanation he gave to me. This way leaving me even emptier than I was. The feeling of betray is horrible. Worse of the worse. I don't I have felt any emptier in my life.

My health wasn’t getting better, even if I stopped drinking so many suppressants… since I was sitting in my room most of the time, I decided to stop. Also what point… if JJ already has results who I am. There is no point of hiding. I didn’t cough blood again, but I fainted few times and my head was dizzy. Maybe because I wasn’t eating enough… maybe because the damage was already big… I couldn’t explain. To tell this shorty, I thought that one morning I won’t wake up or I won’t be able to stand. It’s a little bit of pity… Where is my new beginning? I promised to myself... but I can't keep the promise... I don't have enough strengths.

I walked to the wall, I knew that Victor's room is just behind it. I knocked few times and then pressed my forehead against the wall.  Victor, please…

  
When somebody knocked on the door I almost jumped. Victor?? Did he come? The door opened and it was JJ. Oh god. What now. He was caring envelope and some sheet of paper.

"This is your envelope for the next week. Sara found them in the postbox."

Since I didn’t move from the wall to take the envelope, JJ just put it on the table next to him, the man was about to leave, but then changed his mind.

“How are you feeling?”

“Good.”

I answered too quickly. And he smiled. He is making fun of me.

“Your blood test results say the same. It seems that you are totally fine. I just had to make it sure. Like a doctor. Sorry for scaring you. I will leave this here if you want to check for yourself. See you.”

He left the paper next to the envelope and then walked out.

What? He was just checking my health because I don’t look so well? So I am healthy? Maybe just tired. Damn it… that’s a relief. I walked towards the table and took the sheet in my hands. I was expecting to see some tablet with numbers… like normal blood test results looks like. But there were just a few sentences.

_You are pregnant. I am sure, checked three times. Get rid of this paper as soon as you will read it. Act normal._

Normal…? NORMAL? What the hell. What. what-what what-what. What is this? I pressed the paper between my fingers and slowly sat down on the ground on the spot I was standing. I can’t. I can’t act normal! How? When? He is lying. He must be lying!! I bit my lip and pressed the paper even harder. Does it mean JJ tries to protect me from Christophe finding out the real results? I tried to smile, but my lips were so trembling that I was sure that I won’t fool anyone. Including the fact that tears were falling down my face. I would have given everything and anything right know to faint… to pass out and not wake up. But now the adrenaline was running through my veins. I can’t let this thing happen. I can’t. It must be a lie.

Or maybe they already know???

I quickly grabbed envelope. It was just a few sentences, this time with no emojis.

 

_Who is next? You have a week to give us an answer or it will be Victor._

  
Silence. The silence was burning. For one moment I thought that I became deaf. How much dirt can they fill inside me before I totally break? How?

Then I heard a knock. Like trying to break the ice… almost inaudible, but it was there. After half a week. I was knocking almost every hour… finally, Victor knocked back.

He answered to me. But I wasn’t sure that I need an answer anymore.

 

**_6 YEARS AGO_ **

 

Before I opened my eyes again, I heard voices and that made me realize that everything happened for real. It wasn’t just a nightmare. I remembered holding father’s hand. I remember how they caught me and Phichit… how I ran from the car. And then… I remember that blue flame… my body… so hot… so hot.

“God… this smell makes even me dizzy. Celestino when we will get suppressants?”

“They should come soon enough… it’s not easy to get them you know… why don’t we just get rid of him… while we still can?”

“It’s impossible. You see what he has done to Victor… I had to lock him in the room. For sake of Lord…”

“And who could have thought… damn it… those Omegas. You are saying that you will cancel the engagement?”

“What are you saying… of course not. I am still not sure what to do. I think--- VICTOR!! Damn it, Otabek, I told you to look after him!”

“I… am sorry. I couldn’t stop him. He is older.”

I opened my eyes. I already felt it when I woke up, but now I could be sure that I am tied to the bed. In this room, there were few people… My eyes found him and all others became nothing. My body. I was in physical pain, that I can’t reach him.

“Victor get out!”

Somebody shouted. My body was so hot, that I thought I won’t be able to breathe. And I wasn’t sure how I am doing that, to be honest. It’s like… they were taking my air away… I let the sound out, but it wasn’t clear. I didn’t know how to call him. Vic-tor…?

When I woke up again, my body was already calm… it’s like fever went down. I was still tied up, but I was alone or at least I thought so. It was dark in the room, almost no sound. Just some shadow few steps from me. My heart stopped for a second. I let the scream out, but the shadow was in time to cover my mouth.

“Sorry! Sorry! I didn’t want to scare you. Please… don’t shout. I won’t hurt you.”

A silent voice spoke and I blinked. It's strange. I trusted the voice… but in my life, I trusted just my dad. There was no one else in the word I could possibly trust… but this voice. This touch. It made me feel... safe.

“I know… I am looking like a creep staring at you like that. But... I just...you... just.. … you are so beautiful… amazing.”

He uncovered my lips and I took a deep breath. He was incredibly close to me. So close that I felt that smell. His scent. I don’t know what it was, but my head started spinning. Oh god... what this feeling.? He sat next to me on the bed. I was afraid even to flinch. But I wasn’t afraid of… him. I was afraid that he also might be a dream.  
The boy leaned down and I sighed from more of his sent.

“Can… can I kiss you…? Just a kiss… Promise… just one… you are so beautiful.”

I couldn’t answer and actually, I didn’t want to. I think we were thinking the same. It’s not strange at all. At that time I wasn’t sure about his name and he wasn’t about mine. But… I guess we didn’t care. He touched my lips with his like I was made from glass and then everything exploded. I understood that I won’t be able to be any happier than I was then. Nothing in the whole world won’t be able to make me feel this way. For the first time in my life, the feeling was good. I never knew that it’s possible to be in this wonderful state. I wanted to touch him and I wanted to feel more. More than this soft lips, I won't break. I will heal. More of the scent. More happiness. Victor.

“Damn it! I knew you were here! Victor!”  
Disaster came inside the room together with the light. But I saw just a blue sky looking right at me. Save me. Save me from the monster… I am about to become.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone ^^  
> Thank you for staying with me. I will be in your care this year too.  
> Lov u all <3


	7. Week 3. Mate

“Wait!”

I suddenly jumped, when crazy thought kicked right into me. I mean, I must be going crazy there is no other explanation. In this situation, I saw only one possibility. Of course, I could have made other decision. For example, finally, when Victor gave me a silent response, I could… or maybe I should have gone talk to him. But why should I?It’s the first time in my life when I thought that I can be cured.

Of course, JJ was already gone, but I knew where to look for him. I ran into his office without knocking first. There was Otabek, sitting on the bed and Yuri next to him. Also JJ’s fiancée and himself, next to the sink washing his hands. Everyone turned to me and the first time in my life this didn’t stop me from talking.

“We need to talk. You need to help me.”

I was breathing fast and irregularly, not mention the fact that tears were still falling down my face. But I swear, it was the last drop. I felt like insane. I need explanation. I need to do something about that.

“What… what are you doing in here? Get out!”

Yuri shouted first, but his voice, especially the meaning of his words didn’t reach me. The feeling of insanity inside me was so strong, that probably I would have tried kicking him. I only saw JJ's look, he understood that I didn't take the news calmly. News. God, that sounds so light. But actually, it’s a disaster. Or a lie. No other way.

“I don’t think so… the results were pretty clear to me.”

At least he ignored Yuri. But his answer wasn’t enough for me. Why suddenly I feel so strong? Like I really know, what I have to do. Maybe I am a killer after all?

“I think… there are some unclear parts for me. And… you have to help me get… rid of it.”

The sentence sounded so wrong. In all possible ways. And I said it picking my words as hard as I could. Since Otabek was awake, three people were staring at me and JJ totally lost. While doctor’s eyes got wide like he has read my mind.

“Yes. Right. Let’s talk. Maybe I should have given you a better explanation. Come here.”

He opened some door for me on the other side of the room and I just followed feeling eyes on my back. But nobody said a word. I made sure that the door was closed. We were in his bedroom I guess, but I am sure that we won’t be able to hide from cameras even here. And what if I don’t care anymore? I wiped my tears and took a deep breath. I must go until the end. He has to agree with me, no matter what. I bet there are a lot of ways to… end this.

“I don’t know what you are thinking… but there is no treatment. You just have to accept this. Believe me… even after ten weeks, because of your body structure, nobody will know… if you are worried about that. You can live with this… don’t make such---"

“I am not asking for a treatment with medicine. I am talking… about… operation. Something effective. I… can’t live with this. I don’t want to have this…. disease.”

My voice was trembling. It was hard to speak this way, but at the same time, my head was burning. I thought that I don’t have another choice. There is just no other way. I can deal with a lot of things, but this is just… too much. Finally, JJ understood what I am talking about, he opened his mouth for a second and totally lost his character. Even he didn’t care about cameras. I wonder what Christophe is thinking right now?

“Are you… insane? Do… do… you even know what are you asking? For what… kind of thing? Not mention the fact that I can’t do that kind of operation in a place like this. Look, I understand, it might look bad at this moment, but…”

“You don’t understand anything. At all. Fine, I will just deal myself somehow… there are a lot of… ways.”

While talking I felt like I will burst into tears again any second. It’s like… I was talking, but at the same time, it was not me. But don’t get me wrong. I didn’t want attention. I didn’t want him to try stopping me. Actually, it was more the opposite way. I wished to be alone, to be in total peace. JJ was still staring at me, he just couldn’t believe in my words. Neither could I. But it’s not the time… it’s not the place. And I don’t want to repeat same mistakes over and over again. If I let this happen… then the thing… the thing inside me... will end up the same. Same as me. Same as my father. I can’t let this happen. It’s like I made a decision of my own. I nodded for JJ and opened the door, walked back to his office. Yurio was gone, I saw Otabek looking at me. He is not blaming me, but I swear his eyes have changed.

“Yuuri, wait…” now doctor chased after me, but I was in time to move away before he touched me.

“Is it true what you told me?” I looked at Otabek and waited for his reaction.

“What are you talking about?” JJ was lost. He was still thinking that I am talking about the same thing.

But it’s just between me and Otabek now.

“I don’t know what you are talking about…” he answered silently, looking right into my eyes. Wait. Either he is really good at acting…either… he really doesn’t remember. Otabek’s look was so lost. And he was not the same cruel person I saw past two weeks. Unless it’s the real him. Not the character he has to play here.

“Nevermind.”

I shook my head. Right now I had a bigger problem than finding out what is happening to Otabek.

“Yuuri, where are you going?” JJ was in time to grab my hand. Why he tries to protect that… thing so much? Why he is trying to protect such monster as… me. For a second our eyes met.

“Let me go. You can’t help me, right? So just let me go. I will…”

“What? What will you?! You are so stupid… I can’t!”

“So explain to me!” I finally shouted back with full voice, I was holding it inside me for such a long time. “Explain! What the hell is going on! Why Otabek is hurt?! This should be just a movie! Everything here should be fake! Then why we are locked here as some sort of animals?! Why everything looks so real? Who the hell is Christophe and what he wants from us?? Why everyone acts so calm? Why---“

I couldn’t end my sentence because suddenly I got sick, JJ was in time to give me some plastic bag, I kneeled and started vomiting. I don’t know what, I almost didn’t eat today.

“Clam down, brat.” JJ finally got back his sarcastic tone.  
I tried to breathe. Oh god. Now everything makes sense. Why I suddenly have this déjà vu feeling? I sat down on the floor feeling how every last of my body part is trembling with fear, anxiety. I tried not to look this way in front of people. But I was covered I sweat, holding a bag of some unknown material inside and I never felt this weak before in my life. And I didn’t care who will see me like that. It’s like from the start they wanted me to feel this way, it’s like… it was their goal. I guess they succeeded. Am I acting right now like a victim? Who cares. My chest feels so heavy. I pressed my lips harder and looked up just to see cold JJ's eyes.

“Stand up.” He ordered. He wanted to give my strength back. I shook my head like a child… child. Child. Child.

I am so scared. Somebody… anybody… please. I wish I had at least one person… on my side.

_Monday, 10:18 a.m._

I woke up from the touch. Soft touch on my cheek. Like a feather, but it’s warm. I made me smile because it felt like a dream and I wanted it to last forever. The only time when somebody touched me like that was…

I opened my eyes and saw Victor sitting next to me. He was holding palm on my cheek, looking at me with those sad eyes, that I couldn’t understand. Maybe everything until now was just a bad dream and… actually, it’s just a morning… the morning of the day when… eh.

“How are you feeling? JJ gave you some medicine… because you had big anxiety attack… he told me what happened.” Victor spoke silently and while listening to his voice I looked around. It’s not my room.

“He told you what... exactly?”

I tried to ask in a calm voice, just to make sure he won’t move his hand away from my face. Actually, I wanted to hold his hand, but my body felt so heavy.

“That… you started asking random strange questions… that didn’t make sense… and got everything completely wrong…”

Victor was picking words one by one. He didn’t want to scare me. So that’s how it is. But it seems that… JJ didn’t tell anything about that thing. Oh my god. Obviously… Victor… Victor… he is the only one who I was sleeping with, so...

“Yuuri…? What? Shhh…. Don’t. Don’t cry. Please.”

I swear, I didn’t want to cry. I have cried enough. In this place, I have become such crybaby. I have been crying every day when I was alone. But here… I could start crying in front anyone. This place is such a mess. I hate it so much.

“Victor…”

I finally was able to grab his hand. I need to tell him. But of course, I couldn’t. It’s not that simple. I felt how words have stuck in my throat so it sounded just like begging. No. I can’t tell him. I will just finish everything before he finds out. Because nothing will change even if he finds out the truth. I am not the one he is wishing for. I let his fingers go. I have decided, to take all of this alone. Because if I let him know, I will just get hurt again.

“Are you hungry? I will bring something for you…”

Victor knew that I wanted to say something, but it seems that he decided to ignore this. He is too nice to me. Is it because he is sorry for me? I mean… he didn’t talk with me for half a week and now he is here like nothing happened.

“You are not mad at me anymore?”

I didn’t want to eat, so I just changed the subject. Maybe if I won’t eat… then…. Yeah, I am monster. Alright.

“Mad?” Victor sighed. I saw that he was thinking about this all the time. He was waiting for this question. “I was… but seeing you like this, I can’t pretend that I don’t care.”

So I was right. He’s just sorry for me.

“What you were doing… with Otabek that night?”

Here it is, the question, that was bothering him so much. I can’t believe, Victor. I gave you myself that night, you should have felt the same. You should have felt that we are Mates, that all of this is not fake. And you are still able to ask me this? It hurt. Almost the same as finding out that he already has a Mark with someone.

“I can’t… tell you. Sorry. But I didn’t sleep with him if you want to know.”

“Then what is it that you can’t tell me? Why did you run into my room that night, like someone was chasing after you?”

“I can’t tell you… Victor… I can’t.”

I almost whispered and closed my eyes. I knew that he might get mad again. But how can I explain, that it’s for his sake? Because if I tell Victor what Otabek told me… there is a high risk, that they will hurt Victor too. Oh god. With this thought, I remembered my goal for this week. All this time I was so full of myself that I totally forgot that people are in danger. How to make Victor stay with me all the time?

When I opened my eyes again I saw him staring at the wall with that totally empty look. Exactly like the night in the kitchen. He wasn’t touching me anymore, so I was the one who reached for him. I tried to sit somehow even if I felt so weak.

“Yuuri, lay down…” he tried to stop me, but I didn’t. I hugged Victor’s arm, this way leaning on him and pressed my face to his shoulder. I know this person just for a few weeks. Yet I saw so many sides of him and I couldn’t find out which one is real.

“Victor… I know... I am not the one you want. I know I will never replace him. But… please tell me… tell me… why are you so sad? Who hurt you so much? I… am nothing in this world. I was raised like that, I saw countless times how they rapped my father, I saw how they tortured him, he died on my hands because of them. And I know that my destiny is the same. I am no one, this what I was told. But you… why you look like you have lost everything in this world? Is it really you? Is it because that person is not with you?”

I was sure that he won’t answer me. But I didn’t want to think only about my problems anymore, especially when I am with him. While I have this chance to talk. He is not mad at me, or at least he is not showing this. I can hold him like that and it’s enough. I feel so calm that I am almost not afraid to hear the positive answer to my last question.

He sighed. I swear this sigh of his was so painful from deep inside his heart, that even I felt the pain.

“If only you knew…”

“So tell me what I need to know… you don’t have to tell me everything. Just how can I help you. How can I make you smile? You are the reason why I came here, Victor. That’s the truth. I am not hiding anything. Are you?”

Victor finally looked at me. He was surprised. He was trying to figure out something while looking at me, and I watched him openly, like never before.

“I wish so much to believe in your words,” he spoke silently and I grabbed his hand harder, my fingers were trembling and head started to spin.

Everything because of the view. Because of his eyes, with every drop of sadness inside without any lies. So this is who you are. I can’t believe that actually Victor was damaged even more than I was.

“You are so beautiful, Yuuri…”

Those words made me feel that strange déjà vu feeling again. Even I was sure that Victor never called me beautiful before. Somehow it feels nice. He touched my lower lip with his thumb and I started feeling dizzy, with the tip of my tongue I touched his thumb and finally, Victor leaned forward to kiss me. Oh, this blessing feeling. I accepted it, even if I wasn’t worth this. I grabbed on his shirt with both hands and he kissed me more and more. Not only lips but also my cheeks and chin, he licked my skin and found a sensitive spot just next to my ear, that accidentally made me moan.

“Why I need this so much?” he breathed out this question into my skin and gently bit skin of my neck, that made me flinch. It’s not the spot to make a Mark and I never made a Mark with anyone before, but at that second I grabbed on Victor so hard feeling how steam ran down my spine until the end of tiptoes.

“Victor… can’t you feel that we are Ma—“

“Don’t. Don’t tell this word.” He suddenly leaned back and I felt like he punched me. I tried to understand how he must feel.

Victor is searching for the person he loves, but at the same time, he can’t stay away from me. So I was right. Victor already knows that we are Mates. He must have understood this after the night in the kitchen. But he can’t accept it. Because this way he will be betraying the love for that person, I am right? It must be hard for him… No… I can’t even imagine what he is feeling. And I am still so selfish because I want him only for myself.

“Vict-or..”

I tried to touch his face, but he stood up. He was fighting with different feelings. And I am not the one who can help him. That’s another reason why I can’t tell him about the thing inside me. Thing. I am such cruel man. But it’s impossible to accept the existence of it because I won’t let this happen.

“I will bring you something to eat.”

_Thursday, 15:59 p.m._

I was running out of the time. I had two problems on my shoulders at the moment and still haven’t found any solution for them. First, how can I possibly choose a person who will be stabbed or hurt? I don’t want to decide that. I didn’t want to be a part of it. The tense feeling was ripping me apart, that’s why any movement around me, could make me flinch at the point, that I had to cover my mouth in order to hold back the scream. I was like a leaf, always trembling from every sound. I became so sensitive to people around me that I was trying to avoid any possible contact. Of course, Victor was an exception. The other thing, that I couldn’t leave him alone because I was afraid that they might use this chance to hurt him. As long as I didn’t try to ask about his feelings or past Victor was okay with me being next to him all the time. And I… didn’t stop taking suppressants. Even if I was… carrying something inside me, it was still too risky that I might go into heat while being next to him and I didn’t want Victor to blame himself anymore.

I accidentally started learning things about Victor. For example, that he drinks only black coffee, without milk or sugar. He loves late night snacks. He liked leaving opened window during the night and that he loves sweet potato. And he doesn’t like reading. Actually, these facts are so funny. It’s just a detail in this huge context. But… for me it was everything. It made me happy because everything that I learned about him was real. It was Victor from real life, not the one trapped here. Few times I caught myself smiling while looking how he is doing some casual thing and I was happy that I have a chance to see this. I just tried not to let myself imagine that someday we might have a perfect life together… it’s better not to dream too much.

After our talk on Monday Victor didn’t try to kiss me or show any sign that he wants me to sleep in his room, so… nights were the scariest of all. I made myself “a bed” on the ground, just next to the wall. If something happens I will hear it. I was sure about that. Sleeping like this wasn’t the most comfortable way, that’s why my back started to hurt, but it was a small price that I had to pay.

“Yuuri!”

This scream made me wake up and jump on my “bed” so fast, that my head started to spin. It was Victor. He was kneeling on the floor, next to me. He always knocks before entering my room. I am sure he also did this now. But I didn’t hear… I usually hear every sound around me.

“What are you doing on the floor..?”

I remember I wanted to take a nap because I couldn’t sleep at night and since I was already used to this “bed” I came right here. I didn’t know what to answer him, so I just rubbed my eyes. He doesn’t have to make such worried voice…maybe… oh. Just now I saw the reason. My hands were covered in blood so as sheets next to me. I blinked. What…

“Get up…” he silently said and picked me up like a baby, I didn’t resist. Maybe I didn’t fall asleep, maybe I passed out. It was a nosebleed. I could feel it. I was able to walk by myself, but I let Victor carry me to the bathroom. He helped me sit on the toilet and went to take a towel.

“Why you look so mad?” I silently asked when he came back with the wet towel and started cleaning my face.

“You dare to ask? I told you to stop taking suppressants, Yuuri.”

“Then you know what will happen, right?”

Victor didn’t answer. I knew it. Always works.

“I don’t care what happens. I can’t let you suffer.”

“But then you will suffer…” I stopped his hand for a second and made him look into my eyes.

“Why are you saying this?”

“Because… you know… I don’t want you to feel bad. I don’t want you to stay with me and then feel guilty.” After my words I let his hand go.

“So… you are thinking that I will feel guilty? Oh God no… Yuuri, I am just afraid that I will hurt you because probably I will never look at you that way you want me to look. I know that you want more. And I can’t give it to you. I wish I could….”

At least his answer was sincere. It’s all I can say. No matter what, the pain after hearing this was really hard to handle. I took the towel from his hands. I can clean myself.

“You see what I am talking about… I just can’t stop hurting you… Forgive me.”

“No… sorry, I was dumb. I should have known this from the start. I understand that you can’t betray that person. At least with your heart. So… just giving our bodies what they want, right? Nothing more? If it’s what you want… I will stop drinking suppressants.”

I let my eyes down and Victor remained silent for almost few minutes, it’s like he didn’t know what to say. Inside I was laughing and crying at the same time. So… it’s exactly like it should be, my part of playing whore here. Just body pleasure, no feelings. No future.

“You are important to me, Yuuri…”

“Important how??”

Usually, I wouldn’t ask something like that, but he always leaves me without answers, and Victor just said that there will be nothing more just pleasure, so what does he mean? Why is he saying something like that, leaving me even more confused?

“Important… like… if I could choose. I would choose you.”

“So choose me. Victor. I… I would do anything for you… to choose me.” Can I be even more pathetic then I am now? “What should I do?”

“I also have a reason why I came here…” Victor let his head down and sighed. Like he would apologize for his following words in advance. “They said… that when everything will be over… they will give him back.”

_Thursday, 11:47 p.m._

So… after saying those words Victor left me alone in the bathroom. I knew he was inside his room, but I didn’t have enough courage to knock. Or maybe I just felt too hurt. Either way, I was stuck. Finally, I know the reason why Victor is here. I am not the only one they are playing with. They promised to give Victor’s love back if he passes this test. Who? Christophe? Or there is someone behind all of this? Christophe can’t be the only one. I even thought that he can be also just a part of the game. It was confusing. But Victor was suffering. I finally understood. He liked me… He wanted to be with me. But he couldn’t. On the other side, he was willing to sacrifice himself even though he knew that after everything he will be hurt even more. All the time I was thinking what I might do to save him. To save everyone here.

And actually, the answer was so simple. All the time, it was just in front of me. Just I never thought about that before. Because I was a selfish type. I would never hurt myself even if it means that I will save someone’s else life. I saw how my father was hurt because of me all the time and that’s why I promised myself that at least, my life will be different. But. Everything changes. Who could have known?  
I was standing in the kitchen. Looking at the knife in my hand. They said that I have to choose someone or it will be Victor. So… I can choose myself, right? My hand was trembling. At the same time… the thing inside me. Something…. That I am incapable to take care of. Not in this situation I am living. Not alone, not in this pain. If I let this happen, they will take it away… No. Not this time. Not it. Not him. No one else. Just me.

 

 

_**6 YEARS AGO.** _

I felt really confused. I didn’t know what time, what day or what year it is. It seemed that I am lying here for ages. Sometimes someone would come here to feed me and help me go to the toilet. Take out. Like a dog. But it was usually dark in the room. Victor. That boy. He didn’t come again. Maybe they are not letting him. I should have felt scared, but I couldn’t feel anything because of the strange medicine they made me take. I always felt sleepy. I heard them talking few times, but I couldn’t really understand. It’s like they were searching for some solution, what to do with me.

I opened my eyes and the first time I saw everything clearly. Room. My heart started beating faster and I trembled. I usually would feel calm, but not this time. My heart started jumping in the chest and I tried to look around. It’s the same room. But it feels different. When the door opened I flinched and tried to set myself free, but I couldn’t. They are coming to give me that medicine which will make me dizzy again.

“Calm down. Don’t make so many noises. I am not here to hurt you.” There was a boy, maybe younger than me, it was hard to tell because he was tall. I have seen him… I just couldn’t remember his name. He silently closed the door and came closer, he had keys in his hands. I just blinked when he quickly set my arms free, I could have used a chance to hit him, but I couldn’t move. I wasn’t expecting for such thing. I didn’t know how to react and what he was planning to do.

“Can you stand up? Take this and let’s go.” He said, but I was still lying like a statue. The boy was impatient, he quickly grabbed my hand and I was already sitting, then he gave me some pill.

“No…”

My voice after so many days of silence was pathetic, but I didn’t want to take anything. I will be good. Just…

“Just drink it, or I will lock you back. Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad.”  
The thought of being locked up again was more frightening than the pill, so I just swallowed it without any more words. The boy walked towards the door and showed me to follow him. Easy to say, hard to do. My legs were numb, so I was walking really slow. But he was patient enough.

“Don’t worry, there is no one here.” He said when I started looking around me, scared that someone might see us. We reached stairs. So… Was I on the second floor all along?

“Otabek! What took you so long??” Right next to the stairs I saw… Victor. My heart jumped. It wasn’t that hot feeling like the first time. It was… what? Happiness? It’s hard to understand because this kind of feeling was so rare for me. Happiness.

He smiled widely after seeing me and I wanted to rush down, but Otabek was in time to catch before I fell off the stairs.

“Oh God. Don’t die here.”

“S-s-sorry…” I blushed a little bit and then slowed down my moves.  
  
Victor climbed few steps to meet me. The feeling was strange. We were not friends. Not at all. I have met him two times in my life, but I felt like meeting a person who I thought I have lost forever. I wanted to get close to him so much, but once I did that, I felt so lost. What should I do? Should I bow? Take his hand? Or…

Victor hugged me hard and I couldn’t help but smile. I remembered his smell right away, so sweet and strong. It made me feel dizzy but in a happy way. I didn’t want to let him go.

“Okay, let’s move. If you want to come back before they do.”

Otabek next to us rolled his eyes and quickly walked towards the main door. Are we going outside? Really? I shouldn’t be so naïve, but next to Victor I couldn’t feel anything else. The feeling… that I can trust him, was just too strong for me to handle.

“Put on these shoes,” Victor said, but before I leaned down he helped me and then took my hand.

“Where are we going?” I asked just after were already in the motorboat.

“I just wanted to take you outside for a while… it’s cruel to keep you locked up all the time.” Victor touched my hair and I like a 6 years old child believed him, looking with such big eyes like he would be the only hope.

When we reached port, he helped me to get out. Victor was the oldest of us, and I guess Otabek was the youngest. But nobody paid attention. It was the first time in my life… when I was in the city during the daytime. Waking so freely without any sign of fear. Victor bought me ice cream and I didn’t want him to see me crying, so I pretended that something got into my eye. I have never eaten ice cream before. But when I asked where are we going nobody said a word. I wish Phichit and Yurio could see me like that…. oh… my friends. I suddenly stopped.

“Yuuri? Is everything okay?” Victor reached me with his hand and I took it even without thinking. “Are you tired, we are almost there.”  
We got to a place with a lot of busses. A bus station. Are we going somewhere? Otabek went to buy tickets and I stayed with Victor. He was smiling so much and I couldn’t stop touching his long silver hair, but Victor… he didn’t mind.

“I wish I could stay with you forever. But you deserved a better life. I can’t let my father do this to you. I heard what they want to do with you… to sell you. To really bad people who will hurt you. Don’t be scared. I won't let that happen, Yuuri. I promise.”

While he was speaking I felt how tears start appearing from nowhere. He sounded like my father, but at the same time, he didn’t. He was something more. If only I could find words for that feeling.

“Victor, we have a problem. They founded out that you didn’t go to university today. Mila just called me. We have around one hour to go back. Here’s the ticket, I will wait for you outside.” Otabek quickly walked to us and then disappeared at the same speed. Victor took my hand and started dragging somewhere. Why he has only one ticket.

“Here. Take this wallet, there should be enough money for you to find a place to stay. Also, there are some contacts where you will be able to get suppressants. Go as far as you can and don’t look back.” He said everything so quickly, touching my face with his palm and with other giving me ticket and wallet.

No. no. no. no.

“No. NO. Come with me, Victor. Please. Come with me. Please. Please.”

I suddenly started begging and grabbed his jacket. I know that he can’t and he won’t. But the hope dies the last. If there is a chance that I can have him next to me, I don’t care how much will it take. I just lost my past life… I don’t know where is my father or my friends. I can’t lose Victor. I can’t.

“If I stay with you… you will be in danger. It’s better like that. For your sake. Don’t you understand Yuuri? You are free. Go.” Our eyes met and my lips trembled, I started sobbing without tears, but it was going right from my heart.

He kissed me. Suddenly. He just did it and everything around me exploded again. I grabbed onto him so hard, I wrapped my hands around his neck this time giving him a full response, like I couldn’t do the first time. It was just a second kiss in my life, so I don’t know if I did well. But somehow my heart was bleeding so much and I wanted to stop my life at this moment. Why is he so kind to me? Why I have the feeling that my life will become pointless if I am without him. Victor, please. Please, give me a chance. I will do anything and everything. Just don’t make me leave you. I heard them saying that I must be just 15 years old brat because my heat haven't started. But they were wrong, even if I looked like a kid, I turned 18 just few weeks ago. Even though I have never felt anything like this before. But it was real. Those feelings for Victor were real… mature. I didn’t care that he was Alpha. Yes, I perfectly knew who he was. But if it is Victor… I am okay. I am ready to sacrifice everything.

“You are going or not?” this voice came from the bus. I flinched and woke up from the perfect dream, my heart was beating in my throat, just a little bit more and it will jump out.

“Yes. Go, Yuuri.” How can Victor be so clam? I was sobbing and crying, losing someone important again. And he was just standing there, at least I thought so until I saw the heartbreaking truth in his eyes. They were empty. Lifeless.

He gently pushed me until I stepped inside the bus and then gave a ticket to the driver, I was still holding on Victor’s jacket, but he took my fingers, made let him go. And then kissed them. Leaving the last breath on my skin.

“Go. Sit.” Driver murmured something like that, together with mumbling something about couples. The door closed just in front of my face and bus started to move right away.

I was looking at Victor, not evening blinking and then I saw tears in his eyes. He was holding back all the time. So he felt the same! The same as I. The feeling, that we can’t be apart. The feeling that we can’t be separated. That’s it’s something more… something like… destiny. I am not a person who forgets easily. Phichit, Yurio, my father. They were everything I had. Yet… as soon as I saw Victor new feeling started ripping me apart. Because of the tears and distance, I couldn’t see his face anymore. The feeling… is straddling me. Who he is… who we are… destiny… someone who my father was searching for… someone from stories… legends. Someone who just doesn’t exist.  
Mate.

“STOP!!!! STOP THE BUS!!!” I screamed together with my lungs and driver stopped so suddenly that someone at the end of the bus shouted.

“What’s wrong with you, kid?? Go sit!”

“Let me out. Let me out!!!” I started hitting the door and he didn’t have a choice. Once they opened even if just a little bit. I jumped out and started running. I have never run so fast in my life. Even when were chased by police.

“Yuuri…?!” Victor was standing in the same spot and after seeing me running towards him he also started to run. The path wasn’t long. Because I knew what I was reaching. I bumped into him. It was the best feeling I have ever felt. I didn’t want to run away anymore. I didn’t care what will happen to me.

“Mate.” I breathed out, wrapping my arms around his waist at the same time taking that wonderful smell into me. “Mate… you are my mate.”

We, Omegas, can feel this right away. As for Alphas… if we believe in those stories, they can only feel this during the sex. That’s rare. Meeting your mate. Almost impossible. But I wanted Victor to know. I didn’t want to hide from him anything. And that’s the reason I couldn’t let him go. We are going together. Or I am not going anywhere. I will take all the pain, I don’t care what they will do to me. As long as I can stay by his side.

“Yuuri…” he pressed me harder in his arms.

It was enough.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gone but now I am back. Aloha ^^  
> Sorry <3


	8. Week 3. Remember

I always thought that there are two reasons why people decide to take their lives. Either they know too much, either they don’t know anything. I guess my reason would be the second one. It’s not like I was planning to kill myself. But for one second while standing here and holding knife in my hand I thought… why not. This second I was feeling lonely like never, I was betrayed and I couldn’t imagine my future after this nightmare which just started. Either way I am going to hell. Hell in this house with crazy people or hell where I will be in peace. Peace… peace sounds like an impossible dream right now. I just really wanted for a second to feel calm… I felt like I was ready for anything to reach this.

“Yuuri? I didn’t know someone will be here at this hour!”

A surprised voice reached me and I jumped in the spot, turning around and trying to hide knife at the same time. I held my gasp when I felt how I accidentally I cut my hand with the knife, but I just pressed my back to cabinet harder. It was Kenjirou. Actually, I didn’t know what to say, so I just remained silent while watching him going towards the fridge.

“You want to eat something?”

He sounded too friendly. Everyone in this place after the accident with Otabek started avoiding me, so it was strange to hear this kind of question.

“No… I already ate… I will just go back to my room.”

I replayed so quietly that I am not sure that he heard me. Slowly step by step I started moving still holding the knife. I could feel that my hand is sticky it hurt and I couldn’t tell how deep the cut was, but I also couldn’t look at my hand now.

“I am actually very good at cooki-…. Yuuri! Are you bleeding??”

“Hahaha, no it’s nothing…”

But of course, he was faster. Kenjirou was already next to me. He grabbed my hand and the bloody knife fell on the ground. Maybe because of the adrenaline rush at the moment I couldn’t feel pain, but the cut was big, or I just thought so.

“How?? Why?” he started dragging me towards the table, but my lips were trembling already. Still not from pain, just from all those emotions. Now when I think about the situation, I have never been with Kenjirou alone like this. And it doesn’t look like he hates me.

“It was an accident…” I mumbled.

“I hope so. Let me get first aid. Let’s hope the cut is not deep or we will have to go to see Jean.”

He left me standing and holding towel pressed to my palm. I didn’t care who Jean was, but I didn’t want to see anyone right now. I slowly sat down and closed my eyes.

“Hey, don’t faint!”

“I won’t… I just… don’t feel like me at the moment.”

He won’t understand. Kenjirou was Beta, I couldn’t feel any power coming out from him. He is like Phichit… Damn it, Phichit… why. Why you sent me here in the first place?

“You want me to call Victor?”

After this question, I wanted to laugh, but I couldn’t. Why he is talking about Victor now. As if I could ask for something like this after Victor ruined my last hopes… after I learned what I am caring inside. I felt how Kenjirou touched my hand, but I didn’t open my eyes to watch what he was doing. The paint and strange burning feeling in my palm were acceptable, still didn’t hurt that much as my heart. He was taking care of me even if I didn’t ask for that.

“I think you will be fine.”

He said with the same happy voice as if we were friends. I opened my eyes and then understood that he was too close. Kenjirou’s face was just an inch from mine. I held my breath and wanted to move away, but he was holding on my wrist.

“Yuuri… stay strong. Don’t take anything here too seriously. They are playing with you. I can’t look how you are suffering… I can’t tell you everything, but please… believe me.”

He was talking so quietly, holding the lips next to my cheek. From the side, it really looked like he was kissing me. Same with my heart it was going nuts. So… something was going on and I couldn’t understand what.

“Can… you help me?” this just came out from my mouth, together with tears. Honestly, I was just losing myself. I didn’t expect to hear those words from this boy. Words that first time in this place made me feel something odd, but warm. It’s like… he tried to encourage me. But at the same time, it’s like he knew something more…

I also was anxious that he might end up like Otabek, who also tried to warn me. If they start to suspect him… oh no. I can’t let this happen. I raised my hand and hugged him. The most essential part, that Kenjirou’s intentions were pure, I was able to sense that. He didn’t want to force me do anything. He just… tried to save me somehow. But I am not sure for how long I can last in all those secrets.

“Let me take you to Victor’s room… there I will be sure that you are safe.” He said and I just breathed. I didn’t even think about the fact that we left the bloody floor in the kitchen.

“If you want to eat something, just let me know anytime! I am supposed to cook for all of you, but it looks like everyone wants to starve. Believe me, my food is better than all that cereal, that you are eating.”

Kenjirou giggled when we were climbing stairs like nothing happened. I tried to smile and nod. He was so much better actor than I was. Who I am fooling… I wasn’t actor at all. I was… a porn start. If only I could remember how I became like this. Really. I felt like a child who has to be carried around with some adult. But they don’t understand that because of me… someone might end up hurt. They were right, I am the one they should be afraid of…

“Victoooor, are you sleeping?” Kenjirou knocked twice and opened the door without hearing the answer then pushed me inside. I didn’t have time to thank him or say something more when he closed the door. I absolutely heard how he ran away from here.

I shouldn’t be surprised that it was dark in the bedroom. It took some time for Kenjirou to clean my wound, so it should be around 1 a.m. I could still go back to my room, but my legs just moved on their own. I walked towards Victor’s bed, somehow I just knew where to go, even if I couldn’t see anything. I was afraid that I might see Yurio again, but the bed was empty. Maybe this time Victor went to Yurio’s room? Damn it, why I am thinking things that might hurt me even more? I sat on the bed as if it was mine and then slowly laid down, pressing my face into the pillow. Victor’s sent. It was here, so strong and it made me want to cry so much. Because I couldn’t stop my sympathies for him…. Even if I knew that I shouldn’t be feeling anything. After this game, Victor will get his love back and I will be locked down. Or not… I just need to figure out what to do with the fact that I am… preg… God. I can’t make myself think about this. I just couldn’t follow. But somehow with this scent around me…. I feel calmer, as long as I can feel it… I will be alright. As long as he won’t push me away again.

“Here you are… Yuuri.” I heard this voice and it made me smile in the dream. What a realistic sound. I don’t want to wake up. It’s like someone tried to lift me so I tried to say no because if I wake up, this sweet voice will disappear.

"Shhh…. It’s okay.” This quiet call was just in my dream like a lullaby made me feel so relaxed. It was warm…. and the aroma around me was wonderful, I tried to be closer to the source of this wonderful taste.

“Yuuri…” I sighed from pleasure, I could listen to this all day. “Yuuri… please… give me strengths… please…” He was begging, but the sound seemed a little bit further, even if the warm feeling was still here.

“Please…”

Victor…

Remember…

?

Who?

_Friday 07:02 a.m._

Hm…. It’s warm, almost hot. Someone was holding me. To be honest, I didn’t want to open my eyes, even in my heart I already knew who this person is. Only in these arms, I can feel like this. Who could have thought that all fairytales about mates are true? I just can’t be separated from Victor for too long. My body and my soul needs to be close to this man. I must have fallen asleep while waiting for him yesterday because I couldn’t remember anything else. But the fact that Victor didn’t wake me up and told to get out, made me happy.

“You are awake?” his voice made my dumb smile go away. I looked at Victor’s eyes, trying to guess what he is thinking at the moment. His eyes…. They weren’t sad… more likely tired. Like he spent all night without sleep. Could it be that he came back not long ago from somewhere?

“You look tired…” I said quietly, I didn’t want to ruin the moment, but… I couldn’t keep silent either.

“It would be a total waste to sleep when I can keep you in my arms like this.”

What. His words didn’t match with those he said yesterday to me. When he regretted that he can’t love me in the way I want and now... now he is saying that he didn’t sleep because he was holding me in his arms? Because he cherishes this moment? I don’t understand…

“But…”

“No… don’t say anything… I know that it’s not fair. But I just don’t know what to do. I can’t keep myself away from you. Even if I have to.”

“What do you mean? Why you have to? I told you… I don’t want to be away from you, Victor…”

“I want to protect you so much… I want you to feel safe… What is this? What you have done to your hand?... Why, Yuuri? Why?”

He took my arm and kissed the bandage, then pressed it to his face. At the same moment, the disturbing pain went away. Victor’s touches were magical, but some parts of him were so confusing, that it made my head spin. On the other side, it’s impossible not to feel dizzy next to him.

“It… was… it was just an accide—"

“Don’t lie to me...”

How does he know? Victor looked so exhausted. Maybe even worse than I. With fingertips I rubbed his cheek. Even if our talk was painful, I couldn’t stop myself from feeling happy that we are here… together and close like never.

“I just… don’t know what to think anymore. I don’t know what to do… I am scared. I am scared of myself, of all those things around us… but most of all I am scared of the end of this week. Victor… I really don’t know what to do. I want to get out of here… I want to get out.”

I couldn’t hold those words anymore. I didn’t want to pretend… most of all I wanted him to understand that I don’t look at this thing as some sort of show. It’s real life… the part in which I didn’t want to exist anymore. I couldn’t force Victor to be with me… he had someone more important to fight for.

“Let… me protect you… I can’t fight with this feeling anymore….” He whispered into my ear and moved so close that I was able to feel his strong and fast heartbeat even through my shirt.

“What are you saying…? Victor?”

I must be dreaming… it must be an illusion.

“I am saying… that I don’t care anymore. I don’t care what will happen. I just need to be with you…. I can’t stop thinking about you. I am tired… I can’t fight with this, even if I don’t know what will happen… I just…”

He sighed into my ear and chills ran down my spine.

“But… yesterday you… you said that you can’t choose me…”

My voice trembled, but hands worked on their own, I grabbed Victor’s shirt and I didn’t want to let them go. To let him go. It sounds like hope and I was still stupid enough to believe with all I have. Can this be true? Did he change his mind? Because of me?

“Victor… please… don’t hurt me… I need the truth. At least once in my life.”  
I spoke again when he didn’t answer properly. I don’t know what was killing me more, the fear that Victor might change his mind again or that the truth might hurt even more. With the tumb of my hurt hand I touched Victor’s chin, he was still giving me that look made from glass. Shall I give him space… shall I move? I am so selfish… if Victor knew what I am keeping from him…. He wouldn’t hold me like in his arms.

“I am a coward…” Victor whispered with a grief in his voice. “But I am also too weak to keep this just to myself. That night… when I forced you to have sex… with…”

“You didn’t force me, alright? That wasn’t your fault… we couldn’t control this…”

I interrupted him because I could feel that with every word Victor’s voice gets more and more painful. He feels guilty, that’s why I can't tell him what happened because of that night, I don’t want to hurt him even more, especially when there is a possibility that he can let me be closer to him. Victor was like nicotine. I can’t deny this.

“That night… I don’t know if you remember… but I was drinking…” he continued talking like I haven’t said anything. “I thought that I can hide what I feel… but I couldn’t. To tell the truth…. The moment when I saw you… I couldn’t stop thinking… I tried to act cool in front of you but I am so lame, Yuuri… actually I am not strong enough… Everything inside me tells that I know you… it feels like I know you for so long and at the same time I don’t know you at all. And that night… I hated myself so much, because despite of the reason why I am here, all I really can think about right now is you. Just you.”

“Is… is it so bad? Are you feeling like betraying that person…?” I tried to ignore tears in my eyes and trembling voice, how can I feel calm when it hurts for Victor to love me.

“I don’t even remember him… I just have a memory or more like the idea of him and I know that the reason I am alive is him. But with each day here with you… I think that the person might be you….”

“But… that’s impossible…! How…?”

“I know… I know… it’s just… I am so lost, I don’t understand what’s going on. When I am with you I feel like a different person, like there is another me… me that I ignored for long ago. Is this even makes sense?”

“But you told me… that they will give you back… that person, after this ends?”

“Not…. Not that person… they will give me the only memory I have of him.”

“Wait, what…. do you mean?”

“Yuuri…. Yuuri…. Please… Yuuri… help me.”

Suddenly Victor pressed me so strong that for a second I forgot how to breathe. I wanted to know the answers but Victor’s pain and tears made me shut up. I also hugged him and then we were both crying, taking each other aches. To be honest, I couldn’t believe I was holding Alpha like that in my arms and feeling so good about it. Even between us, there were too many unsaid secrets. Dad… what is going on, what you would think seeing me so happy in someone’s arms who made you feel so much pain, the one who killed you?

“Victor… by the end of this week… I have to choose someone who will get hurt. Or… it will be you.”

I wasn’t sure what will happen to us after today, but this was one of the matters that I couldn’t hide anymore. Especially now, when Victor is so close to becoming mine. First time in my life I started feeling like I found someone who can understand me. It’s like we were sharing the same pain, even if the reasons were different.

“What…” he wanted to push me away, but I didn’t let him go, as long as I am whispering into his ear, Christophe can’t find out what we are talking about.

“They hurt Otabek… because he tried to warn me about this place… and now he doesn’t even remember that he was talking to me. Victor… something bad is going on here. And I am so afraid. I don’t know… what to do. I don’t want anyone to be hurt… but if something happens to you because of me. I will not forgive myself…. Victor what to do…. Whenever I think about this I feel sick.”

We were lying in silence. I guess Victor was trying to understand everything I said.

“It’s okay… don’t worry, Yuuri.”

He finally rubbed my back. Okay? What’s okay about that?? But maybe these words are the only answer he was able to give me right now. So after few seconds, I nodded. I can only trust him. Anyway, how will they hurt him if I won’t leave Victor’s side even for a second? Because that’s what I decided to do.

It was alright to be like that. Now I can be sure that he is safe. As long as I hold him like that, he will be safe. I will be alright.

“Victor?”

I silently called him after some time, but he didn’t reply. Now he was holding me differently, still tight but at the same time pressing to his side a little bit lighter. Victor fell asleep. I wonder what he was doing all night… and when did he came back? I just remember falling asleep on his bed while he was still not here. I moved a little bit away to see his face. It’s like that time in the hotel when I watched him sleeping, just this time I am not running away. I will stay until the time when Victor won’t need me anymore, I decided. After I found the person I want to hold on, I can’t let myself to let him go unless he tells me to do so.

Damn it, I want to kiss him so much. Just a small one, just on his cheek. I thought so until my lips touched Victor’s skin, then I couldn’t stop myself. I kissed his cheek and then chin, searching a way to the lips. They were soft, as I expected.

At first I couldn’t understand what it was, but then the feeling became stronger. It was some kind of hot pressure, that made me feel hot and took my breath away. It was the energy that I was always afraid of… the only feeling I had to avoid if I wanted to stay under my Mask. I opened my eyes, still holding my lips on Victor’s, he was looking at me. With that strong glaze of his, consuming me in all possible ways. Alpha. They also can spread pheromones, but not like Omegas… they are able to control them. With this, they can make you fall on your knees and beg to satisfy you, with only one look they can make you feel worthless or on the other side desirable. It doesn’t matter who you are Omega or Beta…. With their power you are nothing in front of Alpha. They also had rankings, and Victor… Victor was one of those on Top who could easy make you want to become his slave. That’s how they were controlling my father to do all horrible things… that’s how they control all worthless beings. The worst feeling you can possibly get… no matter what you are not able to resist. But at the same time...

Then why… why I feel so happy that Victor used this on me? Does this mean he truly wants me? Or it’s just because of this smell I feel like drugged? I loudly breathed out air and pressed my body harder to Victor. Is that what he wanted?

“Yuuri…”

Victor moaned into my mouth and rolled on me… Wow… this feeling is amazing, I feel like there is nothing more important in this world. It feels like the only thing I must do in this life… is have Victor in my arms… all over me. I want to be controlled by him… but...

“So… that’s how he felt…”

I smiled feeling how burning tear runs down my cheek. It’s sick… this feeling… my insides were twitching, I wanted Victor to touch me, to make a mess of me even if I was not in heat. I wonder on who else he used this?

“Who…?” Even his voice got deeper.

“My father… he was raped and beaten by Alphas for years… I always wondered why we don’t run away, why he doesn’t resist. But… maybe he just couldn’t.” If not Victor’s pheromones probably I wouldn’t have said this. It’s just I had to answer the truth… This energy of his made all fear disappear, I felt calm… There was no need to think at all.

Suddenly everything disappeared, just a second ago Victor was in every cell of mine and now I was alone. Honestly, I never felt so cold before. It hurt so much that I wanted to cry from sadness, it felt like Victor left, even if he was still lying on me like before. It’s so stupid… the fact that actually, I want to be controlled by him, that I can’t run away from the thing I am. I can’t change.

“Do you hate… Alphas?” he asked after few seconds and touched my face with fingertips.

That’s trippy question. Because from the bottom of my heart… I was afraid of them, of those things that they might do. I could call this hatred, for everything they have done to my father, they made him suffer so much until his last breath, even his death wasn’t calm. But I didn’t want to take a revenge on them… I just wanted to stay away for as long as possible, just to have a normal life… even if in my heart I knew that sooner or later they will find me and I won’t be able to run anymore. I do hate them. And I am afraid. I don’t want to accept the world that I am living in.

“I... don’t hate you.” My body shivered in his arms like a leaf. I guess that’s the best answer I could have given to him.

“That’s enough for me.” I wasn’t prepared for Victor’s smile. I haven’t seen it in a while or maybe I have never seen it in my life. The real smile, not the one he was showing to the world. I couldn’t help just smile myself. Why again I have this strange déjà vu feeling?

Victor leaned a little bit forward and kissed my chin, the sweet little kiss made me remember what I was feeling just a few minutes ago, the tension between legs.

“More…” I silently pleaded and he left a kiss on my cheek. “More…” Victor kissed the spot next to my lips. “Kiss… me.”

“I am…”

“My lips… Victor. Kiss my lips.” I slowly wrapped my arms around his neck and touched back of his head. Victor’s hair was so soft and I felt like they were made just for my fingers. When I think of it… it was the first time for us like this.

“But then I won’t be able to stop.”

“Then don’t, Victor… don’t stop.” I softly pressed his head and our lips met. I wasn’t in heat and he didn’t make me do this. My responses were pure, I was sure of it. When I was alone, I thought that I can manage to live without Victor, to forget him, but as soon as he gets close everything else is gone, he becomes my air. And I don’t care that this air might be toxic or even kill me. As long I can breathe it was enough.

Then again I felt that hard pressure and strong sweet smell, he didn’t control his pheromones, Victor just couldn’t stop them. All this strong energy went inside through me and I felt how my body gets numb, I was drowning in the ecstasy. My hands grabbed harder on the drug and I kissed him with all I had, with every last drop. I tried to concentrate into this, I wanted to remember so badly before my nature took over me. I didn’t even feel the moment when my body in Victor’s arms became naked, just a blurry memory of him leaving hot marks on my body.

I grabbed on Victor’s naked skin. His back was strong, but I could feel how he is trembling a little bit. Thought… I couldn’t be sure, maybe it was me who was shivering, I couldn’t think clearly, I wanted him to touch every last drop of my skin and I am sure I begged for this. It’s impossible to explain what was going on, my mind refused to work. The world was spinning around and soon I didn’t even have strengths to keep holding on him. It was so hot, inside and outside. I felt so dizzy, the air around became so heavy and my lungs started to hurt.

“Vic…tor…” I choked on my saliva. That just insane, this feeling inside me and it doesn’t stop, it gets stronger and stronger and if I can't do anything I will lose my mind.

He didn’t answer, just stopped for a second or at least I thought so because finally, I was able to open my eyes even if the view was really unclear because of the tears. They were still falling on my cheeks and running down into the mouth, hot drops of pearls. They weren’t mine. They were Victor’s.

“Why… why are you crying…?” I wanted to ask, but I heard only strange mumbling coming out from my mouth.

Instead of a respond Victor pressed his forehead to my shoulder and wrapped his hands around my body, it was already hard to breathe before, but now I felt like we suddenly became one. I knew what will happen, my body begged for this, my mind wasn’t working, my heart was bleeding because of Victor’s tears. He entered me, making my existence complete to the fullest and I moaned out his name again and then again, my hips just moved on their own.

“Ple---…”

Suddenly my begging was interrupted by a scream because of the pain in the neck. I didn’t expect this, but the sensation was so strong that it made me grab on Victor with my arms and legs at the same time. My body trembled in his arms and the wave of insane pleasure just ran down my body to the deepest parts of it. I just remembered that I cried out loud once again and then everything turned black.

_Friday 2:20 p.m._

I blinked few times, I swear my body was like a vegetable. I tried to move my hands, but after few seconds I gave up.

“Yuuri… are you awake…?” a silent voice somewhere next to me asked, but I wished it would be closer, it was too hard for me to reach.

This sound…. Suddenly I opened my eyes and sat on the bed, touching my neck. It hurt really badly, even my throat inside hurt because of this pain. The slumber was gone, now the rush of adrenaline ran down my spine.

“Did… did we made a Mark???” I looked at Victor. He was fully dressed, sitting on the edge of the bed, I couldn’t clearly read what he was thinking.

“No… you… weren’t in heat and this is not the spot where the Mark is made...” He answered silently that way it seemed that Victor moved from me even further.

“Oh…” This sound should have sounded like a relief, but on the other side, something squeezed my heart making me feel so miserable… I can’t understand myself at all.

“I brought you lunch…”

I just a second ago I thought I smelled food and now I saw it on the plate in Victor’s hands. But I couldn’t think about the food, because I felt like I might throw up any second. How should I say it… I let go of my neck and looked at my trembling hand, Victor must have changed the bandage. Damn it, I am really broken, I had defects in almost all possible parts of my body.

“Victor… about what happened…” I looked at him again.

“I am sorry… I should have protected you… I should have done something to stop…I…”

“I wanted to say...” I interrupted him before he said anything that might destroy this little hope that started to grow inside me. “It… it felt good. Just right now, I am not in really good shape… but if you give me chance I will try to fix this, I promise.”

“Stop…” he put aside the plate and finally came closer, I could feel how it becomes warmer, I wanted to wrap my hands around him and drown myself into that feeling, but instead of that Victor took my face in his palms and our eyes met. “There is nothing to fix… I was the one who hurt you and then pushed you away… so I should be asking for a chance. Yuuri, If it’s the truth… if you accept me, I can be better. I will never hurt you again…”

“But… I am… Omega… you should be the one accepting me…” I blinked few times, can this be the truth? Does alpha lower his head in front of someone like me?

“Yuuri… stop thinking about that. I know that you have only bad experience of someone like me… but… actually… I know…. Damn… Yuuri we are Mates. I knew that…. I was just a coward and I didn’t want to accept this. I was afraid… but now I am sure. I don’t want to let you go.”

While he was talking I felt how tears make a mess of my vision. Maybe it was because of the fact that I became more sensitive, but the other thing, more important was the meaning of Victor’s words. It must be just my imagination. When I tried to say that, Victor didn’t listen to me and now… he is saying himself. Admitting. He is letting me inside his life, where I don’t belong. I am his mate… he knows that.

“Yuuri… I want to know more about you,” he whispered and I started crying even more. Maybe I won’t be wrong, saying that it was the first time in my life when I cried from happiness, my heart was bouncing.

“Me… too… me too, Victor!” Damn it, I was super naïve, but I just couldn’t help myself and believe him because only with this man I started feeling something I was never familiar before. Just like I dreamed, I hugged Victor around his neck and he also pressed my body until there was no space left between us.

Finally.

_Sunday 4:00 p.m._

My life changed here drastically, I didn’t feel like hiding in my room anymore or sleeping next to the wall just to hear if Victor is in his room because now we were sleeping together. We were always together and I didn’t need him to ask holding my hand, because Victor loved doing that, also kissing my fingers and forehead. He didn’t care that everyone who saw us was staring, it’s like he couldn’t see them and I was trying to move my eyes away as quickly as I could. We were walking outside a lot and I wasn’t sure if I was melting from the sun or from Victor’s whispers “My Yuuri”. I smiled like an idiot from his words even if inside I was still trembling with fear. The week was coming to the end and I still didn’t make any move. We didn’t talk about this even once so I just hoped for a magical solution. So naïve.

Victor also made me start caring of myself and even if I was eating in front of him, I still couldn’t get rid of nausea, especially in the mornings but for these few days, I succeeded in hiding this. Even if we both wanted to know each other there was too much to know, so we started the talks with small conversations, maybe not really important but they still made me happy.

“I am going to the room for a second.” Victor kissed my forehead and stood up from the table, we were eating late lunch because we just made ourselves to wake up an hour ago. I nodded with a smile and when he left I pushed away my food. Damn it. I don’t want to eat at all.

“So… what he said?” this voice made me flinch. It was JJ. Every time I see him, it reminded me of the most important thing I wasn’t able to tell Victor until now. I was just afraid that I might ruin this fragile love we have between us.

“What are you talking about?” I pretended that I am really interested in the glass of water in front of me. JJ sat next to me at the kitchen table. Damn it, did I invite him here?

“You know what… so you didn’t. Sooner or later he will start noticing this. What then?” he grabbed an apple and smiled, That was a sarcastic smile, it’s like he was making fun of me.

“That’s… none of your business, okay? You didn’t help me when I asked so…”

“Help? You asked me to get rid of a child, where is…”

“Shut up!” I grabbed the glass with a water and splashed it into his face. At the same time, Sara passed through as. That was so close, I even thought that my heart is going to jump from the chest.

“Woooow!” she laughed. “Yuuri I didn’t know you are so aggressive.” This view, especially the JJ’s face was so funny for her that Sara didn’t even ask for the reason why.

I quickly stood up and passed through Mila and Emil on my way, but I just nodded they also started laughing after they saw JJ. Dumbass. I can’t let him tell Victor, but same goes here. I didn’t know how to tell him. He will start blaming himself again. I was sure that he won’t be happy… I mean… even I wasn’t.

“Yuuri!” he was standing on the top of the stairs and I starting running towards him, jumping through two stairs at the same time. “What is it?”

“Nothing. I just suddenly felt lonely.” I reached him and hugged hard. Victor was caring a sweater, now I understood why he went to the room, he thought that I might be cold just with my t-shirt. Damn it, did I really deserve this?

“Oh… my you are so cute. Want to go for a walk?” Victor smiled and kissed my forehead. I nodded. Anywhere, just not here.

“Victor!! How dare you?” We both turned around when I saw Yurio coming towards us. His eyes were full of some unknown feeling, but at the same time while looking at them I felt like I should be aware of this. I didn’t have strengths yet to ask what was going on between Yurio and Victor, but now it seems…. That I will find out.

“Yurio… shouldn’t you be worrying about Otabek?”

“That’s not your business what should I worry about! But I can’t let this last! It just went too far!” He came so close to us that I stepped a little bit back, but Victor was like a wall protecting me.

“Yurio please….”

“Please?? Please?? Everything that I have done until now was because you asked me. I thought that you want to stop yourself from making the same mistakes again! Yet… you here… again. Pathetic.”

“Victor, what he is talking about?”

“Don’t listen to him, Yuuri… I can explain…”

“So you don’t want to get back your son, right, Nikiforov?” Yurio asked silently, but it was like a scream in the silence, it reached my heart and went through it. Son…?

Victor should have laughed, he should have said that it’s a lie, but… he didn’t. He was just staring at Yurio with a broken heart face, he grabbed on stair railings. And I begged it my mind that it would be a joke.

Suddenly everything got back into their places like a puzzle. They promised to give someone for Victor back after all these weeks. Someone important, but it’s not the love of his life, it was just a memory of it… his… child. They had a child with his Mate. The child they took away from Victor… and if he does how they want he will get him back. Why… why Yurio knows about this? Is this the reason why Victor tried to stay away from me?

“I am going…” I sighed. Suddenly my head started to hurt because of all those thoughts I just need some time, to put everything on their shelves.

“Yuuri, wait… let’s talk.” Victor finally looked at me, when I was few steps in front already. I could just run away and said no. But… I didn’t want misunderstandings in my life anymore. I didn’t want to be hurt and I didn’t want to hurt myself even more. If he has to say something, I wanted him to do it.

“I am… pregnant.” That was my answer, but it was quiet and I think the only Victor heard that because his eyes got big and he didn’t saw that Kenjirou is coming towards us, really fast with the tears in his eyes, he pushed Yurio away before he said anything and looked at me.

“You had time to choose… Why…”

At that second only I understood the real meaning of those words that’s why I was in time, even if Kenjirou got to Victor first, but when he pushed him, I was already near. I ran quickly and didn’t have a chance to hold on something, I just pressed my palms to Victor’s back and pushed him away at the same time I got the feeling that I am the one who is falling of the stairs. I don’t know what I felt first, pain in my head or burning feeling inside me. Is it pain even real anymore? But at that moment I was sure that the scream I heard from Victor’s mouth wasn’t the first in my life. I heard it somewhere before. Exactly the same.

Remember?

Why?

Who?

When?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be about the events that happened 6 years ago. Finally, you will get some answers. ^~^


	9. Conditions&Regrets Part1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe the end of the chapter can be a little bit too much. But that's how the story goes. You don't have to read it.  
> And I still gonna love you!!
> 
> Thank you so much for your patience! I am really trying to write when I have time!! I would never abandon my work without any warning!
> 
> Next chapter will be the second part of these events. See you xx

**6 years ago**

 

My legs were shaking, I felt like I could fall down any second and if not Victor who was holding me to his side there was a high possibility that I would be already on the ground. From the second I ran out off the bus into Victor’s arms, there was no going back. I knew I will have to face everything. Just a moment ago I had a chance to be free or at least Victor told me so, but even now, when we were waiting for Victor’s father in some sort of office I could only think that my freedom is next to him. I was almost sure that I won’t be able to say a word, but I still repeated in my head the same phrase <<I want to be with Victor>> over and over again as this could help me somehow as if they will ever listen to someone like me.

“Are you cold?”

Victor silently asked. This was his first words to me after we left the bus station. They were waiting for us outside. Two men I have never seen before, Victor called them somehow but I forgot names right away. I just followed along in silence, since Victor was holding my hand nothing else matter. Otabek was gone somewhere, but I was too scared to ask where he is. The office where we went was just next to the station or maybe it was just the closest building and they just wanted to be sure that we won’t run away.

“No… just… a little bit afraid.”

I couldn’t lie to him, so I just said the truth. Well… almost. Because actually, I was not just afraid, I was scared from the deep of my core. Scared that somehow we might bet separated. This time for sure.

“Victor.”

He didn’t have a chance to answer when his father came into the room as fast as a tornado, for one second I thought that he will grab Victor’s shirt, but he froze just next to us.

“Honestly, are you out of your mind? What are you doing? Why are you doing this? And someone, take this thing away!”

This thing. Of course, he was talking about me. At the same second, I grabbed on Victor’s jacket harder and I could feel that Victor did the same.

“Yuuri is staying here. With me.”

Victor’s voice and glare were strong. I could never act like that. I was like a scared rabbit in the corner.

“Give me at least one reason why should I listen to you.”

Even if Victor’s father’s voice this time was silent, but I was sure that it won’t last for long.

“Because we are mates.”

I and he gasped at the same time after Victor’s words. For different reasons, of course. I was surprised that Victor said this so easily without any efforts like that would be so clear for a long time already. Is Victor serious or he just tries to protect me? I was speechless so was and his father.

“Do… don’t… tell me... you… did?”

First time in my life I saw someone is such great shock, he forced out every word, but I couldn’t understand what he had in mind? Did what…?

“Yuuri just knows.” Victor’s voice was still strong, he really believes me.

“Obviously he lied! How dumb can you be, Victor? Really clever, he knows that Alphas can only sense this after they have sex so he tries to manipulate you.”

Oh, so that’s what he had in mind. Sex. I don’t know why even in this kind of situation just thinking about the possibility of me and Victor having sex made me feel the heat inside. I am just imagining or Victor felt that? I was sure that at this second he pressed me a little bit stronger to himself.

“Right? So how you will explain that he went to the heat just after seeing me?”

“He is an Omega! He is like an animal! Of course, after seeing strong and young Alpha he will go into the heat! Victor why you don’t understand that he is manipulating you just to save himself!”

“Is it so wrong that he wants to save himself? He is also a hum…”

“Just listen to yourself! Obviously, his pheromones have totally brainwashed you, Victor. Meeting your real Mate is almost impossible, what kind of chance that this random kid would be your mate! Damn it… don’t make me regret that I bought him or I can easily make this situation even worse.”

After defending me so much, I thought that Victor will go until the end. But maybe I was already hoping for too much. He didn’t say anything else. In my heart, I was afraid that Victor believed in his father’s words. I had to regret that I decided to get off that bus, but I didn’t… I just thought that somehow everything will be alright until Victor will be by my side it will be alright. Even if it will be just a silent support, I didn’t care. But I couldn’t even imagine that I will be the one who pushes Victor away… how could I?

Three days have passed since then. I was mostly sitting in my room, taking suppressants like a good kid. They didn’t lock me to the bed, actually, they didn’t even tell me not to leave the room, but I was afraid because Victor didn’t come to see me. Maybe it’s his father who told him to stay away, maybe it’s Victor himself who tried to protect me this way, I decided not to think too much. But there was something more… now when the time was passing really slow I started thinking about Yurio, Phichit, Seung-Gil and my father who I left behind. I didn’t have any idea what happened to them and I couldn’t ask anyone, I already started thinking that I will never see them again in my life. So on the third day, when the door opened and I saw Phichit entering my room I thought that I started hallucinating things.

“Yuuri!” he came quickly towards me and strongly hugged, just after feeling the crushing pain I understood that it’s not a dream anymore.

“Phi…chit…”

The view was gone. My eyes were full of tears and I felt how something sharp crushed my heart. I was dead and now I was alive again, it felt like I haven’t seen him for a thousand years. Maybe it was a dream, I almost thought that I died and went to heaven and if it’s the truth then my father should be also here.

“Ho…w?..” I somehow asked after some time.

“Victor found me and told me to come here, he really saved my ass you know! Seung-Gil’s too…” Phichit smiled and just now I understood that he looks different. Better maybe? I couldn’t really tell how.

“And how about Yurio? My dad? Are they alright?”

“Yurio… well… Otabek is with him right now… what they did to him is terrible… but he will be alright, Otabek looks like a nice guy you know… I am sure he will be fine. Somehow.”

Of course, I wanted to ask what happened, but from the other side, I was not sure that I will be capable of taking that sort of information. Also, he didn’t say anything about my father.

“So Victor and Otabek found you...? How?”

“Hahaha, long story… maybe next time, the most important thing that you are alright, I am so glad! I was so afraid that they might do something to you. But you look okay. I am glad… Yuuri. Really I am. I have to go now before Victor’s father returns, but I promise we will see each other soon, okay?” he gave me a smirk and after that quickly left.

Even I wasn’t so naïve. I knew that something happened. Something really bad. Something that he is hiding even if I couldn’t understand why. I wasn’t so weak even if now I am a little bit lost. But the most important fact that Phichit has never hidden me from me anything. Ever. At that moment I finally understood that everyone here thinks I am a fool, useless Omega and that’s when I decided that everything has to change. I thought that I will start making my life better and I won’t let anyone treat me like a trash. And again… I should have known my place.

That evening finally Victor showed up. I was still in the stage where I tried to protect myself, so even when I saw that it’s him, I didn’t move. He was coming closer and closer until my back bumped into the wall and I didn’t have anywhere to go.

“Did I hurt you?”

His sad voice made my body shiver.

“No… you surprised me… you helped my friends, right? Thank you for that.”

“Yes… listen, Yuuri… I want to fight for you. But without a proof I am… helpless.” He was talking fast like making some sort of deal, maybe he was in a rush because Victor’s father could be around any second.

“What… do you mean? How can we prove it?” I talked about us because at this second I couldn’t wish for anything more than feeling safe. If I can be around Victor… he can help me. Am I being selfish? Maybe… but what I could do. He was the only one I can trust. And if he saved my friends that means he is ready to do everything.

“When… they gonna bring you food next time… don’t take suppressants. Just pretend that you are doing it…” he said it slowly thinking about every word.

“But then… my heat will start… I can’t control it…”

“Indeed… Yuuri, you want to… make a Mark with me? It’s the only way I can protect you.”

“What…what??? You are ready to go so far for me, Victor??? Making a Mark with me? You know what it means, right? Are you serious? You are not doing this because….”

“I am doing this because I want you to become my real Mate. If we do that… then, nobody, even my father won’t be able to separate us. Because we will be Mates… real Mates. Yuuri, I don’t want them to hurt you… if you accept me… to be your first and the last one, then…”

“I want to stay with you I already told you, Victor. No matter what.” I tried to smile, but my lips were shivering like never before.

“Damn it, I want to kiss you so much… but I am afraid if I do so I won’t be able to stop. So… just a little bit more, Yuuri. I am doing everything to save you, alright?”

My hope was Victor. My future was Victor. Actually first time in my life it was something I decided myself. No matter what, not to let go.

  
When I got my dinner, the butler who brought me it was waiting until I took suppressants first, as always. He wanted to make sure that I will swallow them like I good boy and when I showed him my empty mouth, the men left without any word. All these days I was really obedient so he didn’t even think that I might hide it under my tongue. I split that thing out as soon as he closed the door. I wasn’t hungry at all, actually, I was so nervous that even if my stomach was empty I was feeling sick. Will we become with Victor mates today? I wonder what feeling will I get… Dad…. Can this be the truth? That I will have a happy ending? But what if my heat won’t start… what if something goes wrong….

It was already dark when someone opened my door. I was a little bit disappointed when I saw Otabek and not Victor, but at the same time, I remembered something.

“Otabek… Yurio… tell me he is okay, please.”

He didn’t say a word, just showed to follow him, with his head. Did I have any other option? He was Victor’s friend, the only place where he might take me must be where Victor is waiting for me.

So I followed. We turned to left, where I didn’t try going myself. Are we going to Victor’s room? I wanted to ask, I had a lot of questions, like always, but I was thought to keep my mouth shut. No one cares what I think anyway. When Otabek opened the room and let me in, I already waited for a wave of heat, but instead of that, some cold feeling ran down my spine. Victor wasn’t here, instead of him here was Yurio, lying in the bed, whole pale, looking at the ceiling whit those dead eyes I have never seen before.

“Yurio…” my voice trembled, this view squeezed my heart. He was a few years younger than me, yet he was always was so strong. So much stronger. Ready to fight for a better life, even if he was an Omega like me. But this boy, lying on the bed. I couldn’t recognize him, I have never seen him with such an empty face. I was in such great shock, that I couldn’t force myself to ask what happened. The only thing in my head was… that Phichit looked normal to me, so why… Why he didn’t protect Yurio, why he let something horrible happen to him.

I stepped closer to him and bit my lower lip. There was no life coming from him.

“Is there any way to help him…?” I silently finally asked, knowing that Otabek is right behind me.

“I don’t know… I wish I could help him… Until now I just took care of his wounds.”

“Why?... he is Omega… why are you helping us in the first place?” I looked at the man behind me. Is not like I had other option, I had to trust him… but still, the real reason was still unclear for me. Until the last moment, I couldn’t understand why.

“Why you ask… why does Victor like you? Why do you like Victor? Do you know answers?”

“Because…he is Alpha and I am Omega, this can’t be helped. But you are Beta… so…”

“You think this is the only reason why?” It was a disturbing question, so I just blinked a few times. How should I know? I can’t explain my feelings properly. I just know that I have to be with Victor, it’s like whenever I tried to think that I might live without… my future seemed too dark to see. Suddenly Otabek smiled or at least smirked, just for a second. I was older, but he seemed to understand so much more.

“Then… take good care of him…” I only finished this sentence when the door opened and I saw Phichit. Wait. I thought that he left this place, wasn’t he afraid to meet Victor’s father? For a second I saw the same confused reaction on Phichit's face. He didn't expect to see me here.

“Yuuri! I came to check on Yurio, I didn’t expect you to be here…I thought that you will be with Victor…. Hahaha.”

What’s with this fake laugh? I knew Phichit all my life, I have never heard him laughing like that, he never had secrets from me.

“I was just going to see him… so…”

Not mention the fact that I didn’t have any idea where to search, but somehow I felt like I have to get out from here. Or more… I had to find out what is going on. I wanted to move when I felt that something is not letting me do so. Yurio was holding on my shirt. His eyes were pointed at me. This empty yet serious look was more than I need. Whatever happened to him has to be related with Phichit. I tried to touch his fingers, just to give a sign that I understood.

“How is Seung-Gil doing?” I asked and for one moment I saw the same strange Phichit's face which made me realize that they are not together.

“He is fine…”

“I see… that's good. Then I am going. Thank you Otabek, for everything.”

That everything was for making me come here. Also somehow I was sure that it is safe to leave Yurio with him. I should just go back to my room before I got myself in trouble. Something inside me was saying that I shouldn’t be here right now. I didn’t wait for an answer, I almost ran out of the room. What’s going on? Phichit what happened to you? What have you done? What was the price of your freedom?

I was going back through the corridor, hoping that I won’t see anyone, when I saw Victor outside. I stopped next to the window and tried to see what was going on. It was already pretty dark, but I was able to notice one more person, for a second I thought that they are just talking, but then the other person grabbed Victor's shirt and I recognized his face. I saw this boy on my first day here. Christophe… maybe?

My body was faster than my thoughts, I was already running down when I understood that I am risking here with everything, but at the same time at that second, I couldn’t care less. I just had to be next to Victor, protect him even if that might cost my life. I was pretty lucky because I didn’t meet anyone and the front door was opened. I rushed outside with naked feet but I wasn’t cold, just when I reached them I finally understood that I am standing in front of Alphas, hoping to prove something. At that instant, I lost my ability to speak.

“Yuuri??” Victor saw me and quickly pushed Christophe away, even just second ago I heard Victor shouting that nobody can tell him what to do with his life. He rushed to me. “Why are you barefooted?? You will catch a cold…”

Cold?... What cold? As soon as our eyes met I became paralyzed. I tried to breathe, I wanted to tell Victor that I came to protect him, but… I guess I should have thought about this before running here. I couldn’t move anymore, the heat overtook my whole body at the same second, there was no air, no other reason for me to exist. Just because of this man in front of me. I couldn’t say it was a pleasant feeling, maybe more painful because I was still standing in the same spot, trembling like a leaf.

“That’s crazy, Victor… Think about consequences. Oh… shit… this sweet smell.”

I was still trembling, actually even more than before, I could feel saliva in my mouth. I couldn’t fight this. So strange because a few minutes ago I was totally fine and now… now the only thought in my head was how to reach him. I barely was able to see. I tried to search with my hands in the darkness until I was able to grab on him. I knew that it was Victor, form the smell, from the touch, I pressed my body until there was no space left. I need him…. I need him… I don’t understand what I want and what exactly I need, but this unknown feeling started killing me and only Victor could do something about that. I was sure. Help me. Save me… There were no sounds, just his and my breathing, I stopped caring about Christophe long ago.

When Victor finally touched me back it was like a blessing, I pressed my face harder to his chest. How to calm me down…? I need more, I need him closer…

“Yuuri…” I could only hear my name, other words just became like unclear murmuring. Of course, I couldn’t move, so after a few seconds, I felt like flying, in all possible meanings. Because I was in his arms. My hands were wrapped around Victor’s neck and I could press my lips to his cheek. I kissed it and somehow I wasn’t ashamed. I kissed it again and again and again, also his jawline and neck. When I was kissing him the heat inside me was not that strong, but at the same time with every kiss, I wanted more, things that I shouldn’t be thinking of. Is it the real heat? Is it because I didn’t drink my suppressants?

I didn’t know where we were going but I didn’t care, then I felt something hard. Bed, floor, ground, grass, sand… whatever. Who cares where I am… I have him in my hands and it’s all I need.

“Victor… something… it’s so hot…” I tried to say even though I wasn’t sure of my words.

“I know… I know… but….”

“Victor… please… Victor…”

It’s like by every word I was making everything inside me even worse. Finally, I opened my eyes. It was too dark to see clearly, but Victor’s face was here just an inch from mine and it’s all I needed.

“You don’t want me anymore…?” It sounded like begging. I wanted to scream, but I barely could make any sound. Why he is not talking to me…?

“It’s… just…” he tried… but it was pointless. For both of us.

If only that time someone would have come and stopped us. No matter who, no matter with what. it could be different. Maybe… but I don’t think I have a right to think like that. From the beginning, I wasn’t supposed to exist in Victor’s world.

Victor kissed me and then the line was crossed. There was no way back when finally, two pieces have found each other. I grabbed on his hair and I didn’t care what he will do with me. Maybe from one side, I should have felt scared, but somehow at that second, I couldn’t think about fear. My only concern was that no matter what he will do, that won’t be enough. I suppose I wasn’t good at kissing, but I wanted to taste as much as I can, I have never tasted anything so delicious before in my life.

And Victor was gentle, maybe even too gentle, like he was holding himself back, but that’s the last thing I needed right now. I grabbed on his hair harder.

“More… Victor give me more… more… make me yours.”

Maybe my begging was too much even for his patience. Because after that everything happened so quickly. Suddenly I was already feeling him with my naked skin. Victor’s body was hot, maybe even hotter than mine and that was driving me insane. I couldn’t and I didn’t want to hold back my voice. The sound that came from my lips was loud, I have never heard my voice like that. I can’t even explain what exactly was that, but Victor’s response had the same vibe. The only time when I flinched was when Victor for the first time touched me down there. But I was feeling so dizzy that at first, I couldn’t understand, just when he pressed fingers harder, I gasped and froze for a second. There.

“Does it hurt?” I can’t believe that even in that state he was able to stop himself just to ask this silly question. It didn’t hurt. Literally, I was wet. All my body was covered in sweat and all my inside were leaking. I should have felt embarrassed. But our eyes met and I understood that I want Victor to know, that I am this wet because of him. I wanted him to know how he makes me feel.

“More… give me more… please… it’s so hot Victor…”

I cried. I wasn’t sure how he can help me with that, but I just needed it and he couldn’t resist.

My whole body trembled and muscles became so tense when I finally felt his fingers inside. I closed my eyes and tired no to go into a panic. It didn’t hurt, but somehow it wasn’t enough and that’s why I felt so scared. What did I suppose to do? How can I tell him that? Is that all? Victor’s lips were on my naked skin, leaving marks on every place he could reach. Why I just couldn’t stop shivering? He gave me what I wanted, but why I don’t feel better, why I can’t stop begging and why my hips just don’t stop moving? I wanted him deeper, to reach something else and I felt like I can burst into tears any second because he is not giving it to me.

“Victor… Victor…” I let my nails into his back. How can I ask for even more? Do I even have a right to ask that? I should be satisfied with this, it’s like a gift… like a present, I didn’t deserve to have. Holding him in my arms.

“I don’t want to hurt you…” He answered and I saw his eyes again. At that time I was so innocent so naïve. I didn’t know what will happen. That this pleasure I was feeling now is nothing… nothing compared to what he gave me next.

“Victor… be mine… be mine forever… like that, just be mine…” I softly pressed my lips to his cheek.

“Yes…” it’s like he heard an order from me. It’s like I took a place of Alpha and he became the one who couldn’t live without me. Of course, it was different. “Turn around baby…” he said with that deep tone I felt like I can’t disobey.

I didn’t feel scared even for a second, even when I felt how his strong body rests on my back. Victor gently hugged me around the waist and lifted my lower part. He kissed my back and gently bit it. I was wondering what will happen next. My face was burning even more when I tried to think of him putting back his fingers inside me. I wanted him to do that. But.

“Yuuri… my Yuuri..” he whispered.

It was different. The feeling. So much stronger. Deeper. Harder. No… it was totally different. Out of this world. I screamed pressing my face and grabbing into the thing I was lying on with my fingers as hard as I could. Yeah, it hurt, but just a bit and just for a second after that… the wave of wild feeling just went through me.

Finally. It’s here. The feeling that I am complete. I cried out loud. Not just with my voice. I started crying because I have never felt better in my life. I started crying because I was so happy in his arms. I cried because with every move he was giving me more and more. And I cried… because I wasn't supposed to feel this good. Nobody ever told me that this kind of feeling exists.

“Yuuri… Yuuri…? Does it feel good? Yuuri… mine…. Only mine….”

I moaned again and again until it became just one sound. That was my answer. I could faint from this sweet feeling. From Victor's words that I am his… I wanted to become his more than anything else.

“More… More… More… Please…” Can he feel? Can he feel that we are mates already? Can he feel that our bodies were made for each other?

He gave me more. So much more... for one second everything became dark, that’s when the feeling was strongest for me. I screamed and came, but at the same time, I couldn’t stop begging and moving. I felt the gluttony because no matter how much he was giving to me I couldn’t stop asking for more.

I was wrong. So wrong. That wasn’t the end. Somehow… I knew that it might come and somewhere deep inside I believed that it might happen, but I wasn’t sure how it works… yet.

That sudden pain in my neck. I didn’t expect that for sure, but somehow at that moment, I felt like a masochist. Because I have never felt so complete in my life. Victor inside me, Victor’s teeth on my skin.

This changed not just my life. It changed me. Completely. My new life started from that moment when we made a Mark. Even if at that moment I couldn’t understand. Because from that ecstasy I literally passed out.

When I opened my eyes again, Victor was lying next to me, or to be more precise I was on him. Confidence. That was the first feeling which came to me. I felt good sleeping on him like that and I didn’t feel embarrassed not even a bit. We were both fulled naked and I couldn’t have thought of better feeling.

“You are awake?” his soft voice touched my ear and went through all my body until it reached my heart.

“Hm… I wish you could wake me up… a little bit more.” I murmured softly and Victor’s laugh enslaved my heart forever.

 

Strange thing. I mean the Mark. It’s not just our bodies who became connected, but also our lives. Literally. I was able to feel all of Victor’s moods swings and tell why. It was really easy for me to tell when he was lying and when he was saying the truth. We were like soulmates, but at the same time so much more. I couldn’t say, lovers, because this word was just too weak. We existed for each other. The best part of it was that I stopped going into the heat every time. I didn’t even need to drink suppressants. I knew that my heat will become now regular, once a month and gonna last for a week and I knew that then… I will have Victor by my side, so there was nothing to be afraid. It’s impossible to explain our feelings in words… love, if we can call it like that… but not really. It wasn't just loving. It was fate. We were supposed to be happy forever… now for sure.

There were just a few things that somehow made me feel a little bit anxious. First, Victor’s father. Who was gone somewhere so that’s why we had our freedom. Because after his father Victor was the most powerful here, nobody could say a word, that suddenly the kid, who was supposed to be a prisoner here, became the one who was always by Victor’s side.

Second. Yurio. He still remained silent, I tried to speak with him but he wouldn’t say a word, I just could feel that Victor knows something we even had our first argument ever because I could sense that he is lying, but no matter what nobody explained me anything. Maybe he was trying to protect me this way. Sadly.

After I saw Phichit in Yurio’s room that day, he didn’t show himself anymore. I couldn’t understand what happened to my best friends after that night, but it seemed that I wasn’t prepared to hear the truth or at least Victor thought like that. Otabek was always by Yurio side and one day when I peeked into his room I saw them holding hands. That gave me a little hope that I might be able to get my friend back. I just told to myself that I need to be patient.

Despite it, my life with Victor was perfect. I let myself drown into this dream and forget all the harsh reality which was outside of this island. I got to know other people living here, Christophe who had no other choice just accept me, because he was Victor’s best friend. Mila who was supposed to be Victor’s fiancée, but nobody cared about that, including her, because she was actually crazy in love with Sara, who was looking after gardens and stuff, those two girls didn’t even try to hide it. Sara was living here with her brother Michele and friend Emil. They were all young, but still working here. I didn’t have a clue how they came here and why, but I just noticed something strange about all of them. They were all… with some memory loss. Including Otabek and Christophe. Victor was different I was sure he knew more than he was telling me. Again. He tried to protect me from all of this.

Unsuccessfully.

I was a little bit selfish. For now, I cared only about my happiness, I just couldn’t have enough of it. I was living every happy moment with Victor, amazing sex or even if it was just holding hands. The fact that I was also first for Victor made me happiest of all, my heart was so light and I have never felt so dizzy in my life from that wonderful sweet feeling. I kissed him and we laughed. We were taking bath together and we made love in the shower. Victor laid his head on my knees and I read a book for him, I was playing with his hair and kissing his fingertips, I was just looking at his bright eyes feeling how colorful and wonderful life can be. I didn’t know tath there was any possible way to be so obsessed with someone so much.

I was selfish, really. I forgot about my father about real life out there and that actually… no one… no one in the world will let us be happy forever. Happiness wasn’t a part of my future.

It happened after four days when Victor’s father came back. When he found us together in bed… disaster happened. I wasn’t virgin anymore so he lost an opportunity to sell me for a higher price. Not mention the fact that I couldn’t be sold at all because we made Mark with Victor and I belonged to him. No matter how Victor’s father yelled at me or him, he couldn’t change anything, he didn’t have another choice just to live with this. Just in case Victor was with me all the time, but we both knew that we can’t live like that. It was Victor’s idea to run away. Of course… why not. How can they stop us? Or maybe… just maybe… when now I think about that maybe Victor's father was right. He just didn’t say a word about Yurio living here, but then I didn’t have a lot of time to think about this.

To be honest… my time… my happy time… lasted for four days. It’s even more than my father ever had in his life. I should be happy… I shouldn't complain at all.

“Get out of the bathroom, I need to talk with you.”

It happened the next morning when someone knocked on bathrooms door, I opened them still sleepy and I saw that man. Victor wasn’t around. I wanted to ask where he is, but for a moment I became speechless. Doesn’t matter that I had a Soulmate, I was still powerless in front of this powerful Alpha.

“What… is it?” at least I tried to sound calm. There is nothing he can do.

“I know what you did there. Searching for a safe place, right? You used Victor because you wanted a shield. Well, let me tell you that I am not the one you should be afraid of.”

It was a lie, he didn’t understand a thing about me and Victor. But. Somehow I couldn’t deny. I wonder why.

“You are already sold, you want that or not. You don’t belong here anymore…”

“I am not a thing that you can sell.”

“There is nothing I can do. It’s too late. So if you want to protect Victor, I suggest you run, because soon it will be too late. I can protect Victor from those who are coming, with the only condition, you have to leave now. I can’t force you because of that Mark… but…if you really care about my son and about those people who live here. Please.”

The last word was just too much for him, I swear he didn’t plan to say that, but he couldn’t take it back. So after this Victor’s father just left. I was so confused but on the other side… I was still too stubborn. No matter what, I couldn’t believe that someone could separate me with Victor. No. Impossible. So I just sighed and locked myself in the bathroom until Victor came back to the bedroom.

To be honest… I wasn’t sure when and how it happened. I remember talking with Victor in our room, he was asking me something and then I saw smoke. It came from nowhere and there were so much of it, that I lost my vision completely. I tried to breathe, but I couldn’t. The last thing I remember doing, I tried to take Victor’s hand, but the air was empty.

  
When I opened my eyes, my head was spinning and not just that. I actually woke up because I couldn’t normally breathe, my body was trembling and the heat was all over my body. Every part until the last drop of skin was hot, my mouth was dry and I couldn’t explain the feeling inside me. It’s exactly like the heat I felt with Victor, but this one made me sick. I didn't want anyone to touch me… I just wanted it to be gone, no matter what it takes. I tried to call Victor’s name, but my mouth was too dry. The view was still spinning, that’s why I was getting sick even more and still, I tried to concentrate.

Just then I understood. I am completely naked. And I am tied up. Of course, first I felt huge shock and then panic. Despite the heat, I was able to think this time and feel everything with every part of my body… and hear. Clearly, like never.

“Oh, princess woke up.”

I froze. I couldn’t recognize this voice.

“He is different than the last one…”

That’s another voice.

“You mean the blond one? He passed out too quickly.”

“Still the same whore…”

“Just different hole.”

They started laughing. I couldn’t say how many people there were. A lot. Eight? Nine? More? Why I can’t see them?? I was getting sick. Where am I? Why I am naked?? Who are they? And where is Victor?

“So he is ours for this evening? Who wants to go first?”

“Let it be me… we have a lot of time anyway.”

When the first touched me I just gasped, he turned me on the back and I saw his face.

Alpha. Like all of them. Beautiful. Strong. Powerful…. But disgusting. All of them where.

“Hey you little bitch, what a funny piece of shit… looking at me with such strong eyes… and still, you are as hard as a rock. Is it because of that medicine we gave to you? Or maybe you just want me?”

I screamed, but he was in time to cover my mouth with his long fingers. His deep black eyes. No matter what… I couldn’t stop seeing them. His lips, they smiled and then it was over.

It continued for ages. I swear… for ages. Or even longer. There was ten of them. I know that exactly. Because I counted. I didn’t have a choice, just to count. Just because of that… I didn’t lose my mind completely. Pain. Pain. Pain, huge pain in all parts of my body, it was breaking my bones, my soul, my life. I started bleeding with the number four, first from the nose, then I started coughing blood and the mess they made inside… they left nothing. I became nothing. I screamed until I lost my voice completely. And they beat me, for every scream harder and harder, for every move they punished me deeper and deeper. I passed out a thousand times and I hoped to never wake up, but I always did. They even bit me, almost every one of them… at the same spot where Victor left his mark… they were deleting him, his last sense, the last memories and it all became vain. I became a trash, rubbish, whore, I don’t know how else call myself, what worse could be. I was soulless. I couldn’t feel any part of my body, because of the wounds, because there was no point to feel anything. I was bleeding from all parts of my body from where I possible could bleed. I was staring at the sheets and they were red. Was there any point of crying? No there wasn’t, nobody cared anyway, but I cried… I cried until I couldn’t anymore. I was dirty in all ways it’s possible to be dirty.

And after hours of this… million ages of suffering the only feeling if I can call it like that. Somewhere really deep inside me, because actually, I couldn’t feel anything… was regret.

Regret that I had to go through this and I didn’t die.

Regret that I let myself be happy in the first place.  
  
Because… from the start I should have remembered my place in this world.

We… Omegas are nothing…. No one.

Regrets. Only regrets that I came into this world and I couldn’t leave it.

  
When the last one finally left me, my body trembled for the last time. And that’s it.

That’s all.


	10. Conditions&Regrets Part2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see :3 I am back with the new chapter and things are finally moving! Yay!
> 
> muah xxx <3

It’s too late. Way too late to change anything, turn back time, lock me down, turn around or look for another way. It’s way too late to cry for help and hope that someone in the world cares. Was it my fault that everything turned that way? I don’t know. I just wanted to have a normal life like most of the people. I used to ask myself this question a lot, but now it didn’t make sense anymore. I tried to find any words that would comfort me, even just a little bit, but I couldn’t speak, there was just dark, the darkest black.  
  
“Yuuri… I am sorry Yuuri… I am so sorry Yuuri…”

This voice was crying next to me for as long as I can remember. From one side I wanted to feel happy, that Victor is here, that I can still feel his warmth, from the other side our pain was too much for me to handle. Because of the Mark, it’s not just his words I was able to hear, but I could feel it. The agony. His, not mine. Me? I was too empty to feel something, maybe that hurt Victor even more. He felt that there nothing just empty shell left of me. That was one of the reasons why I didn’t want to open my eyes because I felt ashamed, embarrassed, I didn’t want him to see what I have become, I didn’t want him to understand what happened to me, not physically, but mentally.

At some point I couldn’t understand is he still saying sorry or those words just going on replay inside my head. To be honest, I wasn’t sure when I started to hear Victor’s voice. I just remember my own silent cries, I remember that it was just too much pain, then it suddenly got cold and something froze inside me. And then I am here… listening to him saying sorry. Is it Victor’s fault? Could he have done something to stop it?

As I thought it was black. When I finally opened my eyes. Pitch black. So that’s how my life looks right now? My whole body started trembling at the same second and it became hard to breathe, I didn’t know how, but I had to get out of here.

“Hey hey hey, calm down you are safe… hey….”

This cold voice reached me in this darkness, but I couldn’t make myself to trust it. Weight laid down on my shoulder and for a second I felt like it started crushing me down.

“Damn it. Victor!!! Come here, he has a panic attack again! Victor!!”

“What did you do to him??”

“Nothing… I just…”

“Leave me with him… just go, JJ.”

“That’s what Christophe had in mind when he said not to mess everything up.”

“Just go away, you are not helping now!”

“Idiot...”

“Yuuri, it’s me… baby, calm down. It’s me… come here… it’s okay now…”

After some messed up sounds and screaming in my head I finally heard a clear voice. Familiar, so precious and this sound crushed my heart with that strong hot feeling. I didn’t want him to see me like this, but from the other side, if not this voice my life won't make sense anymore. I felt another touch, this time it wrapped all my body with that wonderful smell and warmth, I suddenly felt strange peace. Just now I understood that all this time my body was trembling and I haven’t opened my eyes yet. Soon I felt the same warmth on my face and I remembered how to open my eyes. The light was blinding. I didn’t expect it to be so bright. The light coming from Victor, who was holding me and touching my cheek with his soft lips, I felt how before I even thought about it, tears were running down my cheeks. From happiness, maybe? I thought that I might never see him again. Happiness? What is that? Victor hugged me harder, he was able to feel my pain like no one else.

“I am sorry… I am so sorry…”

I heard those words somewhere else before. I am sure I did. A lot. But was it something I really need to hear right now? Isn’t there something more he has to say?

Victor looked at me, the clear sky in his eyes was covered by strange mist. Do we share the same feelings or is he feeling even more than I do? Because somehow I felt so empty… Victor touched my lower lip with his fingertip and I shivered. Physically it didn’t hurt anywhere, but memories were craved inside my brain. I didn’t know how should I look at Victor? Does he want me to look at him the same? Or I don’t have any right to do so?

“Yuuri… I failed… will you ever forgive me… It’s because of me…”

He pressed his forehead to mine and I shivered again. First, I didn’t know what he was talking about. Second, How can this be his fault? I was sure that Victor would never do something that could hurt me. I just knew it, I felt it. It’s because we are Mates, right? We are still Mates… we are… This thought made my heart start bleeding so badly that I cried with my voice. I turned to side until my face was hidden in his chest and cried.

“Love… please… tell me… tell me what to do… please…”

He begged, but I wish I knew the answer myself. At this second it seemed that there is just no way out. I just wanted to ask him not to leave me no matter what, but then I couldn’t get myself to let any word out. Just cry surrounded by my beloved warmth.

 

 

Some days passed and I felt like Victor was reading my mind. He didn’t move from me anywhere, he also didn’t let anyone else come into the room. I actually didn’t have any idea where we were, because the surroundings were not the same ones I remembered. I was sure that Victor leaves when I am sleeping and that we are not alone here, but I wasn't feeling like meeting someone else. I didn’t know if I ever be. My existence somehow didn’t make sense to me. I couldn’t understand why Victor just doesn’t get rid of me. Was the mark holding him? I didn’t say a word to him since that day I woke up, and he wasn’t forcing me. On the other side, he was. Mostly saying my name, the part about forgiving was still unclear for me.

“Yuuri, do you want to take a bath?”

He asked after three or four days. Every evening Victor helped me to clean myself, but it didn’t change the fact that I felt dirty. He didn’t say a thing that I won’t let him touch me where he had rights to touch, he didn’t show any disappointment when I suddenly in the middle of cleaning started crying. He didn’t force me to take off all my clothes, Victor even gave me privacy and left bathroom every time, when I covered my body with arms, even if after he left I couldn’t force myself to do something until he just came back and picked me up. Then I should be the one apologizing, but I couldn’t say a word. I owned him, I was his partner, but I wasn’t able to give Victor anything.

What does he mean by the bath? I will have to take my clothes off, right? Does he intend to go inside with me?

My expression was sufficient sign for him.

“Never mind… forget… don’t worry.”

His voice was the same, but I knew that Victor just felt desperate. He won’t do anything I don’t want to, right?

“Yes… bath would... be… nice.” Suddenly I heard my voice, even if it was just a whisper. I just couldn’t watch at Victor’s silent pain anymore. He wanted to help me, so I had to do something.

His face suddenly lighted up, Victor smiled that way making my heart tremble, he looked at me with that face full of hope. Is it because I finally spoke?  
  
“I will prepare the water.” He jumped out of the bed happily, like a child.

Victor carried me to the bathroom and helped me to sit on the edge of the bath. I could have walked myself, but somehow only while in his arms I was able to feel safe about the place we were moving to, even if it was just a bathroom.

“Let’s take your clothes off, alright? You want to do it yourself?”

Victor’s warm smile and the fact that he let me choose, made me think how much he actually cares about me. I still had too many marks on my body, the marks which were indicating what trash I have become. I was so embarrassed because of them. I thought that if Victor sees them, he might change his mind about me. He might leave. I know, it wasn’t true, but anxiety was killing me and my Mate knew it, that’s why he was so careful. After all, Victor was the best thing that happened in my life. Sad that I don’t think I can keep living.

I was sitting silently, so he slowly touched my waist and lifted my sweater, I was just looking at him, trying to read from Victor’s face what he was thinking. I was so afraid of that second when the marks will be uncovered. He took out one of my hands, then another and finally softly helped me to take it off. Thank god, there was no mirror in front of me, Victor’s face wasn’t showing anything just some warm feeling, that I couldn’t name. But. He hasn’t said THOSE WORDS to me, even once after I woke up.

I hugged myself around the waist when he unbuttoned pants. It’s just Victor. It’s just my Mate. Nothing bad will happen. I wasn’t afraid of that actually, I just couldn’t stop thinking that he will be disgusted. But Victor’s face was clear, he slowly but confidently took off my pants together with underwear. His eyes didn’t stop even for a second at those places where he loved to look at before. I hoped he did it for my sake, not because he couldn’t see me that way anymore.

“Alright, here we go…. Like this.” Victor pretended that he doesn’t notice how I try to cover as much skin as possible as he turned me around and I a few moments later I was in the water. The temperature was perfect, it almost hurt how well he knew me and how little time we actually we had to know each other better.

Just when I was already sitting in the water hugging my knees, he stood up to go. One second and all of me until the last cell went into a panic. No. Don’t. Where….

“Vic… Victor… stay…plea-se”

My voice was shivering, but I was in time to grab his shirt, even if it was just an edge, he stopped. Thank you, God.

“Yuuri... Like I would ever leave you like this, I just wanted to take a sponge.”

He turned around and took my hand into his, then kneeled on the floor.

“I will never… ever leave you… never. I promise.”

Is just me, or his voice trembled? Does he feel guilty, because he left me once already… I bit my lower lip and pressed his hand a little. I couldn’t understand why I can see only pure feelings in his eyes.

“I am… not disgusting… to you?”

“… what are you saying…? Can't you feel that I am in the same pain because I was the one who didn’t protect you at first place. Everything is my fault… everything… Yuuri… There is nothing more important to me than you. When I gave you the Mark, I understood that I was blind… all that time… Yuuri, I literally can’t live without you… the moment I will lose you, I will die.”

Victor pressed my hand to his lips and I was just staring. Is that true? Is that what Mark does to Alphas? Their life, their whole existence becomes meaningless without the Mate? Well, I couldn’t say that my situation was different, but I only heard rumors about that… I never thought that I am going be the one who gets to live through this.

“But I can’t stop thinking…" he continued speaking. "If you hadn’t got the Mark… you wouldn’t have had to go through that hell… because of me, you feel so damaged… but believe me, Yuuri, you are not. You are the most perfect… and I will clean everything you don’t need to remember. Just… please… I know that you need time, but don’t… don’t push me away. I am not like them… Yuuri… I am not…”

Victor’s voice was getting more and more silent until it turned into the whisper. Somehow he was so confused. All this time, I haven’t thought, even once… that he might be like one of them. My Mate… My Victor… I couldn’t really understand what happened that day and why it turned this way. And from his talk, I knew that Victor knows. But I wasn’t sure that I am ready to hear the answers. That’s strange. Not long ago, I died how curious I was… and now… now… nothing.

“I… know… I just… don’t feel… like I am yours… anymore. This body… it’s gross…”

I suddenly flinched when a wave of flashbacks just went right into me. For a second I was sitting calmly until I got sick.

“Yuuri!”

Victor took me in his arms when I started choking. I grabbed on his shirt and after a few seconds, I was already crying on the floor, pressing my naked trembling body to his warmth as hard as I could. Please… someone give me strengths. No matter what happened, I didn’t want to lose him.

 

 

I lost the count of the days. After we my reaction in the bathroom, we almost haven’t talked. Well, I was the one who wasn’t talking. Even if Victor tired to break the silence, mostly with making me eat, but as the days passed I was becoming more and more sick of thinking about food. After a few weeks, I even threw up. My lips trembled as I wanted to apologize, but Victor just touched my hair and softly smiled. Why… why I deserve to have someone like him?

I have never left the room. I wasn’t curious what is going on out there, as long as I was feeling safe here, as long Victor was by my side. I was sitting here, like in a golden cage and I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to know… to be honest, I didn’t care. Until one morning, when I woke up and there was no one in the room.

Maybe Victor didn’t expect me to wake up that early, maybe he had some things to do… but all this time, a little bit more than two weeks, he didn’t leave me… even once. He was always here, he made sure to come back before I get up. I turned my head at the door and stared, he should come in any minute… Victor… please… come. Come. Come. Come. My heart was beating like crazy.

The door opened.

But it wasn’t Victor. I understood that as soon I saw that person's hand. Something in my throat held the scream and I tried to find something I could use to protect myself, but there was just a pillow. No… not again… no no…

That person was short. Obviously shorter than me. He closed the door and turned at me, as I was sitting like a statue. Blond hair, long sweater, that obviously wasn’t his. Because of it, the boy looked even younger than he was. I held my breath when my brains finally started working again.

“Yurio…??”

I couldn’t remain silent. I totally forgot about him, I was so full of myself, that I forgot about my friend who was suffering. How could I lock myself here… I am so pathetic.

“Yo.” He stepped forward and walked closer to the bed. “Otabek thought that you might get into a panic if you won’t find Victor here, so I came.”

“Ota..beck? You are… here? What… what is this place?”

Yurio looked at me, like seeing for the first time. Obviously, he couldn’t understand how can I not know. But does it really matter? Yurio looked better.

“Let’s say we are in some place safe… for now.”

He sat on the corner of the bed with a back turned at me. I wanted to say something more, but what? I still didn’t have any idea what happened to him… but…. Somehow, the way he looked at me before. He wasn’t judging me. He knew.

“I should ask if you are alright, but I won’t. I am not that dumb.”

“But you… how did you live through it?” I murmured. It was a silent begging, I needed some kind of magical solution. And Yurio... they did the same to him, right? Same people.

“I didn’t. I found… easier way… to go around. I will get my memories deleted.”

What.

“What… do you mean by… that? How is this possible?”

“This game is ugly… you either play by the harsh and disgusting rules or they are going to crush you. They will make you want to forget.”

I still couldn’t understand what he was talking about. I really was somewhere away for all this time. Obviously, there was something important going on, more important than me.

“Listen, Victor doesn’t want me to tell you, but there is no other way. Or you will be the one who hurts him again. Victor hurt the ones who rapped you. He took the gun and killed almost everyone, as he is your Mate maybe someone could have explained everything. But… as a for Alpha to kill other Alphas because of Omega… this was more important. They kicked him out, together with me and Otabek… and some others. Now we are staying at his friend's place. But Victor doesn’t have any privilege anymore… no matter what we do, they know that you and me, that we are Omegas that they have us. Phichit… his up to something… well… it’s not Phichit himself…. But that Seung Gil… if he even exists…. Damn it, what they are doing is a way too huge. I can save Otabek if I delete my memories and start everything from the beginning until my time comes… I think… I think you should do the same before is too late.”

I let him speak, because… first of all, it was hard to believe what he was saying and second, half of it I couldn’t even understand. Victor… Victor killed… because of me?

“But… but… I don’t understand…”

“Yuuri…” Yurio turned around. I have never seen such a serious look in his eyes before. Oh my, when he became like this? “There is no time to understand. What Alphas want form us, is to make us pregnant, they will use us, until they get what they want. Victor can’t protect us; he doesn’t have power anymore. He betrayed his family that he could be with you. I guess when they took you, they didn’t expect you to be his Mate. In the Market Victor’s father chose you and I was left there, rapped for days… until Victor with Otabek came. But now it’s over. And if those who did this to us gets what they want… our life is over. We have just one option, and it’s Phichit. It’s bigger than you think… those Alphas it’s whole organization. Horrible things are going on behind the society that we know. Normal people just can’t see. What Phichit is doing… he helps to forget to someone like us, we can start new life… get new memories, live somewhere else, where no one knows us.”

“Who… who told you that? Phichit?”

“Yes, of course.”

“And you trust him? I mean… if he also belongs to some kind of organization… that means he was fooling with us all those years. How… how he even…Yurio, Victor won’t let something happen to us again. I know that you want to forget, believe me, I also do… but deleting your memories…. All of them?? And replacing them with something you are not?? What then? How do you know what they might do to you?”

It’s the first time I spoke so much, but somehow I suddenly found strengths for that. These things he told me, just made me so confused… actually made me realize that I don’t know this world at all.

“Yuuri… you do know that your father…”

The door opened and Victor came in. To be honest, I really wanted to jump out of the bed and hug him. I didn’t want to listen to Yurio, it seems that everything that he said must be a lie or same misunderstand. I was sure that Phichit changed, but I couldn’t believe that my friend belongs to some organization that might hurt people.

“Yurio, you better go. Otabek is searching for you…” Victor’s voice was silent, I was sure, he wasn’t happy that this boy came here. Maybe all this time Victor was keeping him away from me because he knew that Yurio can tell me something.

Yurio didn’t say anything else, he just left and slammed the door a little bit too loud.

“Did he tell you something…?” Victor tried to be as careful as he could.

“He said… that… you are in trouble… that it’s because you… did…something…” I couldn’t make myself to say the world kill. How? Victor? Kill someone? It’s impossible. Even if it’s for me.

“Yuuri… you don’t need to worry about this. Yurio, he is… a bit unstable. But don’t worry Otabek is taking care of him…”

Unstable? Him? He looked way better than I did right now, am I unstable as well?

“But… I want… Victor, I want to know. Without the truth, I don’t see the point of living… everything seems so pointless.” I got a little bit up and pressed knees to my chest. Maybe something I said was a little bit harsh, but I just need to make Victor speak.

As I thought he came to me, just after a few moments Victor was already sitting right at my side, I felt his hand on my fingers, the soft touch, mysteriously pleasant. I lifted my head a little bit and looked at his strong arms. How can this simple gesture feel so good?

“What are you saying, Yuuri? Isn’t… the life with me… enough for you? Yuuri… what I should do… that you would think only of me? I would do anything… really.”

I raised my head because I just wanted to make sure that it’s not my imagination, that those words are really coming from Victor’s mouth. Why it was so hard to believe, that Victor really needs me as same as I needed him.

Our eyes met and I felt like falling, falling somewhere from really high, but I wasn’t afraid. I became complete dragged into the feeling of freedom. Sky. Victors eyes. I won’t be able to love anyone in my life, as much as I love him. No matter what, even if the day comes, when I will need to forget Victor, there will be no one who can replace him. No one who will give me the same feeling, no one else who will be able to make me feel alive. When I was looking at his eyes, nothing else mattered. Why… why are you so perfect to me?

“I always… I always wanted to know… how it feels… this magic… but it seems that there is a wall and I can’t do anything about it. Victor… why can’t you open your heart for me…?”

“I… I have never opened up to anyone before… I am sorry if I am doing something wrong. I just, really want you…”

“So you should trust me more… you should share with me everything. Victor, please believe in me. I am not that… fragile. I also want to be by your side, so why you don’t let me?”

For my own sake, because I didn’t want to jump into the solution that Yurio told me, I had to climb over myself. I slowly reached for Victor's wrist, then went up, until I touched his shoulder. With every of my touch, Victor was leaning forward.

“I trust you with everything I have... until the last part of my soul.” I silently whispered. My fingers were trembling so much and I already could feel tears in my eyes. Maybe I am not ready… but I just wanted Victor to see how much I trust him.

“Yuuri… I love you.” his face was so close to mine that I stopped breathing. Finally. Finally, he said those words I wanted to hear the most. He still loves me. How… how can I calm myself down? If I get myself drowned into the fear again… I…

But my thoughts ended here. I suddenly felt some strange pressure, it just fell on me. It wasn’t a bad thing, to be honest, suddenly I just knew that nothing really matters anymore. I tried to breathe, but air became so heavy, and then I saw Victor’s lips. This is… this is the only way to breathe for me. I have never felt anything like this before in my life, it wasn’t the heat, it’s something else. Some strange energy that took over every part of my body. This feeling started consuming me, I opened my lips and let the silent sound out. I was in Victor’s control and I wanted to be controlled by him, I have never wanted anything so much in my life.  
Is… is this… Alpha’s pheromones?

Our lips met just before I started making sounds again, he wasn’t even properly touching me, but the sensation was so strong, that I started feeling dizzy. Even if I was afraid of Alphas, I couldn’t be afraid of him, even if my heart knew, that it’s not good. That’s what Alphas are doing to their slaves when they resist too much. But if it’s Victor… I didn’t mind to be enslaved.

How could I forget about these kisses who had the power to heal the deepest wounds, change the world and me? He was so gentle, so attentive… I started melting, forgot all the bad things around me. I was able to feel Victor deeper and deeper, until the last part of my body became his again, even if my hands were trembling. I hugged him hard, felt his soft hair between my fingers, his love and trust which were running right through me. I was afraid, I was so afraid of something I couldn’t understand at the time. Tears ran down my face when Victor called my name, when his sweet voice and breath took over my skin, his called me perfect. And even if I was under his spell and this place was the only want I wanted to be, somehow it hurt. It hurt so badly. And Victor was the only solution for me to live with that pain.

But…

Victor… I am not perfect anymore… I started rotting from the insides. This couldn’t be changed.

Victor kept his silent promise and told me everything, which opened my eyes for sure. But even this couldn’t change anything. Maybe I learned too late, maybe it had to be like this. I just wish that knowing the truth about the world we are living in and about the future that was waiting for us, I could have done anything. Maybe I could. And even for a short period, I started seeing a little light of hope. When did I decided that I don’t have any other way? It didn’t last long… more or less a week. Just a week, even if it seemed like ages. So when?

 

The day, when Yurio disappeared? When I heard that there are a lot of Alphas, who wants to end Victor’s life? Or when Victor told me that in order to survive, he will have to take a new job, lowest one, because he can’t go anywhere else? Was it when I learned that it’s a porn industry? Or…. When after a little bit more than a week, I fainted in the middle of the hallway, JJ gave me one thing...? To clear something, he had in mind. Was it then when pregnancy test showed that it’s positive? Or was it when for my greatest horror I realized that the thing I have inside probably is not a child of Victor’s?

Their goal… is to make Omegas pregnant.

And I already started rotting from inside.

* * *

 

**PRESENT DAY**

* * *

  
_Sunday 11:08 p.m._

  
“Yuuri?”

My head was burning. And I didn’t want to open my eyes. Damn it, why as far as I can remember I have to live with some kind of pain? But this voice next to me was so inviting, that I couldn’t wait anymore. My whole body wanted to see him. I open eyes just a little bit and then closed them again. The view was blurry and the pain was too strong.

“Yuuri… love… hey….”

I tried to wake up again. It seems that I won’t be able to move, gladly the voice was really near. I blinked a few times and tried to focus. Hot breath laid down on my forehead. Warming kiss. Heart in my chess jumped. I know this feeling.

“Yuuri… I was so scared. Don’t scare me like that… don’t.”

Victor’s face was just above mine, he smiled and I forgot about the pain. There was a small crystal of tears in his eyes. Are they real?

“Hey…” he smiled again and left another small kiss on top of my nose.

“What… what happened?” I silent asked and tried to remember anything, but there were only scraps of my strange dream.

“You fell down the stairs, remember? When you tried to protect me… Yuuri that was so dangerous… why did you jump in like that?”

I just looked at Victor’s eyes for a second longer. Flashbacks came to me and I saw everything inside my head like a drama.

“What do you mean? You would have fallen… I just wanted to protect you.”

“You dummy… what are you saying, of course, I wouldn’t have fallen…. don’t scare me like that. Please. JJ said that you hit your head pretty hard, but it should be okay. Baby is also fine, so… you don’t have to be worried.”  
  
“Baby? Victor… I… that child…”

“I know… it’s mine, right? You were afraid to tell me? For a second… I was so hurt that you didn’t tell me, but there is nothing more important than your safety to me. Nothing. I think you also have some questions… to me…”

Victor took my hand into his and kissed my fingers. He was sitting next to the bed, but maybe from my eyes, he saw that I am still lost and not mad, so few moments after he was already next to me under the blanket. Victor’s warm body pressed to mine felt so good. It was still hard to understand because of the pain, but when I felt his arm on my belly my whole body froze. Can this be real? That he will react so naturally? I also used my chance to come closer him and wrap my arm around Victor’s neck. The move to turn on my side was painful, but this connection we had now was more important. It seemed that just a few moments before falling I was so mad at him, but now it didn’t matter anymore.

“Yes, I do have a question… Your son… how he looks like?”

“My…” From Victor’s face, I saw that it was hard for him to talk about that. But it didn’t seem that he will try to avoid the question. “He… he has my eyes… and a very beautiful smile.”

Victor didn’t say anything else. It was hard for me to tell what Victor was thinking, maybe it hurt for him too much… or maybe he just couldn’t remember. Why the last reason seems the closest one? I tried to imagine a little small copy of Victor. His son… with… Victor’s Mate. Why. Why until now I never, even once thought about this… about his Mate. Why I was so blind and full of jealousy… and I couldn’t think clearly. I was sure… that I am right, Victor is my real Mate, but then…

I pressed my forehead to Victor’s and placed my palm on his cheek. This question, I don’t want any cameras to see it. I don’t want anyone to hear it. I don’t want to share it with anyone else. I moved so close to him, that our lips were touching, despite it, neither of us let our eyes down. Victor hugged me harder.

“Victor… is it possible to have… more than one Mate? Is it possible that there is someone you can find again?”

It’s funny but I already knew the answer. Maybe I knew it all along. Both of us. Sudden realization in his eye, reached the deepest and the darkest corner in my heart. So… dream? Was it really a dream? And this place... is it really just an act?

“It’s impossible. Just one real Mate from all people in the world. One for all your life.”

 

**Author's Note:**

>  **General:**  
>   
> 
>  ***** Very common that Omegas are used as sex slaves/sex toys just to get them pregnant/make fun of them. That's why most of Omegas are trying to hide their real identity. Punishments for that can be really cruel - including torturing, imprisoning or even death. Rules don't apply to those Omegas who are Marked and have their Mate or someone to protect them.  
>  ***** Omega can get pregnant just during the heat.  
>  ***** Omega goes into heat every month. The heat last from 1 - 7 days. If Omega is affected by Alpha really hard he can get into heat even several times in a month.  
>  ***** Omegas usually use suppressants to stop Pheromones. While Omega is on suppressants it's impossible to tell that he is not Beta. They are super expensive and really hard to get. Suppressants are owned by the black market. The same goes for birth control pills.  
>  ***** Virgin Omegas can be sold for a really high price.  
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **Marks and Mates:**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  ***** Alpha can become Mates with Omega by leaving a bite Mark on the back of Omega's neck. Becoming Mates is possible just during Omega's heat. The Mark doesn't stay unless Omega accepts his partner (for example if Omega is bitten during the rape, they won't become Mates). Since Mark is made and they become Mates Omega can't have any other partners, and if this happens Omega will suffer for enormous pain, dizziness, headache, passing out, the pain can even drive him insane.  
>  ***** It's possible to feel the one who might be your only one true Mate. After meeting your real Mate for the first time Omega's heat starts, and after it is over, he has to drink more suppressants than usually in order to stop going into heat (suppressants are actually bad for health, it works like drug and can cause a lot of bad things).  
>  ***** Just Omegas are able to feel when they meet their Mate of destiny. Alphas can understand this only during Omega's heat while having sex.
> 
> Tumblr: [vitavilichan](https://vitavilichan.tumblr.com/)


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